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31_days2016-08-27 08:19 pm
insaneladybug.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2016-08-27 08:19 pm
[August 27th] [The Wild Wild West] The Look of Love
Title: The Look of Love
Day/Theme: August 27th - Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.
Series: The Wild Wild West (specifically, The Poisonous Posey episode)
Character/Pairing: Snakes Tolliver/Chita McCarthy (she's an OC; he's in my icon)
Rating: K+/PG
Continued from prior pieces.
By Lucky_Ladybug
As much as I never wanted to admit it out loud, back in the day I was really kind of a sentimentalist. I hated how messed-up my life was and when I saw people who looked like they were having a good time with life and love, I envied them and wanted that for myself. I didn't read mushy books or anything like that, since fiction wasn't like real-life and I didn't want to live in a fantasy land, but when I saw real couples who never seemed to lose the magic of being together, I was really caught up in it.
I thought Chita looked at me like that sometimes, like on that first night we met and on several other occasions. Maybe she was looking at my pocketbook. But when I thought it was actually me, I got wrapped up in the moment and I thought I had the best thing I ever possibly could.
After everything fell apart, I couldn't look at those real couples for a long time. They reminded me too much of what I thought I'd had and really didn't. And I was bitter and angry. I wondered why they got to have something that I didn't. What made them better than me? Why wasn't I just as deserving of a happy ending? Instead I always got burned, even when I was trying to do the right thing.
Of course, getting mixed up with Chita was my own fault; it wasn't some kind of divine punishment that it failed. But it still felt like one more nail in the coffin, one more way that people had let me down in my life. I never did catch a break, as far as I was concerned. So I fell deeper into crime and anger and not wanting to get close to anyone.
I hadn't really actively looked for a romantic interest since long before Chita. Afterwords, I not only didn't want to pick up the search again, but I gave up the thought of even trying. I'd already seen time and again that she was right about nobody wanting damaged merchandise. Maybe there were people out there that wouldn't care what I looked like, but I'd never found any of them and I was sick to death of getting my heart busted.
I decided the best course of action was in milking up what I could get as a worldly and popular character along the Mississippi River. I fell into liking revelry and having fun and showing the saloon girls a good time . . . within reason. I wasn't about to share a bed with any of them, but most of them were okay with that. They liked not being treated like sex objects. I knew I'd never get fooled by them because they all wanted the same thing from me: money. And they'd only get a little bit for drinks and songs and a little bit of gambling. So I didn't have to be alone, but I also didn't get any more of my fortunes stolen.
I ended up with quite a reputation as a raucous partygoer. More like party-thrower. If I was in a saloon, people knew to expect things would get hopping. Just as long as the place didn't get busted up and there wasn't any danger of everybody getting arrested for indecency, almost anything went.
Deep down, I was still lonely and I wanted a normal life with a wife who would actually care about me. But I would never show that side of me to anyone if I could help it.
And what about now? Well, I still don't like mushy things and I'm not actively looking for anyone. In my experience, the more you seek out things on purpose, the less likely you are to find them. If something's gonna happen, it'll be when you're not looking for it.
But when I see couples with that look in their eyes that says they still find magic in each other no matter how long they've been together, I guess I'm back to being a sentimentalist to some extent. These days I just feel happy for them and am glad that true love really is out there and not just in silly cartoon movies.
Even if it'll never come to me.
Day/Theme: August 27th - Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.
Series: The Wild Wild West (specifically, The Poisonous Posey episode)
Character/Pairing: Snakes Tolliver/Chita McCarthy (she's an OC; he's in my icon)
Rating: K+/PG
Continued from prior pieces.
As much as I never wanted to admit it out loud, back in the day I was really kind of a sentimentalist. I hated how messed-up my life was and when I saw people who looked like they were having a good time with life and love, I envied them and wanted that for myself. I didn't read mushy books or anything like that, since fiction wasn't like real-life and I didn't want to live in a fantasy land, but when I saw real couples who never seemed to lose the magic of being together, I was really caught up in it.
I thought Chita looked at me like that sometimes, like on that first night we met and on several other occasions. Maybe she was looking at my pocketbook. But when I thought it was actually me, I got wrapped up in the moment and I thought I had the best thing I ever possibly could.
After everything fell apart, I couldn't look at those real couples for a long time. They reminded me too much of what I thought I'd had and really didn't. And I was bitter and angry. I wondered why they got to have something that I didn't. What made them better than me? Why wasn't I just as deserving of a happy ending? Instead I always got burned, even when I was trying to do the right thing.
Of course, getting mixed up with Chita was my own fault; it wasn't some kind of divine punishment that it failed. But it still felt like one more nail in the coffin, one more way that people had let me down in my life. I never did catch a break, as far as I was concerned. So I fell deeper into crime and anger and not wanting to get close to anyone.
I hadn't really actively looked for a romantic interest since long before Chita. Afterwords, I not only didn't want to pick up the search again, but I gave up the thought of even trying. I'd already seen time and again that she was right about nobody wanting damaged merchandise. Maybe there were people out there that wouldn't care what I looked like, but I'd never found any of them and I was sick to death of getting my heart busted.
I decided the best course of action was in milking up what I could get as a worldly and popular character along the Mississippi River. I fell into liking revelry and having fun and showing the saloon girls a good time . . . within reason. I wasn't about to share a bed with any of them, but most of them were okay with that. They liked not being treated like sex objects. I knew I'd never get fooled by them because they all wanted the same thing from me: money. And they'd only get a little bit for drinks and songs and a little bit of gambling. So I didn't have to be alone, but I also didn't get any more of my fortunes stolen.
I ended up with quite a reputation as a raucous partygoer. More like party-thrower. If I was in a saloon, people knew to expect things would get hopping. Just as long as the place didn't get busted up and there wasn't any danger of everybody getting arrested for indecency, almost anything went.
Deep down, I was still lonely and I wanted a normal life with a wife who would actually care about me. But I would never show that side of me to anyone if I could help it.
And what about now? Well, I still don't like mushy things and I'm not actively looking for anyone. In my experience, the more you seek out things on purpose, the less likely you are to find them. If something's gonna happen, it'll be when you're not looking for it.
But when I see couples with that look in their eyes that says they still find magic in each other no matter how long they've been together, I guess I'm back to being a sentimentalist to some extent. These days I just feel happy for them and am glad that true love really is out there and not just in silly cartoon movies.
Even if it'll never come to me.