[October 29th] [Perry Mason] Do the Words I Say Ever Make It Through?, 10

[insaneladybug.livejournal.com]

Title: Do the Words I Say Ever Make It Through?, part 10
Day/Theme: October 29th - To Say Goodbye Forever
Series: Perry Mason
Character/Pairing: Lieutenant Anderson, Lieutenant Tragg, Erna Norden, Officer James Anderson
Rating: T/PG-13

Cross-posted to octoberwriting.

This piece concludes this set. What a wild ride it's been, too. I was wondering if I should have an epilogue type piece, and yet this thing seems like it's done.


By Lucky_Ladybug

He was almost gone now.

At least, he could scarcely imagine there was much more to go after this. He was lying on his back on Jimmy’s floor, gazing up at the ceiling as it faded in and out of his focus.

It was October 30th, just approaching the midnight hour. Somehow he had fought and struggled and managed to live that long. But he had not been rescued. There was nothing his loved ones could do, although they had fought and struggled with all their might.

“Well, Lieutenant Anderson, I see you clawed valiantly, as the tiger you are.”

The words swam in and out, far away to his ears. But it was not due to the physical distance that separated him from the stranger. He knew that as soon as he opened his mouth to reply.

“I failed.”

His own voice sounded far away too, detached, as it were, from his body.

“Yes, you failed. Not that your friends didn’t put up a wonderful fight. They’re still trying to save you now, in fact. You heard what your cousin said on the phone, didn’t you?”

“Who?”

The mad cackle pierced him. “You don’t even remember. Not only your senses, but your memories are fading in and out. This is splendid.”

He tried to talk, but could only succeed in getting out a couple more words. “Cousin? Phone?”

“Ah yes. He was talking to that dancer, Mignon Germaine. She told him she had a friend who suspected that you were trapped between two planes. But he had no idea how to fix it. The best you can hope for is that they’ll find you before you’re completely gone. Then again, it will just be as though you’re looking up at strangers, won’t it?”

A shudder ran down Andy’s spine. He could look at someone one minute and know them, but have forgotten it in the next. He had wondered long ago if he dare get up, fearing that he would not remember where to go or how to get back here. And now he could not get up even if he wanted to. He was too weak. He could not even seem to make his body remember how to get up.

“You’ve done it,” he rasped. “Whatever you wanted to do, to me or to my loved ones, you’ve done it.”

“Not until you’ve completely faded, I won’t. But that won’t take long. And then you won’t rest in peace, Lieutenant Anderson. No, I daresay you’ll rest in pieces!”

The cackling came again. Andy wanted to bring his hands up and press hard against his ears. Even far away, that sound was too close.

But he could not move even that much.

A despondent tear slipped from his eye. “Dear God, why?” he whispered. “Why was this allowed to happen to me? How can this be allowed to happen to me? What have I done? What did I do that was so horrible . . .”

He trailed off, his voice catching in his throat. He did not really believe he was being punished. And yet, he could not deny that he certainly felt as though he were.

“I can’t remember any of the people I love. I can’t move. The rest of my life energy is fading. I feel like I . . . I’m being assimilated into this . . . this force!

“God, please, just take me. Don’t let me suffer this fate. Please . . . !”

The sound of the door flying open would have made him jump, if he could have jumped. “Maybe he’s here!” a youthful voice cried.

“Oh, Jimmy, you’ve already looked!” an older, accented voice exclaimed sadly. “You looked before you came to find us.”

“He could have come back,” the one called Jimmy answered. “Andy!” He ran madly through the apartment. “Andy, where are you?! Are you here?! Come on, try to communicate with us again!”

Andy watched him through his fading vision. He was a nice kid. They would have been good friends, in another time and place.

“Good Heavens!”

Another older voice, this one a man, burst out in shock. Jimmy ran back to him. “Lieutenant Tragg, what is it?!”

Tragg advanced towards Andy. “I thought I caught a glimpse of something,” he said. “Just for a split-second. It . . . it almost looked like a hand.”

A hand? Was it at all possible that . . . that he could be seen? Andy struggled, trying desperately to move his fingers. But it was no use; his hand remained lifeless on the floor.

Jimmy ran over to where Tragg was staring. “Andy?!” he cried. “Andy, is it you? Are you here?”

The mix of fear and worry and hope in his voice tore at what was left of Andy’s heart. The kid loved him. He loved him so much. And Andy could not so much as remember their connection.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

Jimmy looked up at the others as they came over too. “How could Lieutenant Tragg have seen a hand?!” he exclaimed, addressing a shorter woman adorned in black.

She studied the scene in concern. “It’s possible that, as the two planes vying for Lieutenant Anderson’s presence are taking their toll on his body, he may become visible for short moments on our plane,” she said. “That is what my friend told me.”

Tragg looked up at her with a jerk. “Well, for Heaven’s sake, woman! Didn’t he say anything about how to save him?! How to stop this insanity?!”

She shook her head. “I’m afraid not. He didn’t know of a way.”

“Bah! There’s always a way.” Tragg reached out, feeling through the air. “I saw the hand right here, as though someone was lying on the floor.

“Andy?” The urgency and pain filled his voice to overflowing. “Andy, if you’re here, give me some kind of a sign.”

“I can’t,” Andy rasped. “I’ve tried so hard, and I can’t. And I . . . I don’t even know who you are!”

The older woman looked to the one in black in fear and anguish. “Is he dying, Mrs. Germaine?” she asked. “This time, is he dying for real?”

Mrs. Germaine drew a deep breath. “In all probability, he may be,” she said. “I can sense something . . . a very distorted presence, fading in and out. It grows weaker each time.”

Those words seemed to eradicate the rest of the other woman’s strength. She sank to her knees, clutching the couch arm. “Oh Andy,” she choked out. “My precious son Andy! Where are you? Isn’t there anything we can do to save you and bring you back to us?!”

Andy looked to her. He could see little more than an outline; his sight was almost gone.

His voice was gone, he found as he tried to answer her. Little by little, he was slipping away right in front of her and the others, even though they could not see him at all.

“There!”

Suddenly something lashed out, grabbing at his hand and pinning it to the floor. A chill ran through his body. He had been seen.

“Andy . . .”

It was a pair of strong but wrinkled hands holding onto his limp one. And it was Tragg’s voice. Andy could only vaguely see him, but he didn’t need to see him in order to hear the anguish in his voice or feel it in his hands.

“Andy, you’re my son, too.” Tragg sounded at the point of heartbreak. “This is you, isn’t it? It has to be you. Oh, if only I’d fully believed sooner! Maybe I could have done more to find you. Maybe . . .”

With the greatest effort Andy curled his fingers the slightest bit. I don’t blame you, Arthur.

His near-sightless eyes widened. No one had called the man Arthur. Had he remembered something? Had he, at long last?

“Andy! He is here! I can see him!” the older woman cried. “All of him now! Oh Andy!” She knelt beside him too.

The kid was right with her. “Maybe it’s because you got hold of his hand, Lieutenant!” he suggested. “You’re pulling him back onto our plane!”

He leaned over Andy, still worried nevertheless. “Andy? Andy, can you hear me?”

He swallowed hard at the lack of response. “Something’s still wrong,” he reported. “He’s . . . he’s hardly here. I mean, physically we’re getting him, but he . . . I don’t see him in his eyes!

“Andy?! Andy, come on, say something! Do something! Let me know we’re getting through!”

“He tried to grip my hand,” Tragg told the panicked boy. “He knows. Somehow, he knows.”

“He looks so weak!” the older woman said in horror. “Andy! Andy, have you eaten at all? We need to call an ambulance!”

“But will it help?” Jimmy retorted. “Mama Norden, he’s not all back. He just isn’t!”

Andy barely even felt that he was physically back. He really felt like he was spread all over.

Arthur? Arthur, what’s going on? Who are you to me? Who are these other people?

Who am I?

Tragg stared at Andy. “He doesn’t know us,” he said in horror. “That’s what you saw, Jimmy. That’s why he doesn’t look all here.”

No, it was not just that. Andy was sure of it. But . . . but maybe that was part of it too.

“Andy.” Tragg gripped the hand more tightly now. “Andy, can you remember anything about us? Anything at all? I’m Lieutenant Tragg, Andy. Don’t you remember meeting me? I thought you were someone else at first. You startled me by showing up looking just like him.” He tried to smile, but it was shaky and pained.

I . . . I don’t remember. Wait . . .

Amory Fallon. Is that who you thought I was?

“Andy!” Jimmy tried next. “Andy, we grew up together. Do you remember that? We played spaceships and rockets in the backyard all the time. We drove our parents crazy.” A weak, shaking smile tugged at his lips. “But they loved that we were so close.”

He drew a shaking breath. “I always wanted to be just like you. When you went in for being a police officer, that was what I wanted too.”

Andy tried to look to him. It was difficult; his sight was still not really functioning. But something the kid was saying struck a cord with him anyway.

I was so proud when you graduated.

He tried to lift his other hand. It still felt glued to the floor.

“Andy . . .” Now Mama Norden was trying. “You also grew up with Otto. You and Otto always had dinner with me on Thursday evenings. Then, after Otto was . . . after he died, you and Jimmy came. And then I thought you were gone too. . . .” Emotion choked her voice.

Andy’s eyes flickered. Mama Norden . . . Otto. . . .

Otto was killed on patrol with Jimmy.

Suddenly he was aware that something cold and dark was seeping into his skin. He stiffened. He had not really noticed it before, when he had lain dying, but now its presence was almost overwhelming. It was spreading worse when he tried to remember, blanking out his thoughts and destroying his senses. When his mind was free of thought it moved more slowly, yet still tried to sweep through him.

It was trying to keep him from remembering. It was trying to drag him down with it! Maybe it was even making him fade.

No. No, I won’t go. God help me, I’ll fight it. I won’t let you take me away. I’m going to stay here, where I belong. I’m going to stay with the people who love me, even if I don’t remember them.

With his faith and hope renewed, he fought against the force. It was what was chaining his other hand to the floor. He clenched his teeth, fighting with all his might to loosen the grip. Had it risen a centimeter? It felt like he had managed to make it do something. Maybe he could go farther. Another centimeter. An inch? Six inches.

I want to live. I don’t care who you are or why you’re doing this; it won’t work. I’m staying on my plane, where I’m loved and wanted. I’m going to live!

His hand tore free, flailing madly as he grabbed for Jimmy. His fingers curled around Jimmy’s uniform shirt.

It was as though he had been all at once pulled out of water and saved from drowning. He shot up straight, gasping, choking, shuddering and heaving.

“Andy?!” Everyone stared at him, both hopeful and concerned.

“Andy, are you here?” Mama Norden cried. “Are you with us?”

Andy looked to her, blinking at the sudden array of color and light. “I . . . I can see,” he gasped. “I can see you, Mama. And Jimmy. And . . .”

Now the emotions were rushing over him. “I know you,” he exclaimed. “I know all of you.

“And I’m here! I’m here and you can see me! You can hear me! Is my heart beating?”

Mama Norden smiled and nodded through her joyous tears. “Your heart is beating, Andy. You are alive!”

Tragg rocked back, gazing at him in awe. “You’re alive,” he repeated reverently. “I don’t know why or how. I don’t understand any of this. But you’re alive. You’ve come back to us.” He drew Andy into a warm and loving embrace. “Thank God, you’ve come back.”

Andy clutched at his friend and mentor, never wanting to let go. “I don’t know how or why, either,” he admitted. “Right now I don’t care. I’m back. Yes, thank God, I’m back! I’m back.”

Mignon smiled as she stood by, observing the reunion. Jimmy and Mrs. Norden joined the hug after a moment. Andy looked up, trying to draw them into it too. Joyous tears filled his eyes.

No matter how he echoed his own words, it sounded too good to be true. After all the heartache and pain and anguish, how was it possible that he had been saved? Part of him feared that it could not be real, that he was in delirium as he died.

But no, that could not be. He had forgotten everything. He would not be having such a vivid, intense hallucination as this. It was real, as unbelievable as it seemed after all this. He was alive, and safe, and where he belonged.

He was very weak and would need time to recover. But now he had that chance. He would not even mind going to the hospital so much, not now. Those people would see him, just as these people, his loved ones, saw him.

He could not hear that treacherous voice anymore. Was it because he could only hear it if he was in another state of existence?

He would have to try to investigate whom that voice had belonged to. If at all possible, he had to prevent such unspeakable cruelty being done to anyone else. And, judging from what he had been told, he would have to look into the past for the answers. Someone had wanted to perform this experiment so badly that they had reached through time and space to do it. That was horrifying.

But there would be time to think on that later. Right now he wanted only to focus on the present, on finally being alive again.

Out in the apartment corridor, he could hear the vague strains of what sounded like a group of singers, maybe even the ones from Griffith Park. They seemed to have been rehearsing, and were singing and laughing as they made their way down the hall to the elevator.

“Hallelujah,” Andy whispered, still embracing the others. “I’m home. I’m home.”