[11.01][Good Omens] Weight Challenged

[w175n57.livejournal.com]

title: weight challenged
day/theme: 11/01 - things you've never seen
series: good omens
characters: aziraphale, crowley
rating: pg




"Please?"
"No."
"He deserves it."
"No."

They had gone over this multiple times: the stereotypically weight challenged white male addicted to cheap American fast food.

"Everyone loves gift cards."
"To McDonald's?"
"It's nice."
"Demonic?"
"American."
"No."

From Crowley's point of view, giving the man an unlimited pass to junk food was an indirect blessing: eventually, he would eat himself into oblivion or a heart attack, which would trigger a bypass surgery, new blood vessels, and if they were lucky, Newfound Health Awareness. (Of course, Aziraphale then pointed out that they could just give the man a heart attack, which rather defeated Crowley's argument, and was thusly ignored.)

"Fine, then, cover your eyes."
"Any reason?"
"See no evil, speak no evil..."
"That doesn't work!"
"Why not?"
"I'm an angel! I am bound by duty to stop you! The last time God turned a blind eye while Satan was doing something-"
"Yes, we know, faux housewives were released from jail. It works for me."
"Oh?"
"One-way sunglasses."
"Oh."

In the end, over a cup of tea conjured two tables away from the man with the double cheeseburger, fries, onion rings, chicken strips, apple pie and diet coke, they agreed to send the card.

Crowley never let on that he knew Aziraphale sent a Tae-Bo workout video later, and it all worked out fine.