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31_days2014-03-25 08:33 pm
bane-6.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2014-03-25 08:33 pm
[March 25] [Pacific Rim] Not What I Was Going to Say
Title:Not What I Was Going to Say
Day/Theme: 25. "for both our sakes" is hiding her face and crying
Series: Pacific Rim
Character/Pairing: Hermann Gottlieb/Newt Geiszler
Rating: Some swearing and a lot of yelling and jumping to conclusions and hurting each others feelings.
It hadn't taken long for the hero worship to fade out as people got back to work on their lives. Hermann was relieved to have the attention move on. He had work to get back to also. Newt took it a little harder, but he had always battled for the most attention, and that was nothing new. The trouble with taking all the credit, was that you were the only one in sight when the blame came around.
Newt had been eager to tell exactly what he had done and how he had done it. He had probably set the neural science world ahead twenty years, to say nothing of the possibility of being able to access another dimension. But then someone had questioned the timeline. Cherno Alpha and Crimson Typhoon had never failed before, but less than 24 hours after someone who knew the jaegers and their weaknesses had touched minds with the kaiju, two monsters who might as well have been tailor made to take them down emerged.
It was ridiculous, of course. There simply hadn't been time, based on what Hermann himself had seen of the Anteverse, to create those monstrosities specifically to fight those jaegers. More likely they had been a long time coming. And they had fit his predictive model, so it wasn't completely one-sided. Newt had been crushed to have fallen from grace so brutally, especially when it was wrong and he wasn't. He fought back, but the only thing multitudes turned on quicker than a savior was a traitor.
Hermann had known Newt was upset. He had felt it churning in his own stomach and burning in his own veins. The secondhand hurt and the anger and the indignation had been driving him crazy for days, but it didn't really alarm him until some self-loathing twinges made him wonder if Newt was actually starting to believe it.
"You can't really blame yourself," Hermann said. It was too condescending, too smug, as if he knew better. He realized that as soon as he said it, but it wasn't the worst thing he had ever said, and he trusted that Newt would know what he meant. The sudden blaze of fierce, conflicting emotions that answered that nearly knocked him down.
"How about if I blame YOU??" Newt shrieked back. "Maybe if you had been there, had done it with me first, we could've found enough, in time, to save all of them!" Hermann was gasping like a fish. He could barely breathe around the wrath and the grief and the panicked need to make this right, or at least not be wrong. "if you had trusted me!" Newt was ranting, not even looking at him anymore. "If you had just believed me…"
It was clearly irrational and he probably needed to be told off and comforted, and Hermann could tell that Newt probably knew that, but had latched onto the old default anger and self-righteousness. Hermann could barely stand it before when he wasn't privy to every emotion involved. As it was, he had to put some distance between them. He couldn't be the voice of reason with all that hammering away at him. He was out of practice with his cold and hard mantra, but he managed to throw up enough of a wall between him that he could pull himself upright and inhale.
Newt felt the resistance and of course, he took it as a rejection. He was screaming again, this time with tears streaming down his face.
"Stop acting like you always hated me! You always act like you always hated me and I know you didn't, I know you don't! Just stop it!!" He turned and made as if to lunge toward Hermann and then lurched to a stop, eyes going wide as he realized how bad Hermann actually looked. Hermann was shaking from the onslaught, barely holding himself up. He was paler than usual and the veins in that one eye had burst, staining it even more red.
"It's always someone else's fault," Hermann said, with all the self control he could muster. The effort was obvious, even to Newt, whose face crumpled again. "It might as well be mine."
"Stop acting like the problem is ME!" Newt shrilled again, but there were more tears and he was trying so hard to be angry so he wouldn't go to pieces that Hermann had to grit his teeth and refuse to be pulled apart with him.
"Newton!" he hissed. "I really think it would be for the best-" He sucked in another breath to keep his own tears back. "For both our sakes-" That was as far as he got before Newt exploded. Hermann's wall crumbled.
"Oh SURE! Why fucking NOT? It was never going to work, we were never going to MAKE it. What? You and me and happily ever after? Not LIKELY. Can I be the asshole here and insist that YOU have to move out since I don't know, my name's first on the lease or, or no. You know what? Watching you try to limp around with a cane AND a box of sweater vests is more pathetic than funny. So I'll go. I'll just go and you'll never have to see or smell or HEAR any of-"
That's when Hermann staggered and barely made the nearest trash can before vomiting his guts out and Newt finally stopped. Hermann shuddered and sobbed and retched and then used the wall to claw back up to standing. If he had looked bad before, he looked like Death warmed over now. He was shellshocked and devastated and Newt was finally realizing it.
"That's what you were saying though," he tried to insist. "Wasn't it? Hermann?"
Hermann couldn't see through his own tears now. He wasn't sure where his cane had fallen. He couldn't breathe or speak and all he could think of was escape. He started for the door, still clinging to the wall. He couldn't take this. He couldn't process. Everything hurt and blurred and he had to get away from it.
"Oh my God," Newt said. He grabbed two handfuls of his own hair. "Oh my God, Hermann. You weren't- That's not- What were you going to say?" HIs voice was lost and dazed now. "Oh shit, Hermann. Hermann, wait!" He tried to scramble after, but Hermann had thrown himself bodily into the elevator and pushed the button with all the strength he had left. The door slid shut, leaving Newt looking at his own stunned and heartbroken reflection.
Day/Theme: 25. "for both our sakes" is hiding her face and crying
Series: Pacific Rim
Character/Pairing: Hermann Gottlieb/Newt Geiszler
Rating: Some swearing and a lot of yelling and jumping to conclusions and hurting each others feelings.
It hadn't taken long for the hero worship to fade out as people got back to work on their lives. Hermann was relieved to have the attention move on. He had work to get back to also. Newt took it a little harder, but he had always battled for the most attention, and that was nothing new. The trouble with taking all the credit, was that you were the only one in sight when the blame came around.
Newt had been eager to tell exactly what he had done and how he had done it. He had probably set the neural science world ahead twenty years, to say nothing of the possibility of being able to access another dimension. But then someone had questioned the timeline. Cherno Alpha and Crimson Typhoon had never failed before, but less than 24 hours after someone who knew the jaegers and their weaknesses had touched minds with the kaiju, two monsters who might as well have been tailor made to take them down emerged.
It was ridiculous, of course. There simply hadn't been time, based on what Hermann himself had seen of the Anteverse, to create those monstrosities specifically to fight those jaegers. More likely they had been a long time coming. And they had fit his predictive model, so it wasn't completely one-sided. Newt had been crushed to have fallen from grace so brutally, especially when it was wrong and he wasn't. He fought back, but the only thing multitudes turned on quicker than a savior was a traitor.
Hermann had known Newt was upset. He had felt it churning in his own stomach and burning in his own veins. The secondhand hurt and the anger and the indignation had been driving him crazy for days, but it didn't really alarm him until some self-loathing twinges made him wonder if Newt was actually starting to believe it.
"You can't really blame yourself," Hermann said. It was too condescending, too smug, as if he knew better. He realized that as soon as he said it, but it wasn't the worst thing he had ever said, and he trusted that Newt would know what he meant. The sudden blaze of fierce, conflicting emotions that answered that nearly knocked him down.
"How about if I blame YOU??" Newt shrieked back. "Maybe if you had been there, had done it with me first, we could've found enough, in time, to save all of them!" Hermann was gasping like a fish. He could barely breathe around the wrath and the grief and the panicked need to make this right, or at least not be wrong. "if you had trusted me!" Newt was ranting, not even looking at him anymore. "If you had just believed me…"
It was clearly irrational and he probably needed to be told off and comforted, and Hermann could tell that Newt probably knew that, but had latched onto the old default anger and self-righteousness. Hermann could barely stand it before when he wasn't privy to every emotion involved. As it was, he had to put some distance between them. He couldn't be the voice of reason with all that hammering away at him. He was out of practice with his cold and hard mantra, but he managed to throw up enough of a wall between him that he could pull himself upright and inhale.
Newt felt the resistance and of course, he took it as a rejection. He was screaming again, this time with tears streaming down his face.
"Stop acting like you always hated me! You always act like you always hated me and I know you didn't, I know you don't! Just stop it!!" He turned and made as if to lunge toward Hermann and then lurched to a stop, eyes going wide as he realized how bad Hermann actually looked. Hermann was shaking from the onslaught, barely holding himself up. He was paler than usual and the veins in that one eye had burst, staining it even more red.
"It's always someone else's fault," Hermann said, with all the self control he could muster. The effort was obvious, even to Newt, whose face crumpled again. "It might as well be mine."
"Stop acting like the problem is ME!" Newt shrilled again, but there were more tears and he was trying so hard to be angry so he wouldn't go to pieces that Hermann had to grit his teeth and refuse to be pulled apart with him.
"Newton!" he hissed. "I really think it would be for the best-" He sucked in another breath to keep his own tears back. "For both our sakes-" That was as far as he got before Newt exploded. Hermann's wall crumbled.
"Oh SURE! Why fucking NOT? It was never going to work, we were never going to MAKE it. What? You and me and happily ever after? Not LIKELY. Can I be the asshole here and insist that YOU have to move out since I don't know, my name's first on the lease or, or no. You know what? Watching you try to limp around with a cane AND a box of sweater vests is more pathetic than funny. So I'll go. I'll just go and you'll never have to see or smell or HEAR any of-"
That's when Hermann staggered and barely made the nearest trash can before vomiting his guts out and Newt finally stopped. Hermann shuddered and sobbed and retched and then used the wall to claw back up to standing. If he had looked bad before, he looked like Death warmed over now. He was shellshocked and devastated and Newt was finally realizing it.
"That's what you were saying though," he tried to insist. "Wasn't it? Hermann?"
Hermann couldn't see through his own tears now. He wasn't sure where his cane had fallen. He couldn't breathe or speak and all he could think of was escape. He started for the door, still clinging to the wall. He couldn't take this. He couldn't process. Everything hurt and blurred and he had to get away from it.
"Oh my God," Newt said. He grabbed two handfuls of his own hair. "Oh my God, Hermann. You weren't- That's not- What were you going to say?" HIs voice was lost and dazed now. "Oh shit, Hermann. Hermann, wait!" He tried to scramble after, but Hermann had thrown himself bodily into the elevator and pushed the button with all the strength he had left. The door slid shut, leaving Newt looking at his own stunned and heartbroken reflection.