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31_days2006-06-01 07:44 pm
yesthatnagia.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2006-06-01 07:44 pm
[June 1] [Original] Deadbeat Brain
[t]itle: Deadbeat Brain
[d]ay: June 1. wind chimes moved by solar winds
[r]ating: T
[f]andom: original (SHADOWS)
[s]ummary: Maria Florenza muses on "tintinabulation", whether or not she's precognitive, and what people think about. And the city in her left eye, that too.
[w]ordcount: 1038
[n]otes: I call her "crazygirl Maria" for a reason.
Destiny. The truth is, she doesn't believe in destiny. She never has; it just never made much sense to her. It always seemed like victimization.
Maria Florenza shouldn't know the word "victimization", and she wonders about that. She eyes her Shady Lady, Bellatrix Mythen, the one Mr. Spider called tinsel.
Shady Lady is looking at her. There is something in Shady Lady's expression (is it expression? Maria doesn't remember anymore). Shady Lady is crying, behind her face.
Maria wants to rip it off. She wants to watch the tinsel bleed, to show everybody all the things that the tinsel hides behind her face, so Vinseth will understand just how special he is. The only thing keeping her from doing it is the fact that Vinseth is blind. He doesn't see the true power of the darkness in his soul. He doesn't see that for a black magician, there are no rules; he is holding himself back, according to the ancient laws of his sinful god.
Maria is not religious. Nor is she spiritual. Nor, in fact, is she much of anything she understands. She is the child of a helter-skelter, almost completely discombobulated god. Dess. Goddess? God or goddess? Not entirely sure, anymore.
The world in front of her eyes has gotten disjointed and colourful, like puzzle pieces with lots of paint thrown over them. When the doctor shines a bright light in her eyes (telling her to follow it, but she can't because they handcuffed her to her chair, how is she supposed to follow the light if she has to sit down?) she imagines...
She imagines the sun getting so big that when it did that solar storm wind thing the earth would actually feel the wind. Maybe all the wind chimes in the world would go swing swingswingjinglelinglelinglelingle. She doesn't think swingswingjinglelinglelinglelingle is a word, but it's all in her head anyway. And Edgar something Poe had a poem (Poe-M? did he invent them?) where he made up a word called "tintinabulation", and everybody says it sounds EXACTLY like what he meant. Since Shady Lady calls her a precog and says she can see the Bridge and its future, she can probably get away with swingswingjinglelinglelinglelingle.
But Vinseth probably won't let her get away with it. He thinks she talks a prettier crazy than the others do.
She doesn't know if she sees the future or if she just talks a pretty crazy-- Maria might have known, before, but everything is slipping through her fingers, now. Everything is slipping out her ears and down her arms right into her hands, but her fingers can't hold it. She tries so hard. Maria clenches her fists and keeps her eyes wide open and bites her lips and tries not to hear anything so there won't be any holes in her ears. But it all comes out her ears anyway and she loses it.
Destiny. Religion. The sun going kaboom. That's what she wants to think about, but it's all coming back to Ainzo and the city she can see in her left eye (the only thing that is crazy outside her eyes, not crazy inside them). She thinks maybe the city in her left eye actually exists outside her left eye, and it's gone crazy, and that's why she's not seeing it all funkadelic like the world she's actually living in. But maybe her god/goddess/piece of black cheese made the city just for her left eye, and it's just funkadelic in a way that has nothing to do with being a bunch of shards of colour.
She wants to call her god(dess?) Anansi, the tricksy spider, but he is not, and she cannot, because she has never actually heard the name Anansi. That one comes from either Vinseth or the tinsel, and she's not sure which. She doesn't know any spiders but him, Mr. Spider, and the spiders she saw when she was alive (not that she is dead; she's still alive, but she'll never go back to living her life, because she's the kind of crazy no pill can fix). And, of course, the Itsy Bitsy Spider, but she doubts that anybody has met the Itsy Bitsy Spider.
She always wondered about that spider... Why would it go climb something it had just fallen off of? And why would it climb a-- what was it, a well? A gutter? A water tap?-- thing that had lots of water, anyway? Even if it made it to the top, it'd just fall in and drown.
But nobody really thinks about that. People would rather think about dumb things like Skipping That Ethics Conference Versus Having A Job and Does He Leave The Milk Out All Night On Purpose and Why Is She Staring At Me Like That.
And now they're all staring at her. She wonders if she slipped and said something again.
"She was staring at you because you left the milk out all night and she thinks you did it on purpose," she tells Vinseth. To the tinsel, she says, "He doesn't do it on purpose; he has one of those things where you think things that aren't real or don't make sense, like I am a zombie or Penguins are ninja assassins. Except he thinks that he put the milk away when he really didn't, so he ends up leaving it out."
Vinseth and the tinsel sort of stare at her. She looks back at them. People are mad about something in the her lefteyecity and she huffs. She tries to force that eye to close and it does except it doesn't. She knows it does because she doesn't feel her finger poking her eye. But she knoes it hasn't because she still sees the city, and it's City Is a City - 0, City Is In My Left Eye - 1.
It is then that Maria decides she can call her god(dess) whatever she wants to call it. After all, it's all in her head, and Poe got away with tintinabulation. So thinks she'll call it Mr. Ants, even though it's a spider. After all, he was dumb enough to believe in destiny (which is just self-victimization) and climb up that well, wasn't he?
[d]ay: June 1. wind chimes moved by solar winds
[r]ating: T
[f]andom: original (SHADOWS)
[s]ummary: Maria Florenza muses on "tintinabulation", whether or not she's precognitive, and what people think about. And the city in her left eye, that too.
[w]ordcount: 1038
[n]otes: I call her "crazygirl Maria" for a reason.
Destiny. The truth is, she doesn't believe in destiny. She never has; it just never made much sense to her. It always seemed like victimization.
Maria Florenza shouldn't know the word "victimization", and she wonders about that. She eyes her Shady Lady, Bellatrix Mythen, the one Mr. Spider called tinsel.
Shady Lady is looking at her. There is something in Shady Lady's expression (is it expression? Maria doesn't remember anymore). Shady Lady is crying, behind her face.
Maria wants to rip it off. She wants to watch the tinsel bleed, to show everybody all the things that the tinsel hides behind her face, so Vinseth will understand just how special he is. The only thing keeping her from doing it is the fact that Vinseth is blind. He doesn't see the true power of the darkness in his soul. He doesn't see that for a black magician, there are no rules; he is holding himself back, according to the ancient laws of his sinful god.
Maria is not religious. Nor is she spiritual. Nor, in fact, is she much of anything she understands. She is the child of a helter-skelter, almost completely discombobulated god. Dess. Goddess? God or goddess? Not entirely sure, anymore.
The world in front of her eyes has gotten disjointed and colourful, like puzzle pieces with lots of paint thrown over them. When the doctor shines a bright light in her eyes (telling her to follow it, but she can't because they handcuffed her to her chair, how is she supposed to follow the light if she has to sit down?) she imagines...
She imagines the sun getting so big that when it did that solar storm wind thing the earth would actually feel the wind. Maybe all the wind chimes in the world would go swing swingswingjinglelinglelinglelingle. She doesn't think swingswingjinglelinglelinglelingle is a word, but it's all in her head anyway. And Edgar something Poe had a poem (Poe-M? did he invent them?) where he made up a word called "tintinabulation", and everybody says it sounds EXACTLY like what he meant. Since Shady Lady calls her a precog and says she can see the Bridge and its future, she can probably get away with swingswingjinglelinglelinglelingle.
But Vinseth probably won't let her get away with it. He thinks she talks a prettier crazy than the others do.
She doesn't know if she sees the future or if she just talks a pretty crazy-- Maria might have known, before, but everything is slipping through her fingers, now. Everything is slipping out her ears and down her arms right into her hands, but her fingers can't hold it. She tries so hard. Maria clenches her fists and keeps her eyes wide open and bites her lips and tries not to hear anything so there won't be any holes in her ears. But it all comes out her ears anyway and she loses it.
Destiny. Religion. The sun going kaboom. That's what she wants to think about, but it's all coming back to Ainzo and the city she can see in her left eye (the only thing that is crazy outside her eyes, not crazy inside them). She thinks maybe the city in her left eye actually exists outside her left eye, and it's gone crazy, and that's why she's not seeing it all funkadelic like the world she's actually living in. But maybe her god/goddess/piece of black cheese made the city just for her left eye, and it's just funkadelic in a way that has nothing to do with being a bunch of shards of colour.
She wants to call her god(dess?) Anansi, the tricksy spider, but he is not, and she cannot, because she has never actually heard the name Anansi. That one comes from either Vinseth or the tinsel, and she's not sure which. She doesn't know any spiders but him, Mr. Spider, and the spiders she saw when she was alive (not that she is dead; she's still alive, but she'll never go back to living her life, because she's the kind of crazy no pill can fix). And, of course, the Itsy Bitsy Spider, but she doubts that anybody has met the Itsy Bitsy Spider.
She always wondered about that spider... Why would it go climb something it had just fallen off of? And why would it climb a-- what was it, a well? A gutter? A water tap?-- thing that had lots of water, anyway? Even if it made it to the top, it'd just fall in and drown.
But nobody really thinks about that. People would rather think about dumb things like Skipping That Ethics Conference Versus Having A Job and Does He Leave The Milk Out All Night On Purpose and Why Is She Staring At Me Like That.
And now they're all staring at her. She wonders if she slipped and said something again.
"She was staring at you because you left the milk out all night and she thinks you did it on purpose," she tells Vinseth. To the tinsel, she says, "He doesn't do it on purpose; he has one of those things where you think things that aren't real or don't make sense, like I am a zombie or Penguins are ninja assassins. Except he thinks that he put the milk away when he really didn't, so he ends up leaving it out."
Vinseth and the tinsel sort of stare at her. She looks back at them. People are mad about something in the her lefteyecity and she huffs. She tries to force that eye to close and it does except it doesn't. She knows it does because she doesn't feel her finger poking her eye. But she knoes it hasn't because she still sees the city, and it's City Is a City - 0, City Is In My Left Eye - 1.
It is then that Maria decides she can call her god(dess) whatever she wants to call it. After all, it's all in her head, and Poe got away with tintinabulation. So thinks she'll call it Mr. Ants, even though it's a spider. After all, he was dumb enough to believe in destiny (which is just self-victimization) and climb up that well, wasn't he?