[7 December] [Switched at Birth] Step Nine

[mierke.livejournal.com]

Title: Step Nine
Day/Theme: December 7 - I'm already dead to you but I'm inclined to explain
Series: Switched at Birth
Character/Pairing: Simone, Bay
Rating: G

Dear Bay,

If I would tell you how sorry I am, over and over again, would that help?

Scratch that. I know nothing I can do will ever make this right again. I know I’ve destroyed our friendship with every act I have done, much more and for a much longer time than just the fact that I slept with your boyfriend. I know you’ve hated me for a long time, now, and I know that’s probably never going to change.

I was lonely, Bay. Desperate for someone in my life, for something in my life, for anything that could make me feel… anything. After I lost you – chased you away, is more like it – things got even worse. I turned to alcohol.

I don’t know what came over me at the basketball game, I don’t know how I could be so out of it that I hurt the only people in my life I still care about, worse even, the only person in my life who cared about me.

I was drunk when I slept with Emmett.

I know this is not an excuse. I know I’m still responsible for the consequences of my actions. Regina has taken me with her to AA meetings, introduced me to the twelve steps, tried to make me see what I had done.

I have hurt you. I know I have and I want to say I’m sorry, I want to apologize; I’m not even sure I deserve your forgiveness, not even sure whether I have earned the right to ask you for it. I know I have done you wrong, but I am not ready for this next step.

I wonder if you’ll ever talk to me again.

Love,
Simone