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31_days2013-01-24 04:03 am
linachu.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2013-01-24 04:03 am
[Jan 24] [Original Fiction; Untitled] A Not-So-Modest Proposal
Title: A Not-So-Modest Proposal.
Day/Theme: 24; That was embarrassing, so I’m not saying it again.
Series: Original Fiction. Currently part of an untitled series.
Character/Pairing: Cielo/Jacen.
Rating: PG-13. A bit of heavy cursing, and references to incest/sexual abuse/alcoholism.
Jacen thinks because he’s my best friend and shit that I’m giving up cigarettes. He rolls my eyes the moment I light one up and stick it between my lips. Breathing it in is like heaven, and his face contorts to an expression of disgust as I exhale and the wisps of smoke hit him right in the face.
“You’re not even fucking eighteen yet,” he snaps. Jacen wrinkles his nose at the scent and scoots away to the opposite side of the bench. He’s a little dramatic sometimes. “How do you even get those, Cielo?”
“Old men like little girls,” I say with a ghost of a smile. It’s true though. At least in my experience. There’s plenty of things I’m keeping from him. I’m too ashamed to tell him, too much of a pussy. It’s better not saying it. I guess it makes it less real, but he catches on sometimes. Sometimes he asks too many questions. Since mom killed herself by with a noose, things have changed. Everything’s changed.
I’ve changed. Dad’s changed. Jacen’s noticed it too. He’s seen the empty bottles of liquor lined up like kitchen décor. He’s seen the ones in the trash and he wonders if he’s ever been violent with me. Of course, I tell him no. Jacen’s too overprotective for his own good. Too much of a brother figure. He’s the type to do something fucking stupid and there is no way in hell I’m prepared for him to get over his head.
So I just tell him dad gets thirsty.
But really, I’m able to get cigarettes at fucking seventeen because the men behind the counters think it’s a way of getting into my pants. I know one and he flirts with me a lot. I flirt back with him sometimes, and he knows I’m way out of his fucking league. But he indulges me and gives me a pack. We’ve got an understanding.
After I finish smoking, Jacen walks me home and both of us are quietly relieved when we notice the driveway’s empty. Dad might have actually gone to work today. I don’t even fucking know these days. My house used to be pretty though. The lawn used to be kept and there used to be lawn gnomes and faeries and flowers. And then once mom died, it all went to shit like everything else did.
I try not to miss it too much, until I see a decapitated lawn gnome. Poor thing.
We go inside and it’s a mess, but we’re used to it by now. When I was younger I tried my best to upkeep the house. Mop my dad’s vomit; sweep up the shards of shattered glass. And then when he started making his late night visits to my bedroom and shit got, you know, weird, I said fuck that.
My room’s still nice though. Sticky glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, and all my furniture matches with style and color. Years ago my mom decorated my room with paper lanterns and old Christmas lights. I never had the heart to take them down. It’s always made my room look fucking sweet and it was nice thing to remember her by.
Dad’s schedule is often sporadic and random and I honestly don’t know what time he would get back home. Jacen is used to this kind of thing, though, and has escaped through my window more than once. Dad doesn’t particularly like company over without his permission. Especially the male type. Which is a major fucking problem because Jacen’s been my best friend since grade school, but whatever.
He sits in bed with me and we chat about our day. Gossip and the likes, girls and boys. Jacen’s at the age where his boner is constantly raging and he’s often rejected. He’s not a bad looker by any means; tall, caramel skin, and black hair slicked back to a messy ponytail. His obsession with attracting the opposite sex has led him to countless days at the gym and his muscle has developed well.
His issue is that he’s smart, and he’s an asshole about it. No one likes a cocky dickhead. Maybe me, but I like to think I do a very good job in deflating his ego. That’s what I’m here for.
“Well, if you’re so goddamn horny, why don’t we fuck?” I tell him casually, picking at my chipped nail polish.
My proposal shocks him. His brown eyes went wide and he sits up straight, staring at me as if I suddenly grew four heads. He waits for me to laugh and tell him I’m fucking with him, but I’m serious. I have a vagina. He’s got a dick. Why not?
“What the fuck? Are you serious? You’re—you’re joking. Right? Right, Cielo?”
I don’t exactly understand the big deal. His reaction makes my cheeks red, I’m sure, and I grab a stuffed animal to slap him with. We were friends. The best. And sometimes friends had a little arrangement with no strings attached. Recreational, unemotional, sex. Sex to get you satisfied. I’m not looking for anything and I sure as hell am not looking for anything serious with Jacen. A girl’s got her needs too, and after awhile the hand just stopped satisfying.
“If you’re going to be a jackass about it, never mind I said anything.”
“Aren’t you…you know,” he starts, glancing around the room as if he’s scared someone’s eavesdropping on us. Then, he whispers. “A virgin?”
I try not to laugh. “That card’s been swiped, dude.”
My announcement shocks him further. Fair enough, because that’s something I should have told him already. It’s another secret I hide from him; a secret I don’t even know how to tell. Because deep down, what I had done has me ashamed more than anything else in this world and the memory of what I have succumbed to is something I prefer to keep locked the fuck away.
His curiosity gets the best of him. We both shift on the bed; he gets closer, and I adjust awkwardly. “Alright, you bitch. With who? What kind of best friend are you? Do I know him? Do I have to kill him?”
There it is. That wave of overbearing protectiveness. I roll my eyes and shove his invasive face away. “Calm the fuck down. You have a little sister already and it’s not me. And really, it’s some guy I got wasted with and it was all kind of a blur. Anyway, not a big deal.” His eyes narrow into a glare. Jacen seems unsure whether to believe me or not. He’s got that look that says he smells a bit of bullshit. I continue to move on with the subject. “What I’m proposing is casual sex. No strings. We do the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, shake hands afterwards, and move on as if nothing happened.”
Jacen observes me skeptically for several moments. My eyebrow rises as I wait for a response. He’s thinking it over. It’s definitely an odd line we would be crossing. I’m so terribly fucking jaded that my give-a-damn is broken. I have tasted sex and I want more. There are a few guys willing but right now, it’s better to do it with someone I trust. It’s high school and slut-shamming gets vicious. It’s a type of drama I don’t want to deal with.
“You’re sure about this?” he asks.
“I am. Are you?”
“Well, it’s kind of an odd fucking request to suddenly spring up on me, but I always knew you thought I was sexy,” he replies with a wink and the most arrogant smirk I’ve ever seen on him.
Still, there’s a clear sense of hesitance and both of continue to sit in my bed in some awkward silence. If we are going to do this, he says he doesn’t want to do it here. Not now. He feels a little weird about it and if we’re going to fuck, he would have it come naturally and…unexpected. And he was uncomfortable having his way with me when at any moment my dad’s car can be heard in the driveway. That would be a most awkward moment to interrupt.
All that is fine with me.
“Please don’t be a stranger to me,” Jacen begs after it has all been discussed. He doesn’t like that I kept something as ‘important’ as my loss of virginity to him. A voice inside of me is screaming to let him know what I had done and why I had done it. How desperate I am to want someone else’s touch and not my own disgusting father’s. Every time I try, my mouth gets uncomfortable dry and my throat tightens like I can’t breathe. It’s physically impossible for me to talk. To confess and spill the beans. I’m forced to be silent. “Please? Because really, I’d like to meet the fucker who got into your pants. You’re kind of a scary bitch.”
I choke out a laugh and force a grin at his bizarre way of complimenting me. To him I’m probably just getting into that hormonal age of fornication and fucking partying.
I just don’t know how to tell my best friend that I was in trouble. That I was knee-deep in so much shit and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I didn’t know how to say I needed help.
Day/Theme: 24; That was embarrassing, so I’m not saying it again.
Series: Original Fiction. Currently part of an untitled series.
Character/Pairing: Cielo/Jacen.
Rating: PG-13. A bit of heavy cursing, and references to incest/sexual abuse/alcoholism.
Jacen thinks because he’s my best friend and shit that I’m giving up cigarettes. He rolls my eyes the moment I light one up and stick it between my lips. Breathing it in is like heaven, and his face contorts to an expression of disgust as I exhale and the wisps of smoke hit him right in the face.
“You’re not even fucking eighteen yet,” he snaps. Jacen wrinkles his nose at the scent and scoots away to the opposite side of the bench. He’s a little dramatic sometimes. “How do you even get those, Cielo?”
“Old men like little girls,” I say with a ghost of a smile. It’s true though. At least in my experience. There’s plenty of things I’m keeping from him. I’m too ashamed to tell him, too much of a pussy. It’s better not saying it. I guess it makes it less real, but he catches on sometimes. Sometimes he asks too many questions. Since mom killed herself by with a noose, things have changed. Everything’s changed.
I’ve changed. Dad’s changed. Jacen’s noticed it too. He’s seen the empty bottles of liquor lined up like kitchen décor. He’s seen the ones in the trash and he wonders if he’s ever been violent with me. Of course, I tell him no. Jacen’s too overprotective for his own good. Too much of a brother figure. He’s the type to do something fucking stupid and there is no way in hell I’m prepared for him to get over his head.
So I just tell him dad gets thirsty.
But really, I’m able to get cigarettes at fucking seventeen because the men behind the counters think it’s a way of getting into my pants. I know one and he flirts with me a lot. I flirt back with him sometimes, and he knows I’m way out of his fucking league. But he indulges me and gives me a pack. We’ve got an understanding.
After I finish smoking, Jacen walks me home and both of us are quietly relieved when we notice the driveway’s empty. Dad might have actually gone to work today. I don’t even fucking know these days. My house used to be pretty though. The lawn used to be kept and there used to be lawn gnomes and faeries and flowers. And then once mom died, it all went to shit like everything else did.
I try not to miss it too much, until I see a decapitated lawn gnome. Poor thing.
We go inside and it’s a mess, but we’re used to it by now. When I was younger I tried my best to upkeep the house. Mop my dad’s vomit; sweep up the shards of shattered glass. And then when he started making his late night visits to my bedroom and shit got, you know, weird, I said fuck that.
My room’s still nice though. Sticky glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, and all my furniture matches with style and color. Years ago my mom decorated my room with paper lanterns and old Christmas lights. I never had the heart to take them down. It’s always made my room look fucking sweet and it was nice thing to remember her by.
Dad’s schedule is often sporadic and random and I honestly don’t know what time he would get back home. Jacen is used to this kind of thing, though, and has escaped through my window more than once. Dad doesn’t particularly like company over without his permission. Especially the male type. Which is a major fucking problem because Jacen’s been my best friend since grade school, but whatever.
He sits in bed with me and we chat about our day. Gossip and the likes, girls and boys. Jacen’s at the age where his boner is constantly raging and he’s often rejected. He’s not a bad looker by any means; tall, caramel skin, and black hair slicked back to a messy ponytail. His obsession with attracting the opposite sex has led him to countless days at the gym and his muscle has developed well.
His issue is that he’s smart, and he’s an asshole about it. No one likes a cocky dickhead. Maybe me, but I like to think I do a very good job in deflating his ego. That’s what I’m here for.
“Well, if you’re so goddamn horny, why don’t we fuck?” I tell him casually, picking at my chipped nail polish.
My proposal shocks him. His brown eyes went wide and he sits up straight, staring at me as if I suddenly grew four heads. He waits for me to laugh and tell him I’m fucking with him, but I’m serious. I have a vagina. He’s got a dick. Why not?
“What the fuck? Are you serious? You’re—you’re joking. Right? Right, Cielo?”
I don’t exactly understand the big deal. His reaction makes my cheeks red, I’m sure, and I grab a stuffed animal to slap him with. We were friends. The best. And sometimes friends had a little arrangement with no strings attached. Recreational, unemotional, sex. Sex to get you satisfied. I’m not looking for anything and I sure as hell am not looking for anything serious with Jacen. A girl’s got her needs too, and after awhile the hand just stopped satisfying.
“If you’re going to be a jackass about it, never mind I said anything.”
“Aren’t you…you know,” he starts, glancing around the room as if he’s scared someone’s eavesdropping on us. Then, he whispers. “A virgin?”
I try not to laugh. “That card’s been swiped, dude.”
My announcement shocks him further. Fair enough, because that’s something I should have told him already. It’s another secret I hide from him; a secret I don’t even know how to tell. Because deep down, what I had done has me ashamed more than anything else in this world and the memory of what I have succumbed to is something I prefer to keep locked the fuck away.
His curiosity gets the best of him. We both shift on the bed; he gets closer, and I adjust awkwardly. “Alright, you bitch. With who? What kind of best friend are you? Do I know him? Do I have to kill him?”
There it is. That wave of overbearing protectiveness. I roll my eyes and shove his invasive face away. “Calm the fuck down. You have a little sister already and it’s not me. And really, it’s some guy I got wasted with and it was all kind of a blur. Anyway, not a big deal.” His eyes narrow into a glare. Jacen seems unsure whether to believe me or not. He’s got that look that says he smells a bit of bullshit. I continue to move on with the subject. “What I’m proposing is casual sex. No strings. We do the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, shake hands afterwards, and move on as if nothing happened.”
Jacen observes me skeptically for several moments. My eyebrow rises as I wait for a response. He’s thinking it over. It’s definitely an odd line we would be crossing. I’m so terribly fucking jaded that my give-a-damn is broken. I have tasted sex and I want more. There are a few guys willing but right now, it’s better to do it with someone I trust. It’s high school and slut-shamming gets vicious. It’s a type of drama I don’t want to deal with.
“You’re sure about this?” he asks.
“I am. Are you?”
“Well, it’s kind of an odd fucking request to suddenly spring up on me, but I always knew you thought I was sexy,” he replies with a wink and the most arrogant smirk I’ve ever seen on him.
Still, there’s a clear sense of hesitance and both of continue to sit in my bed in some awkward silence. If we are going to do this, he says he doesn’t want to do it here. Not now. He feels a little weird about it and if we’re going to fuck, he would have it come naturally and…unexpected. And he was uncomfortable having his way with me when at any moment my dad’s car can be heard in the driveway. That would be a most awkward moment to interrupt.
All that is fine with me.
“Please don’t be a stranger to me,” Jacen begs after it has all been discussed. He doesn’t like that I kept something as ‘important’ as my loss of virginity to him. A voice inside of me is screaming to let him know what I had done and why I had done it. How desperate I am to want someone else’s touch and not my own disgusting father’s. Every time I try, my mouth gets uncomfortable dry and my throat tightens like I can’t breathe. It’s physically impossible for me to talk. To confess and spill the beans. I’m forced to be silent. “Please? Because really, I’d like to meet the fucker who got into your pants. You’re kind of a scary bitch.”
I choke out a laugh and force a grin at his bizarre way of complimenting me. To him I’m probably just getting into that hormonal age of fornication and fucking partying.
I just don’t know how to tell my best friend that I was in trouble. That I was knee-deep in so much shit and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I didn’t know how to say I needed help.