[12-Jun-2016] [Metall/u/rgy] Rainy Day Women #13 & 79

[kb9vcn.livejournal.com]

Title: Rainy Day Women #13 & 79
Prompt: 12-Jun-2016 "a drowsy damsel in a see-through saffron gown"
Based on: Metall/u/rgy
See also: "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35" by Bob Dylan.
Characters: Aluminum, Gold, Mercury, Chlorine, Silver
Type: Humor; about 4300 words
Warnings: Casual full and partial nudity, cheesy adult humor, and non-stop fan-service in general.
Notes: This might take place in the recent past of the canon timeline, as Aluminum doesn't yet know Mercury's age or address.

Aluminum slowly awoke, one rainy morning, and found herself in one of her favorite places to awaken— the bed of another woman.

She felt a slight dull headache, and then sleepily remembered drinking heavily at a party late the night before. She was also slightly hungry, and realized that it must be mid- or late morning by now, much later than when she usually got out of bed.

But she didn't feel like getting out of bed just yet. The soft sound of the steady rain, with occasional distant thunder, was wonderfully relaxing. And she was warm and cozy, despite the fact that she was wearing only a sheer nightgown... a nightgown that wasn't hers.

Aluminum opened her eyes and looked down at herself to examine the nightgown. I must have borrowed this from last night's lover, she thought. But it's strange— I don't remember putting it on before we... or putting it BACK on AFTER we... Well, it doesn't matter. I'm glad to have it. I remember now that I went 'commando' under the party-gown I wore last night.

She turned to one side, and saw the hair and bare shoulder of the other woman facing away from her. She's still asleep, Aluminum thought. I wonder who she is. She's obviously a stunning beauty. Just look at that long golden hair, and that golden skin, and...

...wait, WHAT!?

Suddenly fully awake, Aluminum propped herself up on one elbow and looked over Gold's shoulder at her face. Oh GOD, Aluminum thought. It's HER. Oh GOD oh GOD WHAT have I DONE oh GOD oh GOD oh GOD...

She shook her head to clear it. Don't panic. You could NEVER get THAT drunk. And you're wearing a nightgown, and she's still wearing her underwear, and it's likely that nothing happened between us. Yes, that's right. This obviously isn't Gold and Silver's bedroom, and it's not a guest room, or even a hotel room. It looks like a small apartment bedroom, or maybe a mad scientist's laboratory. Look at all that electronic rubbish and all those open chemicals...

Now calm again, Aluminum frowned in thought. If this is someone else's apartment, then that means we were BOTH brought here by someone else. This must be the other person's apartment. I wonder who it was—

As if on cue, she felt someone stir in their sleep from the other side of the bed. She's in bed with BOTH of us? Aluminum thought as she turned to her other side. Well, that's understandable. This IS her apartment and her bed. I wonder if she's someone I know...

And then, Aluminum's heart skipped a beat, and bile rose in her throat, and the bottom fell out of her slightly hung-over skull. She immediately recognized the hair of the third woman— the straight neck-length hair that was dyed a unique fluorescent shade of red. Only one woman in the entire city had hair like that.

Mercury.

Aluminum briefly lost her sanity. I see, she thought. It all makes sense now. I know exactly what happened last night. I know exactly where I am.

I'VE DIED AND GONE TO HELL.

—

After carefully extracting herself from the unexpectedly hellish MILF sandwich in which she had awoken, Aluminum stumbled along the narrow path of uncluttered floor from the bedroom to the kitchen. She turned on the cold water tap, splashed water over her face, and then grabbed a nearby drinking glass, filled it, and gulped it down in one go.

Alright, she thought. What do I do now?

I don't know where I am. I don't know where Mercury lives. I don't know where my dress or my purse are. I have no one whom I can call for help— Beryllium and Magnesium are both out of town, and I am not calling Scandium like this— and my phone is in my purse anyway. And I can't leave without my purse, and I can't walk home barefoot in the rain in a nightgown and no underwear...

It was all too much for poor Aluminum to bear. OBVIOUSLY, she suddenly thought, I should just KILL MYSELF.

She turned back to the kitchen counter and looked over the oven. No good. It's electric, not gas. Could I bash in my own skull with the saucepan or the skillet on the range? No, I don't want to take a chance on merely knocking myself unconscious...

She opened a counter drawer and rummaged through it. I wonder where Mercury keeps her kitchen knives. I could slit my wrists, and then bleed all over her floor out of spite... Confound it, why is this kitchen so SAFE!?...

Suddenly, to her sheer horror, she felt two arms encircle her waist, the warm breath of a slightly shorter woman on her neck, and the (admittedly not entirely unpleasant) soft press of said woman's chest against her back.

"Good morning, sweetie," Mercury purred in Aluminum's ear.

Aluminum's reaction was extremely uncharacteristic yet entirely predictable. "For the SWEET LOVE of ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE. LET. GO. OF. ME."

Mercury stood back. "You're so CUTE when you're all flustered and hung-over and stuff," she said. "And my nightgown looks good on you too. It's a bit small and tight on you, but that's hardly a bad thing, now, is it?"

"Your nightgown..." Aluminum repeated dully. And then, another horrible realization dawned on her. "PLEASE tell me that you haven't worn this since the last time you washed it."

Mercury (who was currently wearing relatively plain and modest underwear) shook her head. "No can do. I wore that nightgown the night before last, in fact—"

"EEUGH GETITOFFME GETITOFFME GETITOFFMEEEEEEE!!" Aluminum briefly flailed her arms and danced in place, and then she pulled the nightgown over her head in one sweep, balled it up, and flung it across the kitchen, leaving herself naked, wide-eyed and gasping for breath.

Mercury frowned. "Oh dear. That was the LEAST sexy striptease I've ever seen."

"GIVE me BACK my DRESS," Aluminum demanded.

"I can't," Mercury said sheepishly. "It's not here."

"...it's not here." Aluminum repeated in disbelief.

"Yep."

"It's GONE?"

"Yep."

"You GOT RID of my DRESS?" Aluminum asked.

"Well, not exactly," Mercury said. "But it's not here."

"WHY. IS. MY. DRESS. NOT. HERE!?" Aluminum snarled.

"Because you were soaked to the bone," Mercury said. "All three of us were caught in the rain last night. Remember?"

"NO!!" Aluminum yelled. But then, she paused. "Wait a moment... Yes! I DO remember. You and Gold were running to get out of the rain... And I happened to meet you on the street just after I left a party... And all three of us shared a ride back to your apartment?"

"You've got it now," Mercury said encouragingly.

"And you pulled my dress off, and toweled me dry, and put nightclothes on me, and put me in your own bed? All while I was drunk?"

"That's right," Mercury said sweetly. "I didn't want you to get sick."

"I see," Aluminum said. "I owe you an apology. And I must also thank you for being so considerate."

"You're welcome," Mercury said sincerely.

Aluminum and Mercury looked at each other for a moment.

"...er, wait," Aluminum said slowly. "My dress should have dried out by now, right?"

"Probably," Mercury agreed.

"And it should be alright to wear again, yes?"

"I don't know for sure, but it might be by now."

"Then why can't you give it back to me?"

"Because it's not here, sweetie," Mercury said patiently.

"Oh, right," Aluminum said. "You already said that, didn't you? I'm sorry. I'm not at my best right now."

"It's alright," Mercury said. "It's a bit early in the day for me too."

Aluminum and Mercury looked at each other for another moment.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm still not following you," Aluminum admitted. "I think I remember everything that happened, and I'm grateful for what you've done for me, but why does it follow that my dress is not here?"

"Because I use a cleaning service," Mercury said, "and I put your dress out with Gold's gown and my own laundry to be cleaned, late last night, before I went to bed myself. They pick up early in the morning, and they should return it later this afternoon. I didn't want to leave your dresses to air-dry and stain, and I certainly didn't want to put them in the apartment complex clothes dryer. They both looked like they were delicate."

"I see," Aluminum said again. "In that case, I must thank you again. You've been extraordinarily kind."

"Please," Mercury said. "Think nothing of it."

Aluminum and Mercury looked at each other for yet a third moment.

"I'm afraid there's still one problem," Aluminum finally said.

"Oh?" a concerned Mercury asked. "And what is that?"

"I'M BUCK FREAKING NAKED!!" Aluminum yelled.

"Now I'm not following you," Mercury said. "Your being naked is a problem because?..."

"Could I PLEASE borrow something to WEAR?" Aluminum said with remarkable restraint, given her circumstances.

"Sure." Mercury walked to the far corner of the kitchen, retrieved her nightgown, walked back up to Aluminum and held it out to her.

"Could I PLEASE borrow something ELSE to wear?" Aluminum said. "Preferably something that YOU haven't worn against your OWN bare skin and CONTAMINATED with your WEIRDNESS!?"

"Oh," Mercury said. "Well, um... Let's see..."

"As quickly as possible, please," Aluminum added in a pained voice.

"Oh, I know just the thing!" Mercury set the nightgown on the kitchen counter, trotted over to a clothing hook near the far end of the counter, fetched a large frilly apron, walked back up to Aluminum and held it out to her.

"...you're serious," Aluminum said.

Mercury frowned. "I haven't worn it against my own bare skin. And it was right here in the kitchen, and so it was quicker to get than anything else I have. Was there some other requirement that I overlooked?"

Aluminum held her face in her hands and whimpered, and then snatched the apron away from Mercury and put it on. "This is probably the most that I can hope for. So, now what? I suppose I'm stuck here until my dress is returned."

"How about breakfast?" Mercury said. "Or rather, it'd be brunch by now, I guess."

"Mmm... actually, that would be nice," Aluminum said. "I'm rather hungry, myself."

Aluminum and Mercury looked at each other for an unprecedented fourth moment.

"Now WAIT just a MINUTE," Aluminum said. "Do you want ME to cook breakfast!?"

"I thought maybe it'd be nice to make breakfast together? And I'll help you if I can," Mercury said. "But you're a super-famous chef, and you ARE wearing an apron."

"SURE. WHY NOT. ALLOW ME." A grumbling Aluminum turned around, stomped up to Mercury's refrigerator, and opened it. But then, she slammed it shut again, spun round and stood with her naked back against it, as if she were trying to bar its door.

Mercury raised an eyebrow. "Problem?"

"So empty," Aluminum gasped, "and yet, SO much MOLD and MILDEW."

"Aw c'mon. It's not THAT bad. And what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger." Mercury shooed Aluminum aside and opened the fridge again. "I just bought eggs, so they're good. And I have cheese spread, and that stuff is forever. How about cheesy scrambled eggs on toast? And I have, like, a million different kinds of hot sauce."

"Well, alright," said Aluminum, "although you hardly need a chef for that. But you should keep your refrigerator clean, and buy more fresh food. You might be young now, but setting your nonsense about immortality aside, you shouldn't take your health for granted."

Mercury set down the eggs and cheese spread and looked Aluminum in the eye. "Aluminum? How old do you think I am?"

"Hm?... well, I turned twenty-eight recently, and you're obviously younger than me. Maybe twenty-five?"

"That's awfully sweet of you to say," Mercury said. "But I'm forty-seven."

Aluminum ground to a halt. "You're JOKING," she said in utter disbelief. "This MUST be one of your bizarre JOKES."

"If you don't believe me, you could ask Silver. You know Silver, right? Well, Silver is forty— and she doesn't look her age either— but I've known Silver since she was BORN."

"You look younger than ME," Aluminum said, "but you're old enough to be my MOTHER!?"

"Yep," said Mercury. "Still think my 'nonsense' about immortality is nonsense?"

Aluminum leaned back against the kitchen counter and clutched at its edge to steady herself. "I don't know WHAT to think anymore," she admitted.

Mercury walked up to Aluminum and held her face in an almost motherly manner. "Good," Mercury said. "That means I've just opened your mind to new possibilities. Try to keep an open mind, OK? And maybe, just MAYBE, you can end up looking like you're twenty-five when you're forty-seven too."

Aluminum was overwhelmed. She had never stopped to think that there might actually be a method to Mercury's madness. And yet, the proof was right before her eyes. "...alright," she said weakly.

"Cool. Let's break some eggs. And let's scramble the whole carton. Chloe will be coming over soon, and speaking of Silver, she might stop by to pick up Gold. I hope so, I haven't seen Silver in quite awhile."

"Alright." Aluminum cracked half of the eggs in a bowl and disposed of the shells. "Do you have something I can wipe my hands on?"

"Sure." Mercury picked up her nightgown from the kitchen counter and held it out to Aluminum again.

"OH FOR— WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP WITH THE NIGHTGOWN ALREADY!?" Aluminum angrily balled up the poor nightgown and threw it across the kitchen again.

As if on cue, Gold stepped into the kitchen doorway while talking on her phone. "...no rush, dah-ling. Yes, I just got up. And I believe Mercury is making breakfast, and she would love to see you—"

The balled-up nightgown struck Gold's forehead and unrolled over her face.

"...dah-ling?" Gold said from under the nightgown. "I have to go. Something just came up. See you in twenty. Ciao."

Gold reached up with her free hand, pulled the nightgown off, and looked at it with approval. "I used to have one just like this," she said to herself, "until Silver tore it off me in the throes of passion—"

"GOLDIE!!" Mercury stuffed the brick of cheese spread into Aluminum's face, darted across the kitchen, and glomped her other guest. "Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning, dah-ling." The underwear-clad Gold gave her host a more inhibited but still friendly hug. "I mostly slept well, yes. However, I must say that I found it difficult to relax, given the Evil Presence in the bed with me. Did Aluminum already leave?"

Mercury stood back and pointed at the naked-apron Aluminum in her kitchen.

A deeply disturbing smile came to Gold's face. She immediately whipped her phone back up and took a few pictures with its camera.

"Take all the pictures that you want," Aluminum said. "Unlike YOU, people will WANT to see embarrassing and risque pictures of ME!"

"Oh, PLEASE," Gold said dismissively. "MILLIONS of lonely people have 'used' my nudes, both real and faked, to fulfill their fantasies. But YOU? I suppose you MIGHT get the occasional fetish-art commission—"

"Girls! Girls!" Mercury said. "You're BOTH pretty!"

Ignoring Mercury, Aluminum grabbed the remaining uncracked eggs and took a step towards Gold. "Maybe YOU'D like to fulfill my fantasy of SMASHING THESE EGGS OVER YOUR HEAD!!"

Gold took a step towards Aluminum in turn. "Threatening violence is always the last resort of an INFERIOR INTELLIGENCE," she said smugly.

"And also, I was hoping to eat some of those for breakfast," Mercury added. "Or rather, it'd be brunch by now, I guess."

Aluminum set down the eggs, raised her hands in a martial-arts style, and took another step towards Gold. "Oh, it's not just a threat," Aluminum said. "And if you think my self-defense training is inferior, then you can sneer at me while I BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF YOU!!"

Gold took another step towards Aluminum. The two women were now facing each other. "All talk, no action..." Gold said. "...BITCH."

"TRY me," Aluminum snarled. "...WHORE."

Gold leaned towards Aluminum. "TRAMP."

Aluminum leaned towards Gold. "SLUT."

Gold failed to notice Mercury beside her. "PIG."

Aluminum also failed to notice Mercury. "HAG."

Mercury suddenly grabbed Gold and Aluminum's heads from behind and smooshed their faces together. "NOW KISS!!" she said with completely random childish enthusiasm.

Mercury had below-average strength, but she also had both surprise and leverage. A wide-eyed Gold and Aluminum struggled in her grasp (and their kiss) for several seconds before Mercury released them.

Gold and Aluminum stared at each other in sheer terror. And then, they both screamed in perfect unison. "EEEEEEEE!!"

"That was fun!" Mercury giggled. "Let's do it again!"

Gold and Aluminum turned to face Mercury in sheer terror, and screamed in perfect unison in her face. "EEEEEEEE!!"

And then, Mercury's doorbell rang. "EEEEEEEE!!" Mercury screamed back. "That'll be Chloe!!"

Chlorine walked into the kitchen, accepted the requisite glomping from Mercury, and then surveyed the other occupants with a 'Not Bad' face. "I'd ask how you managed to get a supermodel in her underwear, and a second supermodel to do naked-apron play for you," Chlorine said, "but I already know the answer is 'Because Mercury'. Mind if I join in?"

"Of course not, sweetie," Mercury said.

After setting her open wet umbrella in a corner of the kitchen's tile floor, Chlorine enthusiastically pulled off her clothing to reveal a stylish one-piece swimsuit with a scooped back and waist-level cutouts.

"You wear a swimsuit under your clothes?" Aluminum asked. "Are you still in grade school?"

A half-naked Chlorine gave the half-naked Mercury another hug. "I know that it mostly goes unnoticed when Mercury is in the room," she said proudly, "but I'm quite the lovable little fruit loop myself."

"DO get down with your deranged selves, dah-lings!" an approving Gold said with a thumbs-up.

"I hope Silver gets here soon," Aluminum said sadly. "It's so tiring being the only sane one here."

"If you're tired," Chlorine said cheerfully, "then why don't you let me make breakfast for all of us."

"Oh," Aluminum said. She had been reluctant to make breakfast, but now, she was reluctant to be relieved of duty. "Well, um..."

Chlorine gently pushed Aluminum towards the kitchen table. "I got this. I'm a cook too, you know. And I always do the cooking when it's just Mercury and me. Why don't you sit down and chat with your FRIENDS."

Mercury, Gold, and Aluminum all took seats at the small kitchen table. Gold and Aluminum sat on either side of Mercury, as far apart as possible without actually facing each other.

"Oh wow," Mercury said. "This is so awkward that even *I* feel uncomfortable. Why do you two dislike each other, anyway?"

"Well, I don't know, really," Aluminum admitted. "But she gets on my nerves with all that long wavy golden hair—"

"And HER short straight silver hair," Gold cut in.

Aluminum scowled. "And HER voluptuous curves—"

Gold scowled back. "And HER sleek athletic build—"

"And her OLD MONEY!—"

"And her NEW MONEY!—"

"So it's just a matter of opposites?" Mercury asked.

"I suppose so," Gold agreed. "I could not say exactly why I dislike her either... but some people simply cannot get along."

"Aw, don't say that." Mercury pulled both Gold and Aluminum towards herself and hugged them at the same time. "After all, we all just slept together!"

"Don't remind me," Aluminum grumbled. "I'm still hung over, and thinking about it makes my head swim."

"Dah-ling?" Gold asked Mercury. "Should you be talking like that in front of Chlorine? Nothing happened. We merely shared a bed."

Chlorine started some toast, and then smiled at Gold. "Thanks for thinking of me, Gold, but I don't mind. We don't exactly have an open relationship, but I know better than to expect any restraint from our Mercury."

"Actually, she expects plenty of 'restraint'," Mercury said with a twinkle in her eye. "In fact, she loves to tie me up in bed."

"Oh you!" Chlorine said with a sly smile. "Still, the next time you have a threesome with two supermodels, call me ahead of time so that I can join in. And I'll bring plenty of extra rope."

Aluminum turned slightly green. "Oh dear GOD. I think I'm going to be SICK."

Chlorine set a platter of scrambled eggs on the table, and then turned back to scramble the rest. "Dig in," she said. "You'll feel better with some protein in you. And watch out for the toast. You're sitting where I usually sit."

Aluminum turned to Mercury. "What does THAT mean?"

"I fitted the toaster with a turbo-booster," Mercury said. "Three... two... one... LIFT-OFF!!"

The toast popped up from the toaster and flew through the kitchen. Mercury caught one slice in one hand, and Aluminum caught the other in her face.

"This kitchen has quite a lot of airborne items," Gold noted, recalling Aluminum's discarded nightgown.

Chlorine put in two more slices, and then turned the toaster slightly. "Next slices coming at you, Gold."

"Thank you, Chlorine dah-ling. Pass the ketchup, Mercury dah-ling?"

"Sure thing. Actually, I'll trade you for the hot sauce."

Both Gold and Aluminum paused to watch Mercury cover her eggs in hot sauce. "Do you usually use hot sauce as if it were ketchup?" Aluminum said nervously.

"Yep." Mercury shoveled a forkful into her mouth. "Mmm... it BURNS. But it burns so GOOD."

"She IS a masochist, isn't she," Gold said, partly to herself and partly to Chlorine.

Aluminum pushed her glass of water towards Mercury. "Here. I might be hung over, but I think you need this more than I do."

The doorbell rang again. "Is that Silver?" asked Chlorine. "Perfect timing. The rest of the eggs are done."

Silver walked into the kitchen and set her umbrella next to Chlorine's umbrella. "Hello everybody," she said as she walked up to Gold and hugged her from behind. "'Come as you are', is it?—"

"SILVER!! TOAST!!" Mercury cried.

The second two slices popped up. Gold caught her slice between two hands. But, unlike Aluminum, Silver effortlessly caught the other slice in her mouth.

A thoroughly impressed Chlorine and Aluminum gave Silver a round of golf-claps. "When did you learn to do THAT!?" Aluminum asked.

The unexpectedly cool Silver answered around a bite of toast. "When you grow up around someone like 'Quicksilver'," she said, "you have to develop quick reflexes in order to survive."

Mercury got up to give her childhood friend another hug. "Poor Lead couldn't keep up with either of us, could she... Anyway, take off your clothes and have some breakfast with us. Or rather, it'd be brunch by now, I guess."

"Oh. Well, alright. Far be it from me to break dress code." Silver quickly stripped down to her underwear as well.

Aluminum was astounded to see the serious Silver act so. "I thought you were one of the few sane ones," she said.

"So says the woman doing naked-apron play," Silver said as she pulled up a fifth chair. "Pass the hot sauce, Mercury."

Mercury obliged her. "This is so much fun," she said happily. "We should all do something together after we finish brunch."

"I brought a change of clothes for Gold," said Silver, "but it's still raining steadily, and I believe it's supposed to rain all day."

"And I don't have any clothes at the moment," Aluminum said. "And I need a shower before I go out in public, but after seeing your refrigerator, I am NOT using your shower."

"OOH!" Mercury said excitedly. "I know! We could go for a walk in the rain!"

Chlorine agreed enthusiastically. "We could walk to the park. I've seen lots of people play in the fountains in a warm rain like this."

"If Gold is OK with that, I'll tag along," Silver said. "Oh, but I didn't bring swimsuits for Gold or myself."

"I have a spare one-piece that should fit you," Mercury said.

"And I have a spare here too," Chlorine said, "and it ought to fit Gold."

"What about me?" Aluminum asked.

"What ABOUT you?" Mercury asked, not unkindly. "You said that you wanted a shower."

"...uh oh," Aluminum said nervously. "I don't like where you're going with this."

"Well, we wouldn't force you to," Mercury said. "Right, everybody?"

"Wouldn't and couldn't," Chlorine agreed. "I'm a professional athlete, but if you're ex-military, I doubt I could take you. And Mercury is a Lover Not A Fighter, and no offense, but Gold and Silver are both obviously candy-asses."

"No offense taken, dah-ling," Gold agreed. "I am but a fragile flower."

"I have quick reflexes," Silver also agreed, "but I don't have much to back them up."

"But we'd hate to go without you," Mercury said. "And we could walk around you and keep you kinda hidden. Right, everybody?"

Aluminum felt her resistance fading. Even Gold was smiling at her. "...do I HAVE to go naked?" she asked in a small sad voice.

"We don't have a swimsuit for you," Mercury said, "but you do have two other choices."

"The first one?" Aluminum asked.

"You could go as you are in the apron."

"NOPE. The second one?"

Mercury got up, retrieved the nightgown that Gold had set aside, and held it out to Aluminum once again.

Aluminum stared at the nightgown, and then sighed. "Oh well. An arrest for indecent exposure wouldn't be any more humiliating than everything else that's happened to me."