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31_days2006-04-02 05:37 pm
tortillafactory.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2006-04-02 05:37 pm
[2 April] [James Bond] Whisper
Title: Whisper
Day/Theme: April 2nd - I am more land than water
Series: James Bond
Character/Pairing: figure it out, jeez.
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler Warning: May (or may not) spoil the novel Casino Royale. Certainly will make MUCH more sense if you've read it.
I saw him. He doesn't think I saw him, but I did.
He forgets I'm a spy, too. I also have the talent of avoiding detection when I wish. And he - he has the opposite talent. He can make every head in the room turn if he wants, and that's what he's doing now, displaying his colours like a peacock in full glory. He is an introvert who worships the spotlight. A man full of contradictions, really.
Last night he was exactly how I expected him to be - savage and commanding and cruel. I hardly looked at him. I couldn't stand to see the scars. His body was so fast and tensely muscled, and all I could think was I'd hate to be up against this man in a fight. At times I was afraid of him, and that made me want him more.
I knew the first time would be quick and hot and good, with time later for the leisurely coupling of established lovers. I knew we would feast like royalty beforehand, tease each other, go on teasing each other until we couldn't stand it. There's so much I knew about us. I wish I'd known how it was going to end.
I hid behind a rock when I saw him coming the next morning. He had been up since dawn; I had not slept at all. He had no way of knowing this. I hid from him. Why? Why shouldn't I be on the beach at dawn? I had just as much reason as he. But the fact is I hid, watching him, seeing his body as if for the first time. He's healed admirably. His scars will fade. Mine never will.
The thing that tortures me the most now, as I lay down my pen, is that he will never forgive me. I want him to think of me always, because I'm selfish, but I don't want him to hate me. I'm afraid he will. Perhaps I will ruin his life with the bitterness and the mistrust. I don't know. I don't know so much!
But what I do know is that my mind was made up when I saw him bursting out of the water on that calm, silent morning. He was like a dolphin trapped in a zoo - that graceful, and that sad. A creature of the sea. I could never join him there; we could never be kindred souls, not really, not even if the organisation to whom I pledged myself ceased to exist. I still betrayed him. And that betrayal is still there, lodged somewhere deep in our love. Scarring it.
Oh, my love, forgive me, but don't forget me.
I can't be with you. You are so like a child, always playing pretend, splashing about in the surf and hoping that somebody's watching. Your feet are never completely on dry ground. And I love you, but please understand why this cannot be. I know too much. My feet are dug too far into the soil already.
I was always more of land than of water.
Day/Theme: April 2nd - I am more land than water
Series: James Bond
Character/Pairing: figure it out, jeez.
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler Warning: May (or may not) spoil the novel Casino Royale. Certainly will make MUCH more sense if you've read it.
I saw him. He doesn't think I saw him, but I did.
He forgets I'm a spy, too. I also have the talent of avoiding detection when I wish. And he - he has the opposite talent. He can make every head in the room turn if he wants, and that's what he's doing now, displaying his colours like a peacock in full glory. He is an introvert who worships the spotlight. A man full of contradictions, really.
Last night he was exactly how I expected him to be - savage and commanding and cruel. I hardly looked at him. I couldn't stand to see the scars. His body was so fast and tensely muscled, and all I could think was I'd hate to be up against this man in a fight. At times I was afraid of him, and that made me want him more.
I knew the first time would be quick and hot and good, with time later for the leisurely coupling of established lovers. I knew we would feast like royalty beforehand, tease each other, go on teasing each other until we couldn't stand it. There's so much I knew about us. I wish I'd known how it was going to end.
I hid behind a rock when I saw him coming the next morning. He had been up since dawn; I had not slept at all. He had no way of knowing this. I hid from him. Why? Why shouldn't I be on the beach at dawn? I had just as much reason as he. But the fact is I hid, watching him, seeing his body as if for the first time. He's healed admirably. His scars will fade. Mine never will.
The thing that tortures me the most now, as I lay down my pen, is that he will never forgive me. I want him to think of me always, because I'm selfish, but I don't want him to hate me. I'm afraid he will. Perhaps I will ruin his life with the bitterness and the mistrust. I don't know. I don't know so much!
But what I do know is that my mind was made up when I saw him bursting out of the water on that calm, silent morning. He was like a dolphin trapped in a zoo - that graceful, and that sad. A creature of the sea. I could never join him there; we could never be kindred souls, not really, not even if the organisation to whom I pledged myself ceased to exist. I still betrayed him. And that betrayal is still there, lodged somewhere deep in our love. Scarring it.
Oh, my love, forgive me, but don't forget me.
I can't be with you. You are so like a child, always playing pretend, splashing about in the surf and hoping that somebody's watching. Your feet are never completely on dry ground. And I love you, but please understand why this cannot be. I know too much. My feet are dug too far into the soil already.
I was always more of land than of water.