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31_days2011-06-26 06:52 pm
seta-suzume.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2011-06-26 06:52 pm
[June 26] [Apollo Justice] I Am On Display
Title: I Am On Display
Day/Theme: June 26, 2011 "Only purity can't be seen."
Series: Ace Attorney series - Apollo Justice
Character/Pairing: Machi Tobaye
Rating: PG-13
Contains references to underage sex, prostitution. >_>;
Being pure, Machi thought, was like being patient. It was easier for people to tell when you were dirty, just as impatience showed through in an instant. It could take hours for people to realize you were biting your tongue and remaining quiet in the face of immense irritations unless they just happened to already be aware of the frustrating nature of the individual you were facing. One quick comment, one harsh word and everyone was judging you for how quick you were to snap.
For some reason, it felt to Machi like purity was the same way. He remembered the first time he'd kissed a boy. Everyone who looked at him knew, didn't they? He was different somehow to the naked eye. Innocence was invisible. Knowledge was the thing that made you want to cover up- to hide your eyes, to hide your scars, to look away.
And what was that first kiss compared to the things that followed? That boy, at least, he'd liked. He had wanted- initiated- the kiss. The uses he'd put his mouth and hands (and, oh, every other part of his body it seemed) to afterward, beside the sink in that dirty kitchen, in the alleyway behind the restaurant, in the dark cellar filled with dust and wine, on his tiny cot...compared to them the kiss was as licit and respectable as paying one's taxes. Sometimes he asked himself why he had even bothered selling himself like that. Why hadn't he given himself up to starvation? Why hadn't he allowed himself to just slip away one cold night and die? What had kept him going until Lamiroir?
It was too difficult a question, he supposed. He had no answer but "I was too scared to die." Maybe bravery was invisible too. He didn't talk about his past much. And if no one knew what you had lived through, how could they tell whether you had fought against the odds to live, to be strong? That maybe the sacrifice of your purity had been one worth making.
Why did he invest the time in thinking over these things, he wondered, when there was no one to tell? All he was doing, over and over, was telling himself. It was too false a chorus to be reassuring.
Day/Theme: June 26, 2011 "Only purity can't be seen."
Series: Ace Attorney series - Apollo Justice
Character/Pairing: Machi Tobaye
Rating: PG-13
Contains references to underage sex, prostitution. >_>;
Being pure, Machi thought, was like being patient. It was easier for people to tell when you were dirty, just as impatience showed through in an instant. It could take hours for people to realize you were biting your tongue and remaining quiet in the face of immense irritations unless they just happened to already be aware of the frustrating nature of the individual you were facing. One quick comment, one harsh word and everyone was judging you for how quick you were to snap.
For some reason, it felt to Machi like purity was the same way. He remembered the first time he'd kissed a boy. Everyone who looked at him knew, didn't they? He was different somehow to the naked eye. Innocence was invisible. Knowledge was the thing that made you want to cover up- to hide your eyes, to hide your scars, to look away.
And what was that first kiss compared to the things that followed? That boy, at least, he'd liked. He had wanted- initiated- the kiss. The uses he'd put his mouth and hands (and, oh, every other part of his body it seemed) to afterward, beside the sink in that dirty kitchen, in the alleyway behind the restaurant, in the dark cellar filled with dust and wine, on his tiny cot...compared to them the kiss was as licit and respectable as paying one's taxes. Sometimes he asked himself why he had even bothered selling himself like that. Why hadn't he given himself up to starvation? Why hadn't he allowed himself to just slip away one cold night and die? What had kept him going until Lamiroir?
It was too difficult a question, he supposed. He had no answer but "I was too scared to die." Maybe bravery was invisible too. He didn't talk about his past much. And if no one knew what you had lived through, how could they tell whether you had fought against the odds to live, to be strong? That maybe the sacrifice of your purity had been one worth making.
Why did he invest the time in thinking over these things, he wondered, when there was no one to tell? All he was doing, over and over, was telling himself. It was too false a chorus to be reassuring.