[27-Sep-2016] [Metall/u/rgy] Miss Diagnosis

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Title: Miss Diagnosis
Prompt: 27-Sep-2016 "This time, for sure!"
Based on: Metall/u/rgy
Characters: Chlorine, Mercury, Zirconium
Type: Humor/parody; 100 words
Warnings: None.

Chlorine had taken a mildly ill Mercury to Zirconium's office for an examination.

"What seems to be the trouble?" Zirconium asked kindly.

"I looked up her symptoms on the Internet," Chlorine said, "and I think she has cancer."

Zirconium sighed. "Well, let's not jump to conclusions—"

"Are you sure it's not a tumor?" Chlorine asked worriedly.

"It's NOT a TUMOR," Zirconium said firmly.

"If you ask me," Mercury said calmly, "I think it's lupus."

"IT'S NOT LUPUS!!" Zirconium yelled.

"If it's not cancer, and it's not lupus," Mercury said, "then it's OBVIOUSLY Gwort's palsy."

I need a drink, Zirconium thought.