[15-Dec-2016] [Original] Based One

[kb9vcn.livejournal.com]

Title: Based One
Prompt: 15-Dec-2016 "courage is needed to make the step from zero to one"
Based on: (original)
Characters: (original)
Type: Humor; 200 words
Warnings: Data processing humor.

"I found a bug in your data-processing script. You're assuming that this array starts with the element indexed at one."

"And that's bad because?..."

"Because arrays start with an element indexed at zero."

"...huh?"

"It makes sense if you think about it. Numbers start with zero. And if you count backwards, countdowns end with zero."

"Well, OK, but when you talk about the FIRST thing in any group, you write '1st' as 'one-ess-tee', not as 'zero-ess-tee'."

"That has nothing to do with this. An item can be the first element of an array and still have a index address of zero."

"That doesn't make any sense! The FIRST house on a street has an address of ONE, not ZERO!"

"That has nothing to do with it either! Look, do you want me to help you fix this script or not?"

"You're the ONE who's making ZERO sense here."

"Fine. You should use a 'for-each' loop instead of an index anyway."

"Why?"

"Because a 'for-each' loop is safer."

"Why?"

"Because array indexes can go OUT OF BOUNDS!"

"WHY!? You just SAID numbers start with ZERO!!"

"We haven't got to the end of the array!! And at THIS rate, we never WILL!!"