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31_days2007-03-03 11:57 pm
eterdreams.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2007-03-03 11:57 pm
[March 3] Bob and George - Doors
Title: Doors
Day/Theme: March 3. my cage has many rooms, damask and dark
Series: Bob and George
Character/Pairing: Helmut
Rating: PG
Day/Theme: March 3. my cage has many rooms, damask and dark
Series: Bob and George
Character/Pairing: Helmut
Rating: PG
White.
White.
WhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhiteSHIT, it's everywhere.
I already hate white. Damn boring color, I'd take black any day or even purple. It makes me look like him. Good thing, bad thing, I don't care, I just like the color.
Need to focus. He probably sent me here on purpose, where I can't look anywhere without seeing white. Not that I won't find some way out of this.
It just might take a while.
-------------
"Hey there!"
"Shut up."
"Still mad? You haven't done your job yet. It's boring just having you standing in the blurb growling at the audience."
"I don't care what you have to say. I'm not doing a damn thing for you."
"Your quips would be good for readership, you know!"
"Screw readership. Why don't you come down here and do it yourself?"
"You know I'm not even close to as wonderfully witty, snarky, and evil as you are. Besides, I'm busy. I can't be in two places at once."
"Yes, you can."
"But I don't feel like it. Not my job. We all have something to do in this comic!"
"Then what is your job?"
"Oh, you know. Make sure everythings in order every few months. Drink. Drink some more. Repeat."
"Screw you."
"Hey, it's my comic, not yours. Anyways, if you don't do it, you're never going to get out of here."
"Like you'd let me out of here."
"Probably not. I'd have to think it over."
-------------
A door. I managed to make a door. Of course, it's white, like everything else in this forsaken, useless, frustrating wasteland of a whatever-it-is he's thrown me in.
Eh. I should be able to get out of here now, that's all that matters. If this door leads anywhere.
I open the white and it doesn't lead to another room, just more white. Walking through it doesn't do anything either.
Someone claps. I know who already, but there's no purple. Just more white.
"Congratulations! You didn't think that would work, did you?"
------------
"Dave is a total hack, constantly hoping no one notices."
"And he's a lying bastard!"
"About time you showed up. I'm getting damn sick of all this white."
"I didn't show up to get you out of here. I just couldn't miss the potential punchline. And don't call me Dave."
------------
I uselessly grab at nothing, at that damn void of disgusting white. His stupid comic is clawing at my mind at every second. So is he.
"What are you trying to do, tear a hole in it? You're getting really desperate."
"I'm going to kill you when I get out of here."
"Yeah, have fun trying that."
------------
"I don't condone murder, but it might be the only way to stop them."
Something appears underneath me as I say it. It's the only time I've actually seen something that isn't him (he doesn't count) in this place, and it's... letters. Giant letters.
"Please, oh please, don't go out and kill people. That would make Dave very sad."
Good. I hope I inspired somebody.
-------------
"Can you get your comic out of my head? I don't want to be one of the mindless living-at-home losers you call readers."
"It gives you something to do, doesn't it? Besides, they like the topical commentary you provide!"
"On those geeky Star Wars references you keep spilling out? The faster I get out of here, the better."
"Sorry, Obi-Wan, it turns out I'm your only hope."
"Shut-"
"Up, I know."
---------------
"I need you to do a favor! And since you're occupied doing nothing, you're the best person to ask."
"Get Freakadave to do it."
"Him? It'd be funny, but it'd probably end up being played backwards. Or sung by a dog. That sounds great, though! Subliminal advertising! But I'm already talking to you."
"You're not going to go until I do it, are you?"
"Do I ever? Now, all I need you to do is tell the readers that I'm entitled to a social life, it's my comic, and that I'm doing them a favor by updating for a bunch of complete strangers."
"You're kidding."
"It has to be sincere if you're saying it! You're definitely the best one to do it."
"No."
"I'll give you something for it. That sound good? And no, you aren't getting out of here."
"What?"
"I'll come up with something. Clean thoughts."
"So-"
"None of that. But I'm sure you could do with someone else here. It might even make your quips better!"
"Well, shit, you've got me there... Fine."
"Could you do it two days in a row?"
"Absolutely no-"
"You're getting something out of it."
"Screw-"
"Me, I know. Profane insults don't work when I already know what you're saying."
"Fine!"
--------------
That was absolutely the most humiliating thing I've ever done and probably will ever do.
"You promised me something."
"I did? Oh right, yeah. In a few months."
Definitely the most humiliating thing I've ever done.
--------------
I ran. I ran some more. I ran and ran and ran and ran because no dimension can possibly go on forever.
"Not any you're used to. Enjoying the exercise?"
"Get the hell out of my head."
"I can't, you know that."
-------------
I tried focusing, to get out, but unfortunately Dave seems to have inspired something in a certain someone else. The sound of the singing dog hasn't gone away yet.
"Music to my ears."
"Will you shut that thing up?"
"Oh, let Freakadave have his fun. At least he doesn't complain about all the flaws in his dimension."
"I don't even think he can complain. Missing too many screws, lost his marbles, of course you know the cliches."
"At least he does something. All you'll ever do is a door. And maybe a box. I've got my own comic that I take care of whenever I feel like it. Sometimes."
"I can't do anything in here!"
"You did create that door."
-------------
"Look! I get to be on the front page too! Yay!"
"How the hell did he get in here? How can everyone get through here except me?"
"The whale's mind can't be made and gets sizzled, but moving large rocks just causes heart attacks."
"How can I think when everybody keeps on jumping in here? Why am I even talking to you? Why can I even understand what you're saying?"
"Not only is your derby hat tight, you're frying the motherboard!"
"Would you get out of here?"
"Sure! Wheeeeee...."
-------------
Slam slam slam slam slam
"Hey, stop that! You'll give me a headache."
Slamslamslamsla-
I fall straight forward.
"I know you're frustrated, but creating walls just so you can hit yourself on something seems kind of... self-defeating. Don't you have anything more... productive to do with your time?
"Don't you?"
"Well, no, not really. That's why I'm talking to you. Freakadave is a great conversationalist, but he's a little occupied."
-------------
Finally, I made something I've been wanting. It's almost enough to make me happy to be here, especially if I can make an infinite supply.
"Hey, is that Wily Beer? I think I have a good excuse to come down there sometime now..."
Feelings gone. Especially once I drop it.
------------
I managed to make a door again, and since I'm getting better, maybe I can get to something this time. I open the door and it leads to another door. Which leads to another door. Which leads to another door. Which leads to another door.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response. Not very creative with all the doors either."
"This is like a cartoon."
"We're all cartoons here, Alice."
-------------
"Why are you projecting your fanmail into my head now? And how do you even get fanmail?"
"Some of them are funny. I find it's just more amusement."
"I find that your fans' spelling is enough to make me weep. Says a lot about your fanbase, doesn't it?"
"Yep! Lazy, lazy. My kind of people."
-------------
"I can't believe I'm actually doing this."
"What, you mean that we're all in your little dimension here together just because we all enjoy watching shit blow up? Of course, I made the shit blow up in the first place..."
"Wooo! I love special comics!"
"Even Freakadave is here."
"I'm only glad he's here because he brought the popcorn."
"The dodos died lonely because they never tried to leave."
"That's a good point, Freakadave. Helmut, just stop mumbling and enjoy the show."
-------------
"It's disgusting that I actually yelled with you both at Mynd dying."
"I guess you didn't enjoy it as much as I thought you did?"
"No."
"You wouldn't admit it anyways, would you?"
-------------
It turns out you eventually start to get used to white after a while, especially a few years, but I still don't like it. I prefer to look at myself whenever possible and remind myself that I'm not going colorblind. Making those quips for the blurb is getting boring.
It doesn't help when I see purple that definitely isn't myself but can't be who I think it is, and definitely can't be walking through one of those ancient white doors I made years ago. And I have to be hallucinating that he's offering a hand. And smiling.
"Hey, come on. I don't think you want to just stay here."
"What are you doing?"
"Letting you out. You know how those union rules are."
Don't think for a second that I smiled back.
White.
WhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhiteSHIT, it's everywhere.
I already hate white. Damn boring color, I'd take black any day or even purple. It makes me look like him. Good thing, bad thing, I don't care, I just like the color.
Need to focus. He probably sent me here on purpose, where I can't look anywhere without seeing white. Not that I won't find some way out of this.
It just might take a while.
-------------
"Hey there!"
"Shut up."
"Still mad? You haven't done your job yet. It's boring just having you standing in the blurb growling at the audience."
"I don't care what you have to say. I'm not doing a damn thing for you."
"Your quips would be good for readership, you know!"
"Screw readership. Why don't you come down here and do it yourself?"
"You know I'm not even close to as wonderfully witty, snarky, and evil as you are. Besides, I'm busy. I can't be in two places at once."
"Yes, you can."
"But I don't feel like it. Not my job. We all have something to do in this comic!"
"Then what is your job?"
"Oh, you know. Make sure everythings in order every few months. Drink. Drink some more. Repeat."
"Screw you."
"Hey, it's my comic, not yours. Anyways, if you don't do it, you're never going to get out of here."
"Like you'd let me out of here."
"Probably not. I'd have to think it over."
-------------
A door. I managed to make a door. Of course, it's white, like everything else in this forsaken, useless, frustrating wasteland of a whatever-it-is he's thrown me in.
Eh. I should be able to get out of here now, that's all that matters. If this door leads anywhere.
I open the white and it doesn't lead to another room, just more white. Walking through it doesn't do anything either.
Someone claps. I know who already, but there's no purple. Just more white.
"Congratulations! You didn't think that would work, did you?"
------------
"Dave is a total hack, constantly hoping no one notices."
"And he's a lying bastard!"
"About time you showed up. I'm getting damn sick of all this white."
"I didn't show up to get you out of here. I just couldn't miss the potential punchline. And don't call me Dave."
------------
I uselessly grab at nothing, at that damn void of disgusting white. His stupid comic is clawing at my mind at every second. So is he.
"What are you trying to do, tear a hole in it? You're getting really desperate."
"I'm going to kill you when I get out of here."
"Yeah, have fun trying that."
------------
"I don't condone murder, but it might be the only way to stop them."
Something appears underneath me as I say it. It's the only time I've actually seen something that isn't him (he doesn't count) in this place, and it's... letters. Giant letters.
"Please, oh please, don't go out and kill people. That would make Dave very sad."
Good. I hope I inspired somebody.
-------------
"Can you get your comic out of my head? I don't want to be one of the mindless living-at-home losers you call readers."
"It gives you something to do, doesn't it? Besides, they like the topical commentary you provide!"
"On those geeky Star Wars references you keep spilling out? The faster I get out of here, the better."
"Sorry, Obi-Wan, it turns out I'm your only hope."
"Shut-"
"Up, I know."
---------------
"I need you to do a favor! And since you're occupied doing nothing, you're the best person to ask."
"Get Freakadave to do it."
"Him? It'd be funny, but it'd probably end up being played backwards. Or sung by a dog. That sounds great, though! Subliminal advertising! But I'm already talking to you."
"You're not going to go until I do it, are you?"
"Do I ever? Now, all I need you to do is tell the readers that I'm entitled to a social life, it's my comic, and that I'm doing them a favor by updating for a bunch of complete strangers."
"You're kidding."
"It has to be sincere if you're saying it! You're definitely the best one to do it."
"No."
"I'll give you something for it. That sound good? And no, you aren't getting out of here."
"What?"
"I'll come up with something. Clean thoughts."
"So-"
"None of that. But I'm sure you could do with someone else here. It might even make your quips better!"
"Well, shit, you've got me there... Fine."
"Could you do it two days in a row?"
"Absolutely no-"
"You're getting something out of it."
"Screw-"
"Me, I know. Profane insults don't work when I already know what you're saying."
"Fine!"
--------------
That was absolutely the most humiliating thing I've ever done and probably will ever do.
"You promised me something."
"I did? Oh right, yeah. In a few months."
Definitely the most humiliating thing I've ever done.
--------------
I ran. I ran some more. I ran and ran and ran and ran because no dimension can possibly go on forever.
"Not any you're used to. Enjoying the exercise?"
"Get the hell out of my head."
"I can't, you know that."
-------------
I tried focusing, to get out, but unfortunately Dave seems to have inspired something in a certain someone else. The sound of the singing dog hasn't gone away yet.
"Music to my ears."
"Will you shut that thing up?"
"Oh, let Freakadave have his fun. At least he doesn't complain about all the flaws in his dimension."
"I don't even think he can complain. Missing too many screws, lost his marbles, of course you know the cliches."
"At least he does something. All you'll ever do is a door. And maybe a box. I've got my own comic that I take care of whenever I feel like it. Sometimes."
"I can't do anything in here!"
"You did create that door."
-------------
"Look! I get to be on the front page too! Yay!"
"How the hell did he get in here? How can everyone get through here except me?"
"The whale's mind can't be made and gets sizzled, but moving large rocks just causes heart attacks."
"How can I think when everybody keeps on jumping in here? Why am I even talking to you? Why can I even understand what you're saying?"
"Not only is your derby hat tight, you're frying the motherboard!"
"Would you get out of here?"
"Sure! Wheeeeee...."
-------------
Slam slam slam slam slam
"Hey, stop that! You'll give me a headache."
Slamslamslamsla-
I fall straight forward.
"I know you're frustrated, but creating walls just so you can hit yourself on something seems kind of... self-defeating. Don't you have anything more... productive to do with your time?
"Don't you?"
"Well, no, not really. That's why I'm talking to you. Freakadave is a great conversationalist, but he's a little occupied."
-------------
Finally, I made something I've been wanting. It's almost enough to make me happy to be here, especially if I can make an infinite supply.
"Hey, is that Wily Beer? I think I have a good excuse to come down there sometime now..."
Feelings gone. Especially once I drop it.
------------
I managed to make a door again, and since I'm getting better, maybe I can get to something this time. I open the door and it leads to another door. Which leads to another door. Which leads to another door. Which leads to another door.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response. Not very creative with all the doors either."
"This is like a cartoon."
"We're all cartoons here, Alice."
-------------
"Why are you projecting your fanmail into my head now? And how do you even get fanmail?"
"Some of them are funny. I find it's just more amusement."
"I find that your fans' spelling is enough to make me weep. Says a lot about your fanbase, doesn't it?"
"Yep! Lazy, lazy. My kind of people."
-------------
"I can't believe I'm actually doing this."
"What, you mean that we're all in your little dimension here together just because we all enjoy watching shit blow up? Of course, I made the shit blow up in the first place..."
"Wooo! I love special comics!"
"Even Freakadave is here."
"I'm only glad he's here because he brought the popcorn."
"The dodos died lonely because they never tried to leave."
"That's a good point, Freakadave. Helmut, just stop mumbling and enjoy the show."
-------------
"It's disgusting that I actually yelled with you both at Mynd dying."
"I guess you didn't enjoy it as much as I thought you did?"
"No."
"You wouldn't admit it anyways, would you?"
-------------
It turns out you eventually start to get used to white after a while, especially a few years, but I still don't like it. I prefer to look at myself whenever possible and remind myself that I'm not going colorblind. Making those quips for the blurb is getting boring.
It doesn't help when I see purple that definitely isn't myself but can't be who I think it is, and definitely can't be walking through one of those ancient white doors I made years ago. And I have to be hallucinating that he's offering a hand. And smiling.
"Hey, come on. I don't think you want to just stay here."
"What are you doing?"
"Letting you out. You know how those union rules are."
Don't think for a second that I smiled back.