ext_15321 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
laurus-nobilis.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
31_days2010-08-08 10:41 pm
laurus-nobilis.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2010-08-08 10:41 pm
[Aug 8] [xxxHOLiC] Selfishness
Title: Selfishness
Day/Theme: August 8 - escape all that waiting and staying
Series: xxxHOLiC
Pairings: Clow/Yuuko
Rating: G
Words: 408
The more powerful you were, the more limits you had to deal with. Clow had learned that at a relatively young age. He could tweak the future, yes, push things in the right direction, but there were things he couldn't change. There were things he shouldn't change. And then there was the opposite, he discovered. There was the part where, to make up for his mistakes, he had to take matters into his own hands.
In that case, he soon found out, he had even less freedom than before. And he had dragged Yuuko with him into this, too... He would never stop regretting that. He would never stop feeling guilty for not feeling guilty enough, for that selfish part of him that was glad she was still there by his side.
He was a terrible, terrible person. She didn't hate him for what he had done, and in a way that was even worse.
But he couldn't take it back - it was a relief, knowing that, and another proof of his selfishness - and he couldn't run away from the consequences. This was his own fault; he had to fix it. From now on, his path was decided. Both of their fates were. He didn't fool himself trying to think that Yuuko had a choice. He knew perfectly well what she would choose; balance was first. In spite of her childish attitude, when it came to the larger scale she had always been more responsible, more selfless than him.
That was the worst part. He had kept her from dying, yes, but she could not live and it was his doing. He would have wanted to make up for it to her, not just to those who would come after. He had wanted to see worlds with her, all the wonders in the many, many universes. To travel across this world, at least, as he had done in his youth. He wanted, more than anything, for them to get away from all the working and waiting and preparing for a future that would not belong to them.
Clow was very, very good at controlling himself. (It made his one slip all the more painful, for that reason.) He was used to doing what was Right; to putting his duty before himself. But in his heart, and not really that deep down at all, he knew that he was still a selfish man.
He would always be.
Day/Theme: August 8 - escape all that waiting and staying
Series: xxxHOLiC
Pairings: Clow/Yuuko
Rating: G
Words: 408
The more powerful you were, the more limits you had to deal with. Clow had learned that at a relatively young age. He could tweak the future, yes, push things in the right direction, but there were things he couldn't change. There were things he shouldn't change. And then there was the opposite, he discovered. There was the part where, to make up for his mistakes, he had to take matters into his own hands.
In that case, he soon found out, he had even less freedom than before. And he had dragged Yuuko with him into this, too... He would never stop regretting that. He would never stop feeling guilty for not feeling guilty enough, for that selfish part of him that was glad she was still there by his side.
He was a terrible, terrible person. She didn't hate him for what he had done, and in a way that was even worse.
But he couldn't take it back - it was a relief, knowing that, and another proof of his selfishness - and he couldn't run away from the consequences. This was his own fault; he had to fix it. From now on, his path was decided. Both of their fates were. He didn't fool himself trying to think that Yuuko had a choice. He knew perfectly well what she would choose; balance was first. In spite of her childish attitude, when it came to the larger scale she had always been more responsible, more selfless than him.
That was the worst part. He had kept her from dying, yes, but she could not live and it was his doing. He would have wanted to make up for it to her, not just to those who would come after. He had wanted to see worlds with her, all the wonders in the many, many universes. To travel across this world, at least, as he had done in his youth. He wanted, more than anything, for them to get away from all the working and waiting and preparing for a future that would not belong to them.
Clow was very, very good at controlling himself. (It made his one slip all the more painful, for that reason.) He was used to doing what was Right; to putting his duty before himself. But in his heart, and not really that deep down at all, he knew that he was still a selfish man.
He would always be.