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31_days2011-09-27 03:31 pm
mewmar.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2011-09-27 03:31 pm
[27-09-2011] [Primeval (bbc)] secrets aren't secrets forever
Title: Secrets aren't secrets forever
Day/Theme:27. I’m writing a letter that you’ll never see
Series: Primeval
Character/Pairing: Stephen, one-sided Stephen/Nick
Rating: G
Dear Nick,
My friend, if I can call you that. That honour is not mine anymore, I suspect. I was given the cold shoulder not only by you but also by Abby and by extension Connor. I don’t blame any of you, I deserve everything that I got. It’s good you made some new friends, they’re good for you.
I should have told you, in the eight and more years that we worked together and were friends, but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. I should have known, secrets can’t be secrets forever. Especially after I found out that Helen was alive.
She never meant anything to me, never. I was stressed with exams and wanted an outlet and she came on to me. Said her husband did not notice her, didn’t love her. I should have known it was not true. She did it to a lot of students, I know you know that. It was a onetime thing, I swear.
When I got to know you, I felt so used, and so sorry for you. I felt so guilty! You were great, you made me laugh, you took me under your tutorship after she dropped me and you made me love you.
I never told you, but again I was afraid of your rejection; that things would be awkward between us. Fear seems to be a common theme here. I don’t know what that says about me. Maybe that I’m sane. You were the first person who really cared about me and wanted what’s good for me. And I fucked that up, along with your wife.
Your best friend, which you trusted, slept with your wife, and then did not have the guts to tell you for more than eight years. Even if I did not know you at that time.
I guess this is the good news for you, I’m leaving. I can’t go through another day of you giving me the cold shoulder, as if I did not exist. I feel bad enough, again my own fault. I’m leaving you my apartment, you can turn it into an office, a place to crash in this part of town, sell it; anything. You can do with it whatever you want, I sent the paperwork to your lawyer. I’m also leaving my fossils here. You can give them to the dean, to a museum or keep them. I’m also giving you back those twenty bucks which you borrowed me and the keys to your car and house.
I’m also resigning from the Uni and the Home office. I’m not contributing to anything there, being cut off as I am. Better leave like the coward that I am. I guess this is where I say goodbye.
Your Friend ,
Stephen
PS. I also took your name off as my next of kin. You don’t have to worry about having anything to do with me whatsoever.
Stephen looked at the letter, having just finished writing it. Then he scrunched it up, made to tear it but thought better of it. He straightened it again, folded it in a quarter and put it inside his beast pocket with the pen along with his and Nick’s photograph. The taxi was waiting outside. He gathered the three bags with his possessions and the camping gear, barely managing to hold them, and left. He had a one way ticket to Bolivia after all.
What Nick received, along with the keys, the money and the paperwork was a simple note.
I’m Sorry, for everything. I can’t ever redeem myself enough, so instead, I’m leaving. It’s best for everyone. My apartment along with anything in it is yours to do as you wish. Changed you from my next of kin too, you’ll never be bothered with me again.
Always yours,
Stephen.
Day/Theme:27. I’m writing a letter that you’ll never see
Series: Primeval
Character/Pairing: Stephen, one-sided Stephen/Nick
Rating: G
Dear Nick,
My friend, if I can call you that. That honour is not mine anymore, I suspect. I was given the cold shoulder not only by you but also by Abby and by extension Connor. I don’t blame any of you, I deserve everything that I got. It’s good you made some new friends, they’re good for you.
I should have told you, in the eight and more years that we worked together and were friends, but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. I should have known, secrets can’t be secrets forever. Especially after I found out that Helen was alive.
She never meant anything to me, never. I was stressed with exams and wanted an outlet and she came on to me. Said her husband did not notice her, didn’t love her. I should have known it was not true. She did it to a lot of students, I know you know that. It was a onetime thing, I swear.
When I got to know you, I felt so used, and so sorry for you. I felt so guilty! You were great, you made me laugh, you took me under your tutorship after she dropped me and you made me love you.
I never told you, but again I was afraid of your rejection; that things would be awkward between us. Fear seems to be a common theme here. I don’t know what that says about me. Maybe that I’m sane. You were the first person who really cared about me and wanted what’s good for me. And I fucked that up, along with your wife.
Your best friend, which you trusted, slept with your wife, and then did not have the guts to tell you for more than eight years. Even if I did not know you at that time.
I guess this is the good news for you, I’m leaving. I can’t go through another day of you giving me the cold shoulder, as if I did not exist. I feel bad enough, again my own fault. I’m leaving you my apartment, you can turn it into an office, a place to crash in this part of town, sell it; anything. You can do with it whatever you want, I sent the paperwork to your lawyer. I’m also leaving my fossils here. You can give them to the dean, to a museum or keep them. I’m also giving you back those twenty bucks which you borrowed me and the keys to your car and house.
I’m also resigning from the Uni and the Home office. I’m not contributing to anything there, being cut off as I am. Better leave like the coward that I am. I guess this is where I say goodbye.
Stephen
PS. I also took your name off as my next of kin. You don’t have to worry about having anything to do with me whatsoever.
Stephen looked at the letter, having just finished writing it. Then he scrunched it up, made to tear it but thought better of it. He straightened it again, folded it in a quarter and put it inside his beast pocket with the pen along with his and Nick’s photograph. The taxi was waiting outside. He gathered the three bags with his possessions and the camping gear, barely managing to hold them, and left. He had a one way ticket to Bolivia after all.
What Nick received, along with the keys, the money and the paperwork was a simple note.
I’m Sorry, for everything. I can’t ever redeem myself enough, so instead, I’m leaving. It’s best for everyone. My apartment along with anything in it is yours to do as you wish. Changed you from my next of kin too, you’ll never be bothered with me again.
Always yours,
Stephen.