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31_days2016-08-17 08:39 pm
insaneladybug.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2016-08-17 08:39 pm
[August 17th] [The Wild Wild West] Gaslighted?
Title: Gaslighted?
Day/Theme: August 17th - "We only remember what never really happened"
Series: The Wild Wild West (specifically, The Poisonous Posey episode)
Character/Pairing: Snakes Tolliver/Chita McCarthy (she's an OC; he's in my icon)
Rating: K/G
Continued from the prior pieces.
By Lucky_Ladybug
It's funny how people skew stuff they remember, usually so it tips things in their favor. I'm guilty of that myself, I'm sure. I think I know how it was, but I don't really know what it was like from Chita's side other than what she actually told me.
I wonder if anybody really knows both sides of a story. I guess they'd have to have been there, seen the whole thing, and been completely impartial to both sides. But then nobody remembers things the exact same way, even onlookers. There's been plenty of tests in college classes to show that. I guess God is the only one who really knows the whole picture. If you believe in God.
Of course, Chita never really knew how it was from my side of things, either. As I was laying there on the bed, I wondered if she actually realized how bad she'd hurt me. I wondered if she'd even been trying to or if she never meant to. She probably never meant for me to find out what she was doing, but when I caught her, she was so cornered that she blurted it all out. She probably just didn't want me to know because she wanted to keep me as her meal ticket, though. I don't have any illusions that she was actively keeping it from me because she knew I'd be hurt if I found out.
And then some of those bizarre arguments that she'd start just so she could pout and run away and I'd have to look for her. . . . Some of them were about things I'd really said or done that she claimed to be upset about. I'll admit that. But the others . . . I have no memory of some of the things she told me I'd done. Maybe I did them and I just didn't remember because they were of such little significance to me. But knowing how she liked to create trouble, I wouldn't be surprised if she just made things up off the cuff.
Actually, I was watching some old movie the other night. It was called Gaslight. And when I saw it, it really kind of creeped me out. The guy was deliberately trying to drive his wife crazy, so he'd make up things that he claimed she did and insist she did them and didn't remember, and the poor thing really started wondering if she was cracking up.
All I could think about the longer I watched was how Chita had treated me all those years ago and about all the things she claimed I said or did that I just couldn't remember. I never thought it back then, but ever since I saw that movie I've had to wonder: was she trying to drive me crazy the same way? I knew she hadn't wanted to drive me to a divorce, but to drive me into insanity would have been something different altogether, something that could have worked in her favor. Maybe it was another way she wanted to get control of all of my money, not just some of it.
Still, I kind of have a hard time believing that about her. I mean, I don't like to say it, but I really don't think of her as being someone who could plan something like that out. She just seemed more . . . out there. She wasn't dumb or anything. Far from it. But she wasn't patient and something like that would take a lot of patience to work out and execute. She did weird stuff completely at random, usually because she thought it would be fun.
That's how I remember her, anyway. But I clearly never really knew her all the time I was married to her. Maybe I still don't know her now.
Day/Theme: August 17th - "We only remember what never really happened"
Series: The Wild Wild West (specifically, The Poisonous Posey episode)
Character/Pairing: Snakes Tolliver/Chita McCarthy (she's an OC; he's in my icon)
Rating: K/G
Continued from the prior pieces.
It's funny how people skew stuff they remember, usually so it tips things in their favor. I'm guilty of that myself, I'm sure. I think I know how it was, but I don't really know what it was like from Chita's side other than what she actually told me.
I wonder if anybody really knows both sides of a story. I guess they'd have to have been there, seen the whole thing, and been completely impartial to both sides. But then nobody remembers things the exact same way, even onlookers. There's been plenty of tests in college classes to show that. I guess God is the only one who really knows the whole picture. If you believe in God.
Of course, Chita never really knew how it was from my side of things, either. As I was laying there on the bed, I wondered if she actually realized how bad she'd hurt me. I wondered if she'd even been trying to or if she never meant to. She probably never meant for me to find out what she was doing, but when I caught her, she was so cornered that she blurted it all out. She probably just didn't want me to know because she wanted to keep me as her meal ticket, though. I don't have any illusions that she was actively keeping it from me because she knew I'd be hurt if I found out.
And then some of those bizarre arguments that she'd start just so she could pout and run away and I'd have to look for her. . . . Some of them were about things I'd really said or done that she claimed to be upset about. I'll admit that. But the others . . . I have no memory of some of the things she told me I'd done. Maybe I did them and I just didn't remember because they were of such little significance to me. But knowing how she liked to create trouble, I wouldn't be surprised if she just made things up off the cuff.
Actually, I was watching some old movie the other night. It was called Gaslight. And when I saw it, it really kind of creeped me out. The guy was deliberately trying to drive his wife crazy, so he'd make up things that he claimed she did and insist she did them and didn't remember, and the poor thing really started wondering if she was cracking up.
All I could think about the longer I watched was how Chita had treated me all those years ago and about all the things she claimed I said or did that I just couldn't remember. I never thought it back then, but ever since I saw that movie I've had to wonder: was she trying to drive me crazy the same way? I knew she hadn't wanted to drive me to a divorce, but to drive me into insanity would have been something different altogether, something that could have worked in her favor. Maybe it was another way she wanted to get control of all of my money, not just some of it.
Still, I kind of have a hard time believing that about her. I mean, I don't like to say it, but I really don't think of her as being someone who could plan something like that out. She just seemed more . . . out there. She wasn't dumb or anything. Far from it. But she wasn't patient and something like that would take a lot of patience to work out and execute. She did weird stuff completely at random, usually because she thought it would be fun.
That's how I remember her, anyway. But I clearly never really knew her all the time I was married to her. Maybe I still don't know her now.