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31_days2010-08-19 12:56 pm
in-censors.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2010-08-19 12:56 pm
[August 19] [Super Junior] marigold
Title: marigold
Day/Theme: August 19 / he who travels fastest goes alone
Series: Super Junior
Character/Pairing: Sungmin/Ryeowook
Rating: T
Sungmin wrapped him up in blankets and sang sad love songs into his ear, but Ryeowook couldn't sleep, too lost in the quick stream of half-coherent worries that were starting to take shape in his mind.
"I have to go to town," Ryeowook mumbled, weakly pushing Sungmin away, "gotta get some water for Kyuhyun, I have to..." Have to find someplace safer, have to tell Kyuhyun everything, have to get away from Sungmin's suffocating care, what is truth what is falsehood is this terrorism or just Ryeowook's fears coming to haunt him all over again?
"You can't go out like this, Ryeowookie," Sungmin said, "I'll go out tomorrow, drive to town and pick up a few gallons, I promise. Just go to sleep, okay?"
"No," Ryeowook said, "gotta do it on my own -- I don't know if I can--"
"Stop playing the hero," Sungmin growled, holding onto Ryeowook's shoulders and shaking him with an intensity that left Ryeowook confused and angry.
"I'm just being--," Ryeowook started, only to hesitate. What was it that he was about to say? Something about concern, but it sounded too superior, too far from the self-satisfaction he'd felt when he realized that he wasn't the only one. It wasn't sympathy so much as it was...
Selfishness. That was what it was about, but Ryeowook believed he had a little less ill feelings invested in the matter than that, but Sungmin, for all his harsh words or his gentleness made it seem like the most shameful thing Ryeowook had ever done. Was this how Sungmin should treat his blood relative? Somehow, the insensitivity seemed too much, but Ryeowook couldn't stand it if Sungmin blamed him for his own faults. You made me like this, he'd say, and it was the sort of illogical reasoning that he expected from Sungmin. Selfish children rarely had sudden sparks of rationality not limited by their own self-interest, their insufferable, thoughtless greed.
"You can't say it, can you?" Sungmin said, not without a little triumph in his voice, "because you can't swallow the truth."
"You're not the one who's dying," Ryeowook said, voice dangerously low, "you have no idea how it feels."
"Kyuhyun would trust me," Sungmin said, quietly, and Ryeowook felt a flash of irritation in the crack of his knuckles, the snapping of bone.
"I'm not Kyuhyun," Ryeowook reminded him, a hushed, gentle whisper that belied the antagonism in his words, suddenly alert.
"Sometimes, I wish you were," Sungmin said, and Ryeowook said nothing. They were going nowhere at this rate, and Ryeowook would die and Sungmin would still say, You could have been like Kyuhyun, you could have been. Placing blame was easy when he'd practiced it long enough.
How long did it take for Sungmin to claim it as his own, then? It was an art Ryeowook had yet to fashion for himself.
He'd give marigolds to Sungmin. Cruelty and jealousy, but to what end? The absence of mistrust was never without its consequences.
Day/Theme: August 19 / he who travels fastest goes alone
Series: Super Junior
Character/Pairing: Sungmin/Ryeowook
Rating: T
Sungmin wrapped him up in blankets and sang sad love songs into his ear, but Ryeowook couldn't sleep, too lost in the quick stream of half-coherent worries that were starting to take shape in his mind.
"I have to go to town," Ryeowook mumbled, weakly pushing Sungmin away, "gotta get some water for Kyuhyun, I have to..." Have to find someplace safer, have to tell Kyuhyun everything, have to get away from Sungmin's suffocating care, what is truth what is falsehood is this terrorism or just Ryeowook's fears coming to haunt him all over again?
"You can't go out like this, Ryeowookie," Sungmin said, "I'll go out tomorrow, drive to town and pick up a few gallons, I promise. Just go to sleep, okay?"
"No," Ryeowook said, "gotta do it on my own -- I don't know if I can--"
"Stop playing the hero," Sungmin growled, holding onto Ryeowook's shoulders and shaking him with an intensity that left Ryeowook confused and angry.
"I'm just being--," Ryeowook started, only to hesitate. What was it that he was about to say? Something about concern, but it sounded too superior, too far from the self-satisfaction he'd felt when he realized that he wasn't the only one. It wasn't sympathy so much as it was...
Selfishness. That was what it was about, but Ryeowook believed he had a little less ill feelings invested in the matter than that, but Sungmin, for all his harsh words or his gentleness made it seem like the most shameful thing Ryeowook had ever done. Was this how Sungmin should treat his blood relative? Somehow, the insensitivity seemed too much, but Ryeowook couldn't stand it if Sungmin blamed him for his own faults. You made me like this, he'd say, and it was the sort of illogical reasoning that he expected from Sungmin. Selfish children rarely had sudden sparks of rationality not limited by their own self-interest, their insufferable, thoughtless greed.
"You can't say it, can you?" Sungmin said, not without a little triumph in his voice, "because you can't swallow the truth."
"You're not the one who's dying," Ryeowook said, voice dangerously low, "you have no idea how it feels."
"Kyuhyun would trust me," Sungmin said, quietly, and Ryeowook felt a flash of irritation in the crack of his knuckles, the snapping of bone.
"I'm not Kyuhyun," Ryeowook reminded him, a hushed, gentle whisper that belied the antagonism in his words, suddenly alert.
"Sometimes, I wish you were," Sungmin said, and Ryeowook said nothing. They were going nowhere at this rate, and Ryeowook would die and Sungmin would still say, You could have been like Kyuhyun, you could have been. Placing blame was easy when he'd practiced it long enough.
How long did it take for Sungmin to claim it as his own, then? It was an art Ryeowook had yet to fashion for himself.
He'd give marigolds to Sungmin. Cruelty and jealousy, but to what end? The absence of mistrust was never without its consequences.