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31_days2006-08-14 05:02 pm
nutty-scribbler.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2006-08-14 05:02 pm
[August 14][Honey and Clover] Goodbye My Love, It's Been a Long Night
Title: Goodbye My Love, It's Been a Long Night
Day/Theme: August 14 - And my grief at parting from you is like that of the turtle-dove/ which brings pleasure to the hot listener, retired in a thickly-leaved / tree from the heat of summer, like a singer behind a curtain.
Series: Honey and Clover
Character/Pairing: Yamada, Yamada/Mayama, Nomiya/Mayama
Rating: G
1. Yamada likes the damp firmness of clay beneath her fingers as she moulds the shapeless lump into something recognisable and useful. Sometimes, it doesn't turn out exactly as she intends, for better or worst; she thinks pottery is a lot like life.
2. In her second year, Morita introduced Mayama to her. "Don't fall in love with him, Yamada," he warned in a very Morita way, "This guy's a heartbreaker." She wish she had heeded his advice because despite how he acts, Morita is actually very intelligent and perceptive.
3. She can't remember when she actually fell for Mayama. Maybe it was that time she saw him helping Rika into the car, and noted the gentle expression on his face. She caught herself thinking, "I could fall in love with a man like him."
5. She does know that it sounds very stupid to love someone unconditionally for so long without any returns. How do you justify the youth you've lost to this doomed love story? Is it even a love story if he doesn't love you back?
6. It is not that she doesn't want to forget him; she just doesn't know how. When you've loved someone for so long, he becomes as much part of you as your flesh and bone. Perhaps it is more accurate to liken him to a form of uncurable cancer, slowly poisoning her soul with jealousy and heartsickness.
7. Yamada laughs at her epithet "Iron Lady." Because she is anything but that. If they truly knew her, they would probably call her, "Stupid Lovesick Fool".
8. Nomiya is kind, charming and mature. He loves her very much. She knows, and that's why she feels so guilty when she takes advantage of his kindness.
9. Although her feelings are quite clear to all their friends and themselves, Yamada never actually confessed properly to Mayama. The reason is not because she is afraid of dealing with his rejection; it is because he may accept.
10. There are times when she just lets herself fantasize Mayama leaving Rika and coming to her saying, "I've always loved you. I just never realised it." She tries not to now; it hurts more afterwards because she knows it will never happen.
11. Morita once told her, "Mayama will never fall for you; you're just too independant. Weakness and neediness appeals to him. He needs to play knight to a damsel in distress." She realises that it's probably true since Morita is very intelligent and perceptive.
12. Miwako-san once remarked that Nomiya is everything Mayama aspires to be, and Mayama is everything Nomiya was. Yamada can't help wondering if she could then learn to love the future version of Mayama standing in front of her right now. A small voice in her head also whispers enticingly, that she may be what Mayama would want in the future... if she could wait long enough.
13. Rika is too nice; it just makes Yamada feels worst to be around her. But she must, if she wants to see Mayama.
14. If Mayama never existed, she suppose she could be happy with Nomiya. It is all Mayama's fault.
15. Morita once told her, she should not settle for being second best. She thinks it is a flawed argument. She either settles for being second best by waiting for Mayama, or condemn Nomiya to a similar fate by being with him.
16. Morita intelligently pointed out that she would probably be happier with a man who loves her more than she loves him.
17. Yamada looks at Rika, and wonders if it could be true. She wishes she could ask her but she doesn't dare.
18. Nomiya makes her feel funny when he's around her. He showers her witht the attention and affection she had always longed to receive from Mayama. But he is not Mayama.
19. She finally realised that she probably loves Mayama for his sincerity, kindness and gentleness towards the woman he loves. But she is not Rika. And suddenly, her bones seem to be filled with lead and she feels tired, old and foolish. But her heart is not heavy anymore.
20. One fine morning, Yamada drags Nomiya to the giant ferris wheel (the one she once rode alone with Mayama) and spent the entire journey kissing him. She also somehow managed to coerce Nomiya to go on vacation with her to Spain next month, and maybe pay a short visit to Mayama and Rika. It's symbollic: she can finally sincerely wish them happiness because she's found her own.
It has been a long dream; but it has ended and fades into the background like all dreams do. She is finally awake and a new day is here.
Day/Theme: August 14 - And my grief at parting from you is like that of the turtle-dove/ which brings pleasure to the hot listener, retired in a thickly-leaved / tree from the heat of summer, like a singer behind a curtain.
Series: Honey and Clover
Character/Pairing: Yamada, Yamada/Mayama, Nomiya/Mayama
Rating: G
1. Yamada likes the damp firmness of clay beneath her fingers as she moulds the shapeless lump into something recognisable and useful. Sometimes, it doesn't turn out exactly as she intends, for better or worst; she thinks pottery is a lot like life.
2. In her second year, Morita introduced Mayama to her. "Don't fall in love with him, Yamada," he warned in a very Morita way, "This guy's a heartbreaker." She wish she had heeded his advice because despite how he acts, Morita is actually very intelligent and perceptive.
3. She can't remember when she actually fell for Mayama. Maybe it was that time she saw him helping Rika into the car, and noted the gentle expression on his face. She caught herself thinking, "I could fall in love with a man like him."
5. She does know that it sounds very stupid to love someone unconditionally for so long without any returns. How do you justify the youth you've lost to this doomed love story? Is it even a love story if he doesn't love you back?
6. It is not that she doesn't want to forget him; she just doesn't know how. When you've loved someone for so long, he becomes as much part of you as your flesh and bone. Perhaps it is more accurate to liken him to a form of uncurable cancer, slowly poisoning her soul with jealousy and heartsickness.
7. Yamada laughs at her epithet "Iron Lady." Because she is anything but that. If they truly knew her, they would probably call her, "Stupid Lovesick Fool".
8. Nomiya is kind, charming and mature. He loves her very much. She knows, and that's why she feels so guilty when she takes advantage of his kindness.
9. Although her feelings are quite clear to all their friends and themselves, Yamada never actually confessed properly to Mayama. The reason is not because she is afraid of dealing with his rejection; it is because he may accept.
10. There are times when she just lets herself fantasize Mayama leaving Rika and coming to her saying, "I've always loved you. I just never realised it." She tries not to now; it hurts more afterwards because she knows it will never happen.
11. Morita once told her, "Mayama will never fall for you; you're just too independant. Weakness and neediness appeals to him. He needs to play knight to a damsel in distress." She realises that it's probably true since Morita is very intelligent and perceptive.
12. Miwako-san once remarked that Nomiya is everything Mayama aspires to be, and Mayama is everything Nomiya was. Yamada can't help wondering if she could then learn to love the future version of Mayama standing in front of her right now. A small voice in her head also whispers enticingly, that she may be what Mayama would want in the future... if she could wait long enough.
13. Rika is too nice; it just makes Yamada feels worst to be around her. But she must, if she wants to see Mayama.
14. If Mayama never existed, she suppose she could be happy with Nomiya. It is all Mayama's fault.
15. Morita once told her, she should not settle for being second best. She thinks it is a flawed argument. She either settles for being second best by waiting for Mayama, or condemn Nomiya to a similar fate by being with him.
16. Morita intelligently pointed out that she would probably be happier with a man who loves her more than she loves him.
17. Yamada looks at Rika, and wonders if it could be true. She wishes she could ask her but she doesn't dare.
18. Nomiya makes her feel funny when he's around her. He showers her witht the attention and affection she had always longed to receive from Mayama. But he is not Mayama.
19. She finally realised that she probably loves Mayama for his sincerity, kindness and gentleness towards the woman he loves. But she is not Rika. And suddenly, her bones seem to be filled with lead and she feels tired, old and foolish. But her heart is not heavy anymore.
20. One fine morning, Yamada drags Nomiya to the giant ferris wheel (the one she once rode alone with Mayama) and spent the entire journey kissing him. She also somehow managed to coerce Nomiya to go on vacation with her to Spain next month, and maybe pay a short visit to Mayama and Rika. It's symbollic: she can finally sincerely wish them happiness because she's found her own.
It has been a long dream; but it has ended and fades into the background like all dreams do. She is finally awake and a new day is here.