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31_days2016-07-02 04:31 pm
bane-6.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2016-07-02 04:31 pm
[July 2] [Watchmen] Toothache
Title: Toothache
Day/Theme:
Series: Watchmen
Character/Pairing: Dan
Rating: PG
Dan managed to avoid thinking about it for a long time. It was like eating around a toothache. One wrong touch, one clench too, and the pain would spike all the way through him. There were so many possibilities, things he should’ve done, and every one of them stung like hornets. He didn’t talk about it to anyone, especially not Laurie. She used anger to combat guilt. One time that had shocked them both, she had used her fist. His glasses had gone flying and her own face smashed like she was the one who had been punched.
She had gone to her knees apologizing. She was used to Jon, she tried to explain. He had ridden out her tantrums implacable and painless. She had been able to lash out anyway she wanted without hurting him. She was so, so sorry. Oh my God, she was so sorry. Was it bad? Was his jaw broken? It hadn’t been, but the bruise was fast and vivid and she had gone to cry in the bathroom. He had ended up getting his own ice pack and then comforting her, because it really wasn’t her fault, was it? She was used to something omnipotent and invincible. She was more like her father than she could stand to talk about. Maybe that was what her dreams were about.
He never asked. She was gone now. She had left him. She had said something about it being as much for his own good as hers when she left. He had agreed with her, like always. He did his best not to think about that either. There was so much he could’ve said or done to stop it from ending this way. He hadn't even tried. He just prayed that she wouldn’t make it into his dreams.
All the things he was so careful not to think about ran wild in his dreams. They were dark and raspy and in so many shades of gray that the black and white hurt to look at. All the guilt he hadn’t admitted to was growled out at him. He couldn’t breathe from the smell and the grip on his throat. His hands were too paralyzed to fight back. It felt like all his fingers had been broken. There wasn’t any pain, just the frustration and horror of splintered bones grinding in their joints.
There was always accusation. There was always the undercurrent of grief and betrayal. Even asleep Dan knew that was his fault too. He hadn’t been there when he was needed. He had kept himself safe and let others pay the price. He had his excuses. He always had plenty of those. It still hurt. It still felt like trying to gather handfuls of bloody snow and pat them back into the right shape. The icy wind pulled the pieces away from him and here at the end, he had nowhere to run from it.
He stayed awake as long as he could. Coffee, heavily sugared, helped. He watched the news for any sign of Laurie or what she might be doing. He talked to the empty chair like she would still be in it. He considers getting a dog like Hollis had and talk to it. He considers writing it down in a journal like Rorschach kept. He does neither. He can’t stay awake forever. The guilt won’t stay buried. The dreams can’t be escaped for long.
Day/Theme:
Series: Watchmen
Character/Pairing: Dan
Rating: PG
Dan managed to avoid thinking about it for a long time. It was like eating around a toothache. One wrong touch, one clench too, and the pain would spike all the way through him. There were so many possibilities, things he should’ve done, and every one of them stung like hornets. He didn’t talk about it to anyone, especially not Laurie. She used anger to combat guilt. One time that had shocked them both, she had used her fist. His glasses had gone flying and her own face smashed like she was the one who had been punched.
She had gone to her knees apologizing. She was used to Jon, she tried to explain. He had ridden out her tantrums implacable and painless. She had been able to lash out anyway she wanted without hurting him. She was so, so sorry. Oh my God, she was so sorry. Was it bad? Was his jaw broken? It hadn’t been, but the bruise was fast and vivid and she had gone to cry in the bathroom. He had ended up getting his own ice pack and then comforting her, because it really wasn’t her fault, was it? She was used to something omnipotent and invincible. She was more like her father than she could stand to talk about. Maybe that was what her dreams were about.
He never asked. She was gone now. She had left him. She had said something about it being as much for his own good as hers when she left. He had agreed with her, like always. He did his best not to think about that either. There was so much he could’ve said or done to stop it from ending this way. He hadn't even tried. He just prayed that she wouldn’t make it into his dreams.
All the things he was so careful not to think about ran wild in his dreams. They were dark and raspy and in so many shades of gray that the black and white hurt to look at. All the guilt he hadn’t admitted to was growled out at him. He couldn’t breathe from the smell and the grip on his throat. His hands were too paralyzed to fight back. It felt like all his fingers had been broken. There wasn’t any pain, just the frustration and horror of splintered bones grinding in their joints.
There was always accusation. There was always the undercurrent of grief and betrayal. Even asleep Dan knew that was his fault too. He hadn’t been there when he was needed. He had kept himself safe and let others pay the price. He had his excuses. He always had plenty of those. It still hurt. It still felt like trying to gather handfuls of bloody snow and pat them back into the right shape. The icy wind pulled the pieces away from him and here at the end, he had nowhere to run from it.
He stayed awake as long as he could. Coffee, heavily sugared, helped. He watched the news for any sign of Laurie or what she might be doing. He talked to the empty chair like she would still be in it. He considers getting a dog like Hollis had and talk to it. He considers writing it down in a journal like Rorschach kept. He does neither. He can’t stay awake forever. The guilt won’t stay buried. The dreams can’t be escaped for long.