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31_days2005-10-18 08:40 am
still-ciircee.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2005-10-18 08:40 am
[18-10-05] [Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles] Zen
Title: Zen
Day/Theme: 18th October 2005/ Tao
Series: TRC
Character/Pairing: Kurogane, Fai-->Fai/Kurogane
Rating: Pg? I don't know. There is Teh Boy Like in here.
Author's Note: You're all very lucky I didn't name this one 'Tao and Zen'.
Previous parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three Part Four. Because part two will take you to my journal, I will let you know that you don't have to read it to understand parts three or four or five, though there a some reference in five to an event and a type of event found in part two.
Kurogane watched Fai watching the baggage carousel at the airport. There was only one bag circling miserably but Fai hadn’t made a move to grab it. At least, he hadn’t tried in the ten minutes that Kurogane had been standing there.
Nerves jangled in his stomach as he approached. It seemed to take an inordinate amount of time for Fai to look up at him. Kurogane stared at him. “Jesus, you look like shit.”
“Thank you,” Fai blinked owlishly at him. “I’ve been awake since I spoke to you.”
He was tempted to ask; Fai’s flight had only been delayed by a few hours. He didn’t. Instead he grabbed Fai’s bag and jerked his head in the direction of the car park. “Come on.” He stalked off, angry at himself for being too chicken to ask a simple question. He’d flown thousands of miles to talk to Fai and the first chance he had, he clammed up.
“I like your car,” Fai said. He looked up from putting Fai’s suitcase into the back seat of the red mustang convertible. Fai had poured himself into the passenger seat and was beaming at him drowsily. “It’s very you.”
Kurogane looked away. Shrugged. “It’s a rental,” he said stupidly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Fai look down and he winced. “But it is pretty cool,” he said, making a fuss out of buckling his seatbelt and starting the car. Fai was silent and it made Kurogane nervous; the Fai he’d known so well had been an incurable chatterbox. “Readington hasn’t changed,” he said as casually as he could. “I mean, aside from this puddle-jumper airport, it looks exactly the same. Well, there are some housing developments, but they’re on the edge of town. Out by the radio tower. Not too close, though. I bet kids still use it as a make-out spot.” He coughed. He’d gone from silent to babbling. “Um, so, really, Readington is the same.” He chanced a look at Fai.
Fai blinked at him in slow-motion. “That’s nice.”
He turned on the radio in an effort to shut up and kept it on until he pulled into his parent’s parking stall at the apartment complex. “We’re here,” he said, because he had nothing else to say. He busied himself getting Fai’s bag out of the car and finding the right keys on his key ring and managed to make it to the security door before he noticed that Fai was still standing on the sidewalk, gazing at the building. He used the suitcase to keep the door open and went back. “Fai?”
“We’re at your house,” Fai said blankly.
Kurogane looked at the building. “Oh. Yeah, Mom and Dad still have the apartment. I’m just staying here while I’m here, you know?” He looked back at Fai. Fai had a look of muted, exhausted alarm. “They’re on vacation,” he quickly explained. “It’s why I picked Readington. There’s nobody here to witness the big gay reunion.” He could have bitten his tongue.
Fai apparently hadn’t noticed; he was still staring at the building with an arrested expression. “Do they still have the glass-topped coffee table of doom?” he asked and Kurogane noticed that he was swaying as he spoke.
“I think so. Want me to cover it up?”
“Just don’t break it.” He followed Fai into the building, pausing to pick up the bag that Fai nearly tripped over and only just made it into the elevator. “Sorry,” Fai muttered. “’m tired.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” He studied Fai as the elevator rose. “You can catch some sleep before…stuff. Mom turned my old room into the guest room. It’s all set up. You can take a nap.” Eventually, he reassured himself, he’d remember how to talk to Fai without being stone silent or hyper-verbal.
“Mmhm,” Fai mumbled. His eyes were closed and he was propped in the corner of the elevator. When it stopped, Kurogane watched in amusement as he lurched forward and made his way down the hall, eyes still closed.
It put a lump in his throat and butterflies in his stomach just the same, both of which increased as Fai stumbled into the right door and rested against it. “Out of the way,” he jangled his keys meaningfully. When he didn’t move, Kurogane put a hand on his hip and gently shoved him to the side. Fai’s eyes opened at the contact and Kurogane found his own eyes caught in the sleepy blue gaze as he pushed the door open.
“Whoa,” Fai muttered, tumbling through. He managed to catch himself before he fell and slid along the wall until he fell through the door of Kurogane’s old bedroom and out of sight.
Kurogane followed after him and stopped at the foot of the bed. “At least take your shoes off,” he sighed, not even sure if Fai was awake enough to move. “Mom will skin me if you wreck the sheets.” Fai made a deep humming noise, but a second later his shoes thumped to the floor. “Sleep tight,” he said as he left and headed for his parent’s living room.
He flopped onto the couch (still next to the glass-topped coffee table) and, after a moment, fell over, rolled, and pulled a pillow over his face. “Gah,” he told it.
It would be easier, he mused, if he knew what was coming. Fai obviously still wanted to be friends. He lifted his hand and stared at it from beneath the edge of the pillow. He was probably imaging things, but he felt as though he could still feel the warm imprint of Fai there. He’d used to touch Fai all the time, without even thinking about it.
Except…there had been times when he had thought about it. Times when he’d draped himself over the back of Fai’s chair or pulled Fai’s legs over his own when they’d sprawled out on the sofa to watch movies. Some late-night-Betty nights when he’d laid on the floor of his room with Fai, talking until Fai drifted off…and he’d stayed where he was, sharing Fai’s blankets for the night even though his bed was right there. Even way back when they'd been small, ninja-Kurogane had been the appointed protector of wizard-Fai...the only one who got to shove him around and tackle him in the name of keeping him safe. He had always made conscious efforts to be close to him. And when he’d been close enough, a warm glow had settled into his belly and tingled along his skin. It had never been too warm to want distance, always chill enough to steal a scarf or a sweater off of him.
He curled his fingers over his palm and sighed, dropping his hand, feeling his knuckles brush the pile of the carpet. As much as he wanted to be friends with Fai again, he wasn’t sure that he could be. And he wasn’t sure that Fai would let him be something else.
There had to be some way to do this, he thought. Some balance between the Fai-and-him of the past and the Fai-and-him of the present. There had to be some way to transcend the being and the not-being of their relationship, whatever it was or would be.
He fell asleep chasing the tao of himself and Fai and only surfaced when he heard footsteps. The toilet flushed and he woke completely. It was fully dark outside. He sat up and stretched then glared at his sleeve. “I drooled on myself. Classy.” He tugged the shirt off and tossed it over his shoulder, heading for his room to get a new shirt before two things registered.
One: Fai was the one making the noises that had woken him
and
Two: Fai was standing two feet in front of him, blocking the hall, staring at his naked chest.
Oh.
“Oh.”
“Um…” Fai agreed.
There had to be a way, Kurogane reminded himself. “So, I was going to…uh…” he gestured vaguely and watched Fai’s eyes follow the move, “change my shirt and then maybe make some dinner.”
Fai’s eyes darted up and met his own. A smile was playing kiss and chase with the dimple in his cheek. “Mmm,” he intoned solemnly “macaroni and cheese.” It was an old joke, dating back to the days before they’d begun to lose their Zen.
There was a way.
Kurogane reached out and pulled Fai into a hug. “You know me; I’m hell with a packet of powdered cheese.”
Day/Theme: 18th October 2005/ Tao
Series: TRC
Character/Pairing: Kurogane, Fai-->Fai/Kurogane
Rating: Pg? I don't know. There is Teh Boy Like in here.
Author's Note: You're all very lucky I didn't name this one 'Tao and Zen'.
Previous parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three Part Four. Because part two will take you to my journal, I will let you know that you don't have to read it to understand parts three or four or five, though there a some reference in five to an event and a type of event found in part two.
Kurogane watched Fai watching the baggage carousel at the airport. There was only one bag circling miserably but Fai hadn’t made a move to grab it. At least, he hadn’t tried in the ten minutes that Kurogane had been standing there.
Nerves jangled in his stomach as he approached. It seemed to take an inordinate amount of time for Fai to look up at him. Kurogane stared at him. “Jesus, you look like shit.”
“Thank you,” Fai blinked owlishly at him. “I’ve been awake since I spoke to you.”
He was tempted to ask; Fai’s flight had only been delayed by a few hours. He didn’t. Instead he grabbed Fai’s bag and jerked his head in the direction of the car park. “Come on.” He stalked off, angry at himself for being too chicken to ask a simple question. He’d flown thousands of miles to talk to Fai and the first chance he had, he clammed up.
“I like your car,” Fai said. He looked up from putting Fai’s suitcase into the back seat of the red mustang convertible. Fai had poured himself into the passenger seat and was beaming at him drowsily. “It’s very you.”
Kurogane looked away. Shrugged. “It’s a rental,” he said stupidly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Fai look down and he winced. “But it is pretty cool,” he said, making a fuss out of buckling his seatbelt and starting the car. Fai was silent and it made Kurogane nervous; the Fai he’d known so well had been an incurable chatterbox. “Readington hasn’t changed,” he said as casually as he could. “I mean, aside from this puddle-jumper airport, it looks exactly the same. Well, there are some housing developments, but they’re on the edge of town. Out by the radio tower. Not too close, though. I bet kids still use it as a make-out spot.” He coughed. He’d gone from silent to babbling. “Um, so, really, Readington is the same.” He chanced a look at Fai.
Fai blinked at him in slow-motion. “That’s nice.”
He turned on the radio in an effort to shut up and kept it on until he pulled into his parent’s parking stall at the apartment complex. “We’re here,” he said, because he had nothing else to say. He busied himself getting Fai’s bag out of the car and finding the right keys on his key ring and managed to make it to the security door before he noticed that Fai was still standing on the sidewalk, gazing at the building. He used the suitcase to keep the door open and went back. “Fai?”
“We’re at your house,” Fai said blankly.
Kurogane looked at the building. “Oh. Yeah, Mom and Dad still have the apartment. I’m just staying here while I’m here, you know?” He looked back at Fai. Fai had a look of muted, exhausted alarm. “They’re on vacation,” he quickly explained. “It’s why I picked Readington. There’s nobody here to witness the big gay reunion.” He could have bitten his tongue.
Fai apparently hadn’t noticed; he was still staring at the building with an arrested expression. “Do they still have the glass-topped coffee table of doom?” he asked and Kurogane noticed that he was swaying as he spoke.
“I think so. Want me to cover it up?”
“Just don’t break it.” He followed Fai into the building, pausing to pick up the bag that Fai nearly tripped over and only just made it into the elevator. “Sorry,” Fai muttered. “’m tired.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” He studied Fai as the elevator rose. “You can catch some sleep before…stuff. Mom turned my old room into the guest room. It’s all set up. You can take a nap.” Eventually, he reassured himself, he’d remember how to talk to Fai without being stone silent or hyper-verbal.
“Mmhm,” Fai mumbled. His eyes were closed and he was propped in the corner of the elevator. When it stopped, Kurogane watched in amusement as he lurched forward and made his way down the hall, eyes still closed.
It put a lump in his throat and butterflies in his stomach just the same, both of which increased as Fai stumbled into the right door and rested against it. “Out of the way,” he jangled his keys meaningfully. When he didn’t move, Kurogane put a hand on his hip and gently shoved him to the side. Fai’s eyes opened at the contact and Kurogane found his own eyes caught in the sleepy blue gaze as he pushed the door open.
“Whoa,” Fai muttered, tumbling through. He managed to catch himself before he fell and slid along the wall until he fell through the door of Kurogane’s old bedroom and out of sight.
Kurogane followed after him and stopped at the foot of the bed. “At least take your shoes off,” he sighed, not even sure if Fai was awake enough to move. “Mom will skin me if you wreck the sheets.” Fai made a deep humming noise, but a second later his shoes thumped to the floor. “Sleep tight,” he said as he left and headed for his parent’s living room.
He flopped onto the couch (still next to the glass-topped coffee table) and, after a moment, fell over, rolled, and pulled a pillow over his face. “Gah,” he told it.
It would be easier, he mused, if he knew what was coming. Fai obviously still wanted to be friends. He lifted his hand and stared at it from beneath the edge of the pillow. He was probably imaging things, but he felt as though he could still feel the warm imprint of Fai there. He’d used to touch Fai all the time, without even thinking about it.
Except…there had been times when he had thought about it. Times when he’d draped himself over the back of Fai’s chair or pulled Fai’s legs over his own when they’d sprawled out on the sofa to watch movies. Some late-night-Betty nights when he’d laid on the floor of his room with Fai, talking until Fai drifted off…and he’d stayed where he was, sharing Fai’s blankets for the night even though his bed was right there. Even way back when they'd been small, ninja-Kurogane had been the appointed protector of wizard-Fai...the only one who got to shove him around and tackle him in the name of keeping him safe. He had always made conscious efforts to be close to him. And when he’d been close enough, a warm glow had settled into his belly and tingled along his skin. It had never been too warm to want distance, always chill enough to steal a scarf or a sweater off of him.
He curled his fingers over his palm and sighed, dropping his hand, feeling his knuckles brush the pile of the carpet. As much as he wanted to be friends with Fai again, he wasn’t sure that he could be. And he wasn’t sure that Fai would let him be something else.
There had to be some way to do this, he thought. Some balance between the Fai-and-him of the past and the Fai-and-him of the present. There had to be some way to transcend the being and the not-being of their relationship, whatever it was or would be.
He fell asleep chasing the tao of himself and Fai and only surfaced when he heard footsteps. The toilet flushed and he woke completely. It was fully dark outside. He sat up and stretched then glared at his sleeve. “I drooled on myself. Classy.” He tugged the shirt off and tossed it over his shoulder, heading for his room to get a new shirt before two things registered.
One: Fai was the one making the noises that had woken him
and
Two: Fai was standing two feet in front of him, blocking the hall, staring at his naked chest.
Oh.
“Oh.”
“Um…” Fai agreed.
There had to be a way, Kurogane reminded himself. “So, I was going to…uh…” he gestured vaguely and watched Fai’s eyes follow the move, “change my shirt and then maybe make some dinner.”
Fai’s eyes darted up and met his own. A smile was playing kiss and chase with the dimple in his cheek. “Mmm,” he intoned solemnly “macaroni and cheese.” It was an old joke, dating back to the days before they’d begun to lose their Zen.
There was a way.
Kurogane reached out and pulled Fai into a hug. “You know me; I’m hell with a packet of powdered cheese.”