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31_days2012-07-24 06:46 pm
seta-suzume.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2012-07-24 06:46 pm
[July 24] [The Hunger Games] Sepulchre by the Sea
Title: Sepulchre by the Sea
Day/Theme: July 24, 2012 "I don't see anybody that dear to me"
Series: The Hunger Games
Character/Pairing: Mags, etc.
Rating: PG
The main cemetery in District 4 looks out over the sea. Of course, most things in 4 face the sea. With our nation what it is, who would ever want to look back at the land? The sea is our life.
I've come up the hill to visit and to be alone. Knowing that no district has had back to back winners yet tempered some of my hopes that there was anything I could do to bring back Shaya or Salvador. It was up to them. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt, but it was an expected sort of pain.
Maybe I felt a little cockier for the 14th Hunger Games and that's why I feel worse for Maria and Jereck. The earth around their graves is still soft and slightly unsettled. Maybe feeling worse each time we fail is just part and parcel of the job. Maybe it will wear me down more and more each year until I die.
I am probably telling myself this to distract myself from my personal tragedy.
I walk around the cemetery, reading off the names I know. Mama, Aunt Sandra, Beanpole, Maria, my dad's parents who I never met, my mom's parents who I never met either, Shaya, Jereck, Beanpole's mother, Salvador, the school principal from when I was a little girl, Dago who was one of my dad's fishing buddies, Irene Odair who was reaped the year before me, and Cosmo Malaqua who was reaped with her (I knew them- I knew them both, better than anyone else reaped before me). It occurs to me that I know an awful lot of dead people. Is the number about average for someone my age? Unlike most people in 4, I know dead people who're buried in some other district too. The other tributes. If I tried to list them, maybe I could come up with all of their names, but I don't want to think about it that hard (I see Sparrow even if I try to avoid it).
The one I lost didn't have any name.
Back at home I imagine my phone keeps ringing and ringing and ringing like it has since I got back. I couldn't answer, so I had to leave. If it's still ringing when I return later, I'm going to disconnect it.
Maybe it's just Apple or the Victor Affairs Coordinator trying to contact me about some sort of mentor stuff. Well, Apple would probably have some condolences to pass on, but she hates to talk about anything negative, so she wouldn't be one to belabor it.
Or maybe it's Aulie, with his own sympathies and some cheerful Capitol chatter to balance them out.
But it's probably Jack. "Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack," I think his name over and over as I reach the driftwood fence at the far end of the cemetery, protecting unsuspecting visitors from wandering off the edge of the cliffs. I lean on the fence and stare down at the churning water. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to talk to Jack. I'm not sure I can handle him after this.
"Hey, Mags," Lito shows up and puts his hand on my shoulder. I lean my head down against it. I knew someone would come after me sooner or later. Lito or Papa. They're the ones I can talk to. Lito or Papa. And usually Jack, but maybe not anymore.
"I was getting kind of worried about you," he admits.
"You're too nice to me." Really, he is. I don't know why. I mean, I know why he wants to be nice to me, but I don't see what about me would make him feel that way.
"You got a package in the mail today."
I stiffen, though I try to hide my discomfort, leaving my head on Lito's shoulder even though it's sort of hurting my neck now.
"It's wrapped up all bright yellow. Your favorite."
He knows who it's from; I can guess. And Lito probably knows that I can. I think part of my problem is caring too much too easily. Everyone is too dear to me.
"And Jack called," Lito adds momentarily. "He heard through the grapevine how you…" he struggles, then deals with it by altering his word choice, "…That you were sick. He really wants to talk to you."
"I know," I sigh.
Day/Theme: July 24, 2012 "I don't see anybody that dear to me"
Series: The Hunger Games
Character/Pairing: Mags, etc.
Rating: PG
The main cemetery in District 4 looks out over the sea. Of course, most things in 4 face the sea. With our nation what it is, who would ever want to look back at the land? The sea is our life.
I've come up the hill to visit and to be alone. Knowing that no district has had back to back winners yet tempered some of my hopes that there was anything I could do to bring back Shaya or Salvador. It was up to them. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt, but it was an expected sort of pain.
Maybe I felt a little cockier for the 14th Hunger Games and that's why I feel worse for Maria and Jereck. The earth around their graves is still soft and slightly unsettled. Maybe feeling worse each time we fail is just part and parcel of the job. Maybe it will wear me down more and more each year until I die.
I am probably telling myself this to distract myself from my personal tragedy.
I walk around the cemetery, reading off the names I know. Mama, Aunt Sandra, Beanpole, Maria, my dad's parents who I never met, my mom's parents who I never met either, Shaya, Jereck, Beanpole's mother, Salvador, the school principal from when I was a little girl, Dago who was one of my dad's fishing buddies, Irene Odair who was reaped the year before me, and Cosmo Malaqua who was reaped with her (I knew them- I knew them both, better than anyone else reaped before me). It occurs to me that I know an awful lot of dead people. Is the number about average for someone my age? Unlike most people in 4, I know dead people who're buried in some other district too. The other tributes. If I tried to list them, maybe I could come up with all of their names, but I don't want to think about it that hard (I see Sparrow even if I try to avoid it).
The one I lost didn't have any name.
Back at home I imagine my phone keeps ringing and ringing and ringing like it has since I got back. I couldn't answer, so I had to leave. If it's still ringing when I return later, I'm going to disconnect it.
Maybe it's just Apple or the Victor Affairs Coordinator trying to contact me about some sort of mentor stuff. Well, Apple would probably have some condolences to pass on, but she hates to talk about anything negative, so she wouldn't be one to belabor it.
Or maybe it's Aulie, with his own sympathies and some cheerful Capitol chatter to balance them out.
But it's probably Jack. "Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack," I think his name over and over as I reach the driftwood fence at the far end of the cemetery, protecting unsuspecting visitors from wandering off the edge of the cliffs. I lean on the fence and stare down at the churning water. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to talk to Jack. I'm not sure I can handle him after this.
"Hey, Mags," Lito shows up and puts his hand on my shoulder. I lean my head down against it. I knew someone would come after me sooner or later. Lito or Papa. They're the ones I can talk to. Lito or Papa. And usually Jack, but maybe not anymore.
"I was getting kind of worried about you," he admits.
"You're too nice to me." Really, he is. I don't know why. I mean, I know why he wants to be nice to me, but I don't see what about me would make him feel that way.
"You got a package in the mail today."
I stiffen, though I try to hide my discomfort, leaving my head on Lito's shoulder even though it's sort of hurting my neck now.
"It's wrapped up all bright yellow. Your favorite."
He knows who it's from; I can guess. And Lito probably knows that I can. I think part of my problem is caring too much too easily. Everyone is too dear to me.
"And Jack called," Lito adds momentarily. "He heard through the grapevine how you…" he struggles, then deals with it by altering his word choice, "…That you were sick. He really wants to talk to you."
"I know," I sigh.