31_days | [April 8] [Gokusen] Dream Deferred

Title: Dream Deferred
Day/Theme: "much more than my pride."
Series: Gokusen
Character/Pairing: Sawatari Goro
Rating: G

:::

Sawatari Goro loved being a teacher.

Actually, he loved teaching.

He loved opening the world for his students; to make known the unknown; to bring sense to the confusion.

More than that, he loved seeing his students take those lessons and become more; to see them build upon the foundation he had helped create.

He loved knowing that somehow, his words had reached them and inspired them to become someone they hadn't thought possible.

He doesn't remember the last time he felt that sense of fulfillment.

He didn't know when he started to lose the spark that once drove him. When the love became a weary acceptance that some days, left a bitter aftertaste. When looking at a student, he no longer saw endless possibilities but a lost cause not worth the effort.

He supposed it happened over time, with the disappointments staking up until they began to outweigh the successes.

Sometimes, he hated his job.

Or he did, until Yamaguchi Kumiko.

In many ways, he is thankful for Yamaguchi-sensei. Her enthusiasm and resilience reminds him of better times, of those first few years when Goro was determined to do his very best despite his students' stubbornness.

Mostly, he is thankful that unlike Goro, Yamaguchi has the strength to weather any storm. Goro is honest enough to admit that, were their positions were reversed, he would have caved. And in a way, he did cave to the pressure; gave up before everything was said and done.

Though it was painful to admit, and he would never say it out loud, Yamaguchi was the better teacher.

He knows Yamaguchi Kumiko would strive to reach her students no matter how many disappointments she encounters, because what drives her is stronger than what drove him to teach.

And that's okay.

Because one's drive isn't set in stone. It can change and Goro's drive has changed; is changing slowly.

One day, he knows, things will be different. He will be different.

In the mean time, Goro has Yamaguchi Kumiko to reach out to those students and ensure they are nudged, (or thrown bodily), onto the right path again.

Now, if only he can find someone to help him find that foreign school...