[ Dec 1 ] [G1 Transformers] The Other Half

[amethystlight.livejournal.com]

This is a weird little idea that was inspired by a scene over on TFBlogs, and it has evolved into a rampaging plotbunny currently sitting in the middle of my headspace. I'm going to try to write a full fic out of it.

Credit to horsetechie for said inspiration and for beta'ing the first and second drafts. A nod, also, to The Starhorse's fanfic But They Can Hope for insight on Sideswipe and Transformer siblings.


Title: The Other Half
Date/Theme: Dec. 1 / E como vivo?
Series: G1 Transformers
Characters: Sideswipe, Channel, Ratchet, Hound, Cliffjumper
Rating: PG-13


"I froze where I was, even in the midst of the battle, it felt like time itself was stopping as I turned and looked through all the smoke and fire, past the bodies of the fallen...knowing that somewhere in all of it my brother was now one of those bodies. I knew it. The very instant he fell!"

***

"It felt like a portion of my very spark was abruptly..gone. And that is true..because we share..shared parts of the same spark. My brother, my twin, just..gone. Everything in my core processor felt cut from me. I think I dropped my gun, forgetting what was going on around me. Somehow the Decepticons overlooked my moment of vulnerability. But I...I wish they had gunned me down, too."

***

"Why did they have to spare me? If I could even ask for a stray lance of laser fire! Something, anything, take away that ache in my spark! A spark in half...I'd never felt such pain before. Physical, mental, emotional. I thought I was going to black out. Still waiting for a bullet to strike me down..."

***

"What could I do but follow him where he had at last gone? This had to be it, the final stand for us. Where was the shot to end my life, too? What were they waiting for? Why were they sparing me?! How could not one shot not find me?!"

*****

Sideswipe entered the Ark's lounge and looked around with an almost panicked stare even though only one other Autobot was there, sitting on a stool at the counter along the opposite wall. He closed the door behind him -- even though the door was supposed to remain open at all times -- and took a seat next to the silver femme who clutched a metal mug of energon with a death grip, evidenced by the finger markings in the sides of the mug. She jerked her head to look at him, her expression weary and having a similiar hint of panic in it.

"Channel, I don't know if I can keep this up. I feel like I'm only half-functioning." He swiveled the stool so his back was to the counter. He clasped his hands in front of him, then placed one on each knee, then clasped them again.

Channel took a swig from the mug then set it down but kept one hand on it. "I know..." She paused and winced for no apparent reason. "...what you mean."

"I can't take it. It's been two months since he--"

"They..."

He dipped his head in an apologetic acknowledgement. "They died, and I...just can't take feeling so..so..." Sideswipe trailed off and lowered his head, shuttering his optics.

"Alone," she offered, mutual sorrow in her tone and her face. They both remained quite for a breem afterward.

Then he glanced back and forth once before looking at her. "Did you find out anything?"

She stared at the mug then returned his gaze. "Yeah...Ratchet's not quite immune to my charms." She grinned, the beauty that had been sapped away by loss coming to the fore once again, but she immediately sobered after that brief second. "It's possible. He isn't keen on it, but I insisted."

Sideswipe nodded. "Yeah, I can imagine why he'd hesitate...but...but......" Sunstreaker.

Tracks... She reached to pat his arm and said quietly, "I know."

"O-Of course you do. You're the only one who could possibly know." He reached up with his other hand to clasp hers, then they sat in silence for the rest of the night.


*****

Ratchet looked up from his morning mug of low-grade when an internal perimeter alert let him know someone was lurking outside his office. He had to force away a frown when he saw Channel glancing in through the door. "Back again? Didn't I suggest you try to find something constructive to--" He paused when he caught a glimpse of Sideswipe behind her. He sighed heavily and stood, then turned and fastidiously wheeled the chair into place to buy time to think and so they wouldn't see him frowning at the wall.

When he turned to them, Sideswipe was still flitting around beyond the doorway. Channel stood with her hands clasped together, her gaze on the floor. Ratchet went over and put a hand under her chin to raise her head. "You really want to do this, don't you?" He also looked past her to Sideswipe, pinning the red mech in mid-step from the stern look in his optics.

Sideswipe nodded. Ratchet looked back at Channel; being that close, he couldn't deny the seriousness in her expression. He released her chin and spun on his heel, pacing the short distance across his office. "I suppose I could keep telling you even though it's possible, it's never been done before and you'll still be set on it." He didn't have to look at them to know they would affirm this. He sighed and muttered, "Why couldn't you two just become lovers and make this easy..."

Having heard the comment, they both made utterances of horror and Channel squeaked out, "Ratchet! That would be like incest.."

He cast a glance at her that was uniquely indescribable for the sheer doubt in it. Ratchet shook his head. "The human term 'bullshit' comes to mind. You're either both crazy or...desperate." He suddenly looked at them with a different idea of the situation. Sobered, he drew air through his intakes and said more gently, "Is it really that bad for you?"

Sideswipe was the one to answer, making Ratchet worry even more. "We can't describe it. You can't begin to understand...You simply can't."

"Yeah, I know -- I'm a medic, not a psychologist."

"It's not just psychological," Channel said quietly.

Ratchet frowned slightly, having his doubts about that. "So what else?"

Channel and Sideswipe glanced at each other and the femme answered, "It's difficult to explain. Like he said, not you or anyone else here can understand."

Ratchet stared hard at them, then glared at the floor, muttering again. "Twins. O, the wonderous mysteries of Primus..." Yet his voice softened, because it was all too true that mechs bonded at such a level were a mystery, and no one could know what the total effects of losing a twin were like.

Except the two before him. And from Ratchet's non-psychologist assessment, it was driving them mad. Making them desperate to find a way to fill the spark-deep need for a sibling. In Sideswipe's case he understood it better, since he and Sunstreaker had been together through the wars on Cybertron on through to the Ark's unintentional trip to Earth. But Channel and Tracks had been seperated for millenia, ending up in different groups during the battle back home, and then he ended up on Earth in stasis lock for years while she continued fighting on Cybertron; they were what seemed only recently reunited here. Yet in all that time she didn't indicate being affected. But then, they might have been seperated, and he was "asleep", yet he was still alive through it all and her spark knew that.

Things were completely different now.

Part of him was interested in pondering what it all meant -- he would have to bring it up to Perceptor and Skids at some point to see who could produce something that made the most sense out of it. But for now he was still left with what to do about the two lost mechs before him. Lost, pathetic, in pain he couldn't grasp in medical terms. It irritated him. But he was still a doctor, and still wanted to ease their suffering in what way he could...Even if it was unconventional.

*****

Some weeks later.

The ousting of the Decepticons from another attempt to steal the human's resources called for a ritual celebration. Everyone who wasn't laid up with injuries was in the lounge, relaxing and chatting, trying to unwind from the day's trials. Cliffjumper, Bumblebee, Mirage, and Channel stood in one corner talking, while in another Bluestreak, Inferno, and Red Alert were seeing who could drink the others under the table first. Or rather, the former two were. The latter was reprimanding them in an attempt to stop them. Sideswipe was at the energon dispensers, trying to decide if he wanted mid-grade or a small shot of high-grade. Hound came over with his own emptied cup. "Hey there, Sideswipe! You're looking particularly shiny today."

"Hm? Yeah, just felt like polishin' up," Sideswipe replied non-chalantly.

"Took the time after the mission, I noticed."

The red mech shrugged.

Just then Cliffjumper came over, looking irritated. "Yo, Sideswipe! You need to have a talk with Channel. I think she was about to kill me over there. Sheesh, wasn't that big a deal, I thought. She's getting just as insufferable a.." He abruptly stopped himself and merely frowned in disapproval.

"I'm sorry about that. I'll definitely talk to her," Sideswipe said as if not hearing the last part of the complaint.

Cliffjumper traded looks with Hound, both knowing that tone. "Yeah..see that you do..." the minibot mumbled, then wandered out of the lounge.

Hound cleared his vocalizer and asked quietly, "So..uhm..what was the operation like? Did it hurt?"

"I don't remember if it did." Sideswipe looked across the room at Channel and smiled. "I just remember that I felt whole again."