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31_days2006-05-20 11:48 pm
yesthatnagia.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2006-05-20 11:48 pm
[Day 20] [Original] For Keeps
[t]itle: For Keeps
[r]ating: PG-13
[w]ordcount:
[d]ay: May 20: I am the right hand of vengeance (Babylon 5: Between the Darkness and the Light)
[f]andom: Original (All Souls)
[p]airing: Damien/Kim Brujeau
[s]ummary: He should not be alive. But he is. Carrying his last girlfriend's will inside him, he treads, briefly, the brink between death and life.
[n]otes: Yes, really.
And yet we live.
This is the thought that continues to circle through his head. It clicks and it whirs and it whispers, whistling and circling like a train on a track. Like the second hands on the clock that he is staring at. Around and around and around it goes, where it stops, nobody knows.
And yet we live.
He should be dead. The thing he carries within him, it should be dead. Together, they should be very dead. They should be dead a thousand times over.
And yet we live.
Is Kimmy dead or alive? He wonders. This thing inside him, is it Kimmy? The writings of Kimmy's great-grandfather claim that what he has removed from Kimmy is the "dark half of her soul". According to his own forefather's scattered writings, he has ripped from her "the darkest heart that could ever beat". His ancestor was more than a little dramatic about it. Against his forefather's instructions, he has not destroyed her free will. He has eaten it. Less trouble with the law, that way.
And yet we live.
There are times he feels a weight in his stomach, as though he ate something and it was never digested. Sometimes, he thinks that he has truly swallowed a portion of her. Mentally, he knows that it's ridiculous. It's just guilt at what he did-- something he shouldn't be guilty about. Kimmy is living a normal life, isn't she? She's gone on with college, she has a job with WICK, she's looking at law school. The experiment, such as it was, has been a fantastic success. His Kimmy-- and oh, she is his, in every way possible. The fact that he swore he would never command her affection or lust frustrates him, sometimes-- has proven that being a zombie is not a death sentence. She has proven that zombies are capable of a decent quality of life.
And yet we live.
A plane crash. How he survived, he doesn't know. He is stuck between-- he doesn't know what he's stuck between. Metal and metal, both pieces hot. Some of it has lodged inside him, somewhere. Ribs have cracked. Objectively, he understands that he should not be alive.
And yet we live.
Objectively, he understands that he won't be alive for much longer.
And yet we live.
There is something supernatural lingering in the air. His little mental connection to the thousands of Sparks in the world-- The Ember Network, he's heard it called, or Mage Mental Radio-- is loud and clear. It is broadcasting something, but not being a telepath, he can't make any sense out of it. There are whispers of warning ("creep, creep, creep, creep" and what he thinks is "the cold looks nice but it isn't it isn't at all"), and, briefly, a bulletin in his general area, hopping from telepath to telepath to Spark, about a curse, but nothing else.
And yet we live.
The warning about the cold is apt. He is sinking into it. He is well aware of that. Something in his stomach gnaws on him. Perhaps it is his guilt, perhaps it is Kimmy. Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, he wants to call her and say, what are you doing to me? But he has no telephone, and he is unable to use the Mage Mental Radio.
And yet we live.
A telepath makes contact with him. Are you Damien?
"And yet we live," he says to empty air. "Yes, I am Damien, and I am alive and I am dying and--"
(And yet we live)
Shut up, says the telepath. Were you aware that you're cursed?
"And yet we live," he says to a plane full of corpses. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I didn't know."
(And yet we live)
You're dying.
"And yet we live," he says. "We are dying. Kimmy's dark little heart and me."
And yet we live? Was that the curse's trigger?
"And yet we live," he says to a person he cannot see, will never see. "It was a slip of paper in my book. I--"
And yet we live. What a strange curse trigger.
"And yet we live," the curse forces him to say, to keep saying. "Can you give me peace?"
'And yet we live'. Maybe it's a quote... And yes, I can take away your consciousness. No guarantees on the peace.
And yet we live doesn't count anymore. "Then do it."
He slips into the cold even farther. His mental eyes close and he slips away, into a dream that might not end.
[r]ating: PG-13
[w]ordcount:
[d]ay: May 20: I am the right hand of vengeance (Babylon 5: Between the Darkness and the Light)
[f]andom: Original (All Souls)
[p]airing: Damien/Kim Brujeau
[s]ummary: He should not be alive. But he is. Carrying his last girlfriend's will inside him, he treads, briefly, the brink between death and life.
[n]otes: Yes, really.
And yet we live.
This is the thought that continues to circle through his head. It clicks and it whirs and it whispers, whistling and circling like a train on a track. Like the second hands on the clock that he is staring at. Around and around and around it goes, where it stops, nobody knows.
And yet we live.
He should be dead. The thing he carries within him, it should be dead. Together, they should be very dead. They should be dead a thousand times over.
And yet we live.
Is Kimmy dead or alive? He wonders. This thing inside him, is it Kimmy? The writings of Kimmy's great-grandfather claim that what he has removed from Kimmy is the "dark half of her soul". According to his own forefather's scattered writings, he has ripped from her "the darkest heart that could ever beat". His ancestor was more than a little dramatic about it. Against his forefather's instructions, he has not destroyed her free will. He has eaten it. Less trouble with the law, that way.
And yet we live.
There are times he feels a weight in his stomach, as though he ate something and it was never digested. Sometimes, he thinks that he has truly swallowed a portion of her. Mentally, he knows that it's ridiculous. It's just guilt at what he did-- something he shouldn't be guilty about. Kimmy is living a normal life, isn't she? She's gone on with college, she has a job with WICK, she's looking at law school. The experiment, such as it was, has been a fantastic success. His Kimmy-- and oh, she is his, in every way possible. The fact that he swore he would never command her affection or lust frustrates him, sometimes-- has proven that being a zombie is not a death sentence. She has proven that zombies are capable of a decent quality of life.
And yet we live.
A plane crash. How he survived, he doesn't know. He is stuck between-- he doesn't know what he's stuck between. Metal and metal, both pieces hot. Some of it has lodged inside him, somewhere. Ribs have cracked. Objectively, he understands that he should not be alive.
And yet we live.
Objectively, he understands that he won't be alive for much longer.
And yet we live.
There is something supernatural lingering in the air. His little mental connection to the thousands of Sparks in the world-- The Ember Network, he's heard it called, or Mage Mental Radio-- is loud and clear. It is broadcasting something, but not being a telepath, he can't make any sense out of it. There are whispers of warning ("creep, creep, creep, creep" and what he thinks is "the cold looks nice but it isn't it isn't at all"), and, briefly, a bulletin in his general area, hopping from telepath to telepath to Spark, about a curse, but nothing else.
And yet we live.
The warning about the cold is apt. He is sinking into it. He is well aware of that. Something in his stomach gnaws on him. Perhaps it is his guilt, perhaps it is Kimmy. Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, he wants to call her and say, what are you doing to me? But he has no telephone, and he is unable to use the Mage Mental Radio.
And yet we live.
A telepath makes contact with him. Are you Damien?
"And yet we live," he says to empty air. "Yes, I am Damien, and I am alive and I am dying and--"
(And yet we live)
Shut up, says the telepath. Were you aware that you're cursed?
"And yet we live," he says to a plane full of corpses. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I didn't know."
(And yet we live)
You're dying.
"And yet we live," he says. "We are dying. Kimmy's dark little heart and me."
And yet we live? Was that the curse's trigger?
"And yet we live," he says to a person he cannot see, will never see. "It was a slip of paper in my book. I--"
And yet we live. What a strange curse trigger.
"And yet we live," the curse forces him to say, to keep saying. "Can you give me peace?"
'And yet we live'. Maybe it's a quote... And yes, I can take away your consciousness. No guarantees on the peace.
And yet we live doesn't count anymore. "Then do it."
He slips into the cold even farther. His mental eyes close and he slips away, into a dream that might not end.