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31_days2010-08-14 06:53 pm
in-censors.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2010-08-14 06:53 pm
[August 14] [Super Junior] apple blossom
Title: apple blossom
Day/Theme: August 14 / two ways of getting home
Series: Super Junior
Character/Pairing: Kyuhyun/Ryeowook
Rating: T
Ryeowook didn’t expect Kyuhyun to welcome him with open arms, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t hurt when Kyuhyun pulled away abruptly. “You shouldn’t,” Kyuhyun mumbled, and Ryeowook’s lips thinned at the stiffening of Kyuhyun’s muscles, the passivity in his tone.
“Sorry,” Ryeowook said. It seemed like a day for apologies. How many more would he make until the end of their stay, if he even made it back to Seoul alive?
Kyuhyun shook his head, turning back to the sink, and Ryeowook pointedly looked away with some reluctance. “Please don’t tell Sungmin. I don’t want him to worry,” Kyuhyun said, after he’d managed to stop his hands from shaking at the feel of the water from the tap touching his skin. So many things not to tell Sungmin, but Ryeowook’s loyalty didn’t entail letting Sungmin know everything, did it?
Somehow “worry” didn’t seem like the right word Kyuhyun wanted to say. Ryeowook nodded, slowly, and if he noticed the nervous twitch of Kyuhyun’s lips, he didn’t say anything. It didn’t feel right to assume familiarity with Kyuhyun yet, but at least he knew that he wasn’t the only one.
A brief thought he’d buried once floated around his mind. What if, perhaps, Kyuhyun had less time…? What if this was fate’s cruel joke to form some material benefit for Ryeowook himself? But no, there was no use thinking of things like that. Ryeowook had no pretentions of being a kind person, but he still had some humanity left in him, for all his desperation. It didn’t feel right to force his selfish designs on Kyuhyun. He had no right.
It’s such a shame, though, to waste it…
Ryeowook felt like the worst person in the world to even let the thought fester and persist. It sounded like Sungmin’s voice, but perhaps it was only Ryeowook’s subconscious trying to transfer some of his spite to the innocent (ignorant).
Was this how he was supposed to treat a person he loved? Sometimes, the worst part of intimacy was when the little things started to irritate him, and when the guilt demons scratched at the surface of the small, hidden part of himself that he’d never want anyone else to find out. They all had their secrets to keep, their darkness to tame.
“I won’t,” Ryeowook promised, leaning over to touch Kyuhyun’s arm with a gentleness he’d never had for Sungmin, because Sungmin never needed it, never made it seem like it was enough.
He’d grow an apple blossom for Kyuhyun, if he could. There was no way to dictate it, but he could picture it in his mind, when he closed his eyes. He imagined rows and rows of trees littered with flowers and budding leaves in spring. The endless line of trees would point to the north, where he figured Seoul would be, and the gnarled roots would hide human bones, underneath -- small prices to pay for large quantities of life.
He wondered how easy it would it be.
Day/Theme: August 14 / two ways of getting home
Series: Super Junior
Character/Pairing: Kyuhyun/Ryeowook
Rating: T
Ryeowook didn’t expect Kyuhyun to welcome him with open arms, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t hurt when Kyuhyun pulled away abruptly. “You shouldn’t,” Kyuhyun mumbled, and Ryeowook’s lips thinned at the stiffening of Kyuhyun’s muscles, the passivity in his tone.
“Sorry,” Ryeowook said. It seemed like a day for apologies. How many more would he make until the end of their stay, if he even made it back to Seoul alive?
Kyuhyun shook his head, turning back to the sink, and Ryeowook pointedly looked away with some reluctance. “Please don’t tell Sungmin. I don’t want him to worry,” Kyuhyun said, after he’d managed to stop his hands from shaking at the feel of the water from the tap touching his skin. So many things not to tell Sungmin, but Ryeowook’s loyalty didn’t entail letting Sungmin know everything, did it?
Somehow “worry” didn’t seem like the right word Kyuhyun wanted to say. Ryeowook nodded, slowly, and if he noticed the nervous twitch of Kyuhyun’s lips, he didn’t say anything. It didn’t feel right to assume familiarity with Kyuhyun yet, but at least he knew that he wasn’t the only one.
A brief thought he’d buried once floated around his mind. What if, perhaps, Kyuhyun had less time…? What if this was fate’s cruel joke to form some material benefit for Ryeowook himself? But no, there was no use thinking of things like that. Ryeowook had no pretentions of being a kind person, but he still had some humanity left in him, for all his desperation. It didn’t feel right to force his selfish designs on Kyuhyun. He had no right.
It’s such a shame, though, to waste it…
Ryeowook felt like the worst person in the world to even let the thought fester and persist. It sounded like Sungmin’s voice, but perhaps it was only Ryeowook’s subconscious trying to transfer some of his spite to the innocent (ignorant).
Was this how he was supposed to treat a person he loved? Sometimes, the worst part of intimacy was when the little things started to irritate him, and when the guilt demons scratched at the surface of the small, hidden part of himself that he’d never want anyone else to find out. They all had their secrets to keep, their darkness to tame.
“I won’t,” Ryeowook promised, leaning over to touch Kyuhyun’s arm with a gentleness he’d never had for Sungmin, because Sungmin never needed it, never made it seem like it was enough.
He’d grow an apple blossom for Kyuhyun, if he could. There was no way to dictate it, but he could picture it in his mind, when he closed his eyes. He imagined rows and rows of trees littered with flowers and budding leaves in spring. The endless line of trees would point to the north, where he figured Seoul would be, and the gnarled roots would hide human bones, underneath -- small prices to pay for large quantities of life.
He wondered how easy it would it be.