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31_days2012-08-24 01:34 pm
insaneladybug.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2012-08-24 01:34 pm
[August 24th] [Perry Mason] All of My Memories
Title: All of My Memories
Day/Theme: August 24th - Words have no calories
Series: Perry Mason
Character/Pairing: Lieutenant Tragg, Lieutenant Anderson, Lieutenant Drumm
Rating: T/PG-13
I'm not fully satisfied with this. I'm not sure if it's because it's heartbreaking or something else. Gah.
I was craving some Andy hurt/comfort and stuff with him and Tragg, and this came out of it. I'm musing a bit on character development and figuring out some of Andy's strange and uptight behavior in season 8.
It was supposed to have a happy ending, but that ... didn't happen. I think I depressed myself.
By Lucky_Ladybug
Tragg cradled the dead policeman in his arms, numb and heartbroken. He had lost track of how long he had been sitting there, how long he had been lost in his memories, how long the young man slumped against him had been lifeless and limp. He had long ago ceased to even process the outside world.
There were so many memories. Several years ago he had been told that the department wanted him to give a guiding hand to a fresh, young Lieutenant. And when he had been introduced to the kid, he had nearly been floored at the discovery that he strikingly resembled a local businessman.
He had not liked the assignment at first. Something about it had made him suspicious of the Captain’s intentions and whether he was trying to have Tragg replaced by the boy he was supposed to be grooming. And that had come out in his behavior towards his charge. It had been noticed but tolerated for a while, until the officer reached his breaking point.
“Look, Lieutenant,” he had said when he had at last confronted Tragg about the treatment, “I don’t know what I did to deserve the way you’ve been acting, but I wish you’d tell me what it was. I’ve been respectful of you since day one, while you haven’t been able to stand being in the same room with me! And somehow I don’t think this has anything to do with the fact that I have a doppelganger running around in the city.”
Tragg had looked up from his desk, glowering at the newcomer. “You’re just imagining things, Lieutenant Anderson,” he had retorted. “You’re too sensitive.”
“Oh yes, I told myself that for a while. But I’ve come to realize that my judgment was right all along. I feel like you downright hate me. I’d put in for a transfer, but I’m not about to leave before I find out the truth.”
“If you want to put in for a transfer over something that doesn’t even exist, go right ahead,” Tragg had snapped. “Maybe you’re not fit for the department if you’re imagining up fairytales in your head.”
In the present, Tragg shut his eyes tightly. Oh, the look he had received! Such a devastating mixture of shock and hurt and betrayal. And when Andy had spoken again, it had been in a taut, clipped tone.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, Lieutenant,” he had said as he straightened. “Maybe it would be better if I transferred out. The precinct somehow isn’t big enough for the both of us to remain within it.”
And he had turned and left, leaving Tragg staring after him.
The argument had badly shaken the veteran policeman. He remembered turning his attention to a donut he had brought for lunch and had sitting on the edge of his desk. The thing had too many calories, but he cared very little about that. It was a weakness of his.
Words, on the other hand, had no calories. But as far as he was concerned, they were far more damaging.
He had gone to Andy later that day, sobered and guilt-ridden after a morning and afternoon of soul-searching. He had finally admitted, to himself as well as to Andy, that Andy was right. But when Andy had heard the reason for the cold attitude, he had been stunned.
“Lieutenant, the Captain has no intention of replacing you. He told me himself that you’re a valuable asset to the force. He wanted you to instruct me only because he wants your knowledge to spread to as many police officers as possible.” And while Tragg had gawked at him, he had rushed on, “I’m sorry. I honestly had no idea that you weren’t informed. If you’ve really thought all this time that I’ve been out to take your job away, after all the years of service you’ve given, then I’m surprised you didn’t come down on me harder than you did. I’m just a young upstart. I have maybe only a third of those years under my belt. But you, Lieutenant . . . you’re a legend.”
Tragg had been stricken to not only learn the truth but that Lieutenant Anderson quite obviously idolized him. He had desperately worked since that day to rectify the damage, taking Andy under his wing and giving him the full benefit of his thirty-plus years on the force.
He soon realized that Andy, contrary to his bitter and hurtful thoughts, was a highly capable man, not some impulsive kid. He knew his way around a police investigation. And he was no fool; tricking Andy was something only rarely tried because it worked even more rarely.
He was a quiet, thoughtful fellow, businesslike and amiable in his approach on the job, and fiercely loyal and upright. The very thought of anything the least bit illegal distressed him to no end. He had even struggled with how to balance being friends with Perry and company while not compromising himself with some of their law-bending antics. Tragg had tried to get him to relax a bit, even to have lunch with them sometimes, but unless Tragg was going, Andy hardly ever deliberately met up with Perry, Della, and Paul in social settings.
The stress of it all had started to take its toll. Andy had been far more easy-going when Tragg had first met him as opposed to when Andy was forced to assume greater responsibilities during a period when Tragg was recovering after being shot. It had been a relief to them both, for many reasons, when Tragg was well enough to resume control. With the added burdens lifted and his mentor back, the stress receded and Andy finally began to again relax.
A younger Lieutenant, Steve Drumm, had helped with that as well. Steve was an enigma, a series of contrasts, that sounded incompatible but somehow all make sense once you actually met him. He was hardcore and hardboiled on his investigations; nothing much slipped past him. And yet, off the job he was very friendly and cheerful. He had no problem at all in making friends with Perry and his crew. He and Paul, in fact, were very good friends. And that was quite a feat, considering that Paul had been as uptight about being friendly with the Lieutenants as Andy had been to join Perry for lunch.
The three of them and Sergeant Brice were a good team. They had been together for so long, solving murders and catching criminals. Tragg was getting on in years now, but to everyone’s amazement, he was still stubbornly active. He intended to remain on the force as long as humanly possible.
Somewhere along the way, Tragg had realized that Andy had become the son he had never had. Oh, he had never said it in so many words; he was terrible at being genuinely affectionate and showing it. He was a gruff old codger. But he and Andy had become so close that Tragg felt the words were not even needed. Andy knew.
He hated the time he had wasted at the beginning, being angry and suspicious of Andy instead of understanding and embracing the opportunity to teach him. Perhaps they had become all the closer due to that rocky opening, but Tragg preferred to think that it would have still happened even if they had gotten along beautifully from the start.
Blankly he rested a hand on the back of Andy’s head, supporting the limp neck. The world was going mad these days, even moreso now than in years past. A standoff with a madman trying to set off a bomb outside the courthouse had led to both him and Andy lying dead. Andy had tried so hard to convince him to stop his insane plan. For a while it had looked like it might work. Then the bomb had been discovered, Andy had worked frantically to deactivate it, and the wretch had broken free of police custody and tackled Andy, making sure not only to keep the bomb going but that they would be close enough to be caught in the blast. Andy had fought back, trying to force them farther away, but then the countdown had reached zero.
The horror of seeing the bodies flying through the air would haunt Tragg for the rest of his life. He had found Andy sprawled on the grass of the courthouse, his eyes closed, his body battered and dead. Tragg had gathered his son into his arms and had been kneeling there ever since, unable to return enough to the present to even move. To anyone observing, he was gazing blankly into the distance, looking as though he had checked out of reality.
He had seen so many deaths, had spoken to so many heartbroken loved ones left behind, had arrested so many murderers. It never got easier. But he had always managed to keep himself together, even in the most senseless of acts. This time he had shattered.
“Lieutenant? Lieutenant Tragg!”
The worried, accented voice startled him. He looked up, focusing on Steve bending down in front of him. When had he come? Tragg did not recall him arriving at all.
“Lieutenant . . .” Steve regarded him with both gentle kindness and a heartache of his own. “He’s gone. They have to take him now. You have to get up.”
Tragg just stared, the words reaching him and yet not fully processing. He gripped Andy tighter. He could not let him go.
“Lieutenant, please.” Steve was honestly worried about him. He reached out, trying to carefully pry the body out of Tragg’s arms. Tragg jerked away, glowering at his comrade.
“No.” Tragg heaved a despairing, anguished sigh. “. . . I’ll let him go. Give me a moment.”
Steve hesitated but then finally nodded, relieved that he had broken through. He stood, backing away.
Stumbling for a moment, Tragg managed to get to his feet, Andy in his arms. There was no way Tragg could carry him, but he managed to lay him down gently on the nearby gurney. For a moment he stared into the pained, pale face, brushing the loose blond hair away from Andy’s right eye. “Goodbye, Andy,” he whispered.
He was somehow managing to keep himself composed. But when the medical examiner had inspected the body and was pulling the sheet over it, Tragg broke down, his shoulders shaking as he cried.
Quietly and sadly, Steve drew his arm around the older man’s shoulders and led him away.
Day/Theme: August 24th - Words have no calories
Series: Perry Mason
Character/Pairing: Lieutenant Tragg, Lieutenant Anderson, Lieutenant Drumm
Rating: T/PG-13
I'm not fully satisfied with this. I'm not sure if it's because it's heartbreaking or something else. Gah.
I was craving some Andy hurt/comfort and stuff with him and Tragg, and this came out of it. I'm musing a bit on character development and figuring out some of Andy's strange and uptight behavior in season 8.
It was supposed to have a happy ending, but that ... didn't happen. I think I depressed myself.
Tragg cradled the dead policeman in his arms, numb and heartbroken. He had lost track of how long he had been sitting there, how long he had been lost in his memories, how long the young man slumped against him had been lifeless and limp. He had long ago ceased to even process the outside world.
There were so many memories. Several years ago he had been told that the department wanted him to give a guiding hand to a fresh, young Lieutenant. And when he had been introduced to the kid, he had nearly been floored at the discovery that he strikingly resembled a local businessman.
He had not liked the assignment at first. Something about it had made him suspicious of the Captain’s intentions and whether he was trying to have Tragg replaced by the boy he was supposed to be grooming. And that had come out in his behavior towards his charge. It had been noticed but tolerated for a while, until the officer reached his breaking point.
“Look, Lieutenant,” he had said when he had at last confronted Tragg about the treatment, “I don’t know what I did to deserve the way you’ve been acting, but I wish you’d tell me what it was. I’ve been respectful of you since day one, while you haven’t been able to stand being in the same room with me! And somehow I don’t think this has anything to do with the fact that I have a doppelganger running around in the city.”
Tragg had looked up from his desk, glowering at the newcomer. “You’re just imagining things, Lieutenant Anderson,” he had retorted. “You’re too sensitive.”
“Oh yes, I told myself that for a while. But I’ve come to realize that my judgment was right all along. I feel like you downright hate me. I’d put in for a transfer, but I’m not about to leave before I find out the truth.”
“If you want to put in for a transfer over something that doesn’t even exist, go right ahead,” Tragg had snapped. “Maybe you’re not fit for the department if you’re imagining up fairytales in your head.”
In the present, Tragg shut his eyes tightly. Oh, the look he had received! Such a devastating mixture of shock and hurt and betrayal. And when Andy had spoken again, it had been in a taut, clipped tone.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, Lieutenant,” he had said as he straightened. “Maybe it would be better if I transferred out. The precinct somehow isn’t big enough for the both of us to remain within it.”
And he had turned and left, leaving Tragg staring after him.
The argument had badly shaken the veteran policeman. He remembered turning his attention to a donut he had brought for lunch and had sitting on the edge of his desk. The thing had too many calories, but he cared very little about that. It was a weakness of his.
Words, on the other hand, had no calories. But as far as he was concerned, they were far more damaging.
He had gone to Andy later that day, sobered and guilt-ridden after a morning and afternoon of soul-searching. He had finally admitted, to himself as well as to Andy, that Andy was right. But when Andy had heard the reason for the cold attitude, he had been stunned.
“Lieutenant, the Captain has no intention of replacing you. He told me himself that you’re a valuable asset to the force. He wanted you to instruct me only because he wants your knowledge to spread to as many police officers as possible.” And while Tragg had gawked at him, he had rushed on, “I’m sorry. I honestly had no idea that you weren’t informed. If you’ve really thought all this time that I’ve been out to take your job away, after all the years of service you’ve given, then I’m surprised you didn’t come down on me harder than you did. I’m just a young upstart. I have maybe only a third of those years under my belt. But you, Lieutenant . . . you’re a legend.”
Tragg had been stricken to not only learn the truth but that Lieutenant Anderson quite obviously idolized him. He had desperately worked since that day to rectify the damage, taking Andy under his wing and giving him the full benefit of his thirty-plus years on the force.
He soon realized that Andy, contrary to his bitter and hurtful thoughts, was a highly capable man, not some impulsive kid. He knew his way around a police investigation. And he was no fool; tricking Andy was something only rarely tried because it worked even more rarely.
He was a quiet, thoughtful fellow, businesslike and amiable in his approach on the job, and fiercely loyal and upright. The very thought of anything the least bit illegal distressed him to no end. He had even struggled with how to balance being friends with Perry and company while not compromising himself with some of their law-bending antics. Tragg had tried to get him to relax a bit, even to have lunch with them sometimes, but unless Tragg was going, Andy hardly ever deliberately met up with Perry, Della, and Paul in social settings.
The stress of it all had started to take its toll. Andy had been far more easy-going when Tragg had first met him as opposed to when Andy was forced to assume greater responsibilities during a period when Tragg was recovering after being shot. It had been a relief to them both, for many reasons, when Tragg was well enough to resume control. With the added burdens lifted and his mentor back, the stress receded and Andy finally began to again relax.
A younger Lieutenant, Steve Drumm, had helped with that as well. Steve was an enigma, a series of contrasts, that sounded incompatible but somehow all make sense once you actually met him. He was hardcore and hardboiled on his investigations; nothing much slipped past him. And yet, off the job he was very friendly and cheerful. He had no problem at all in making friends with Perry and his crew. He and Paul, in fact, were very good friends. And that was quite a feat, considering that Paul had been as uptight about being friendly with the Lieutenants as Andy had been to join Perry for lunch.
The three of them and Sergeant Brice were a good team. They had been together for so long, solving murders and catching criminals. Tragg was getting on in years now, but to everyone’s amazement, he was still stubbornly active. He intended to remain on the force as long as humanly possible.
Somewhere along the way, Tragg had realized that Andy had become the son he had never had. Oh, he had never said it in so many words; he was terrible at being genuinely affectionate and showing it. He was a gruff old codger. But he and Andy had become so close that Tragg felt the words were not even needed. Andy knew.
He hated the time he had wasted at the beginning, being angry and suspicious of Andy instead of understanding and embracing the opportunity to teach him. Perhaps they had become all the closer due to that rocky opening, but Tragg preferred to think that it would have still happened even if they had gotten along beautifully from the start.
Blankly he rested a hand on the back of Andy’s head, supporting the limp neck. The world was going mad these days, even moreso now than in years past. A standoff with a madman trying to set off a bomb outside the courthouse had led to both him and Andy lying dead. Andy had tried so hard to convince him to stop his insane plan. For a while it had looked like it might work. Then the bomb had been discovered, Andy had worked frantically to deactivate it, and the wretch had broken free of police custody and tackled Andy, making sure not only to keep the bomb going but that they would be close enough to be caught in the blast. Andy had fought back, trying to force them farther away, but then the countdown had reached zero.
The horror of seeing the bodies flying through the air would haunt Tragg for the rest of his life. He had found Andy sprawled on the grass of the courthouse, his eyes closed, his body battered and dead. Tragg had gathered his son into his arms and had been kneeling there ever since, unable to return enough to the present to even move. To anyone observing, he was gazing blankly into the distance, looking as though he had checked out of reality.
He had seen so many deaths, had spoken to so many heartbroken loved ones left behind, had arrested so many murderers. It never got easier. But he had always managed to keep himself together, even in the most senseless of acts. This time he had shattered.
“Lieutenant? Lieutenant Tragg!”
The worried, accented voice startled him. He looked up, focusing on Steve bending down in front of him. When had he come? Tragg did not recall him arriving at all.
“Lieutenant . . .” Steve regarded him with both gentle kindness and a heartache of his own. “He’s gone. They have to take him now. You have to get up.”
Tragg just stared, the words reaching him and yet not fully processing. He gripped Andy tighter. He could not let him go.
“Lieutenant, please.” Steve was honestly worried about him. He reached out, trying to carefully pry the body out of Tragg’s arms. Tragg jerked away, glowering at his comrade.
“No.” Tragg heaved a despairing, anguished sigh. “. . . I’ll let him go. Give me a moment.”
Steve hesitated but then finally nodded, relieved that he had broken through. He stood, backing away.
Stumbling for a moment, Tragg managed to get to his feet, Andy in his arms. There was no way Tragg could carry him, but he managed to lay him down gently on the nearby gurney. For a moment he stared into the pained, pale face, brushing the loose blond hair away from Andy’s right eye. “Goodbye, Andy,” he whispered.
He was somehow managing to keep himself composed. But when the medical examiner had inspected the body and was pulling the sheet over it, Tragg broke down, his shoulders shaking as he cried.
Quietly and sadly, Steve drew his arm around the older man’s shoulders and led him away.