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31_days2010-04-11 04:33 pm
seta-suzume.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2010-04-11 04:33 pm
[April 11] [Original] Divine Mercy Sunday
Title: Divine Mercy Sunday
Day/Theme: April 11, 2010 "I can help you cry"
Series: Original (Navigator)
Character/Pairing: Julian & Stuart
Rating: PG
I was holding it in again. I wasn't about to keep on wasting my life with foolish crying. I wasn't a crier. I wasn't a child. I was stronger than that. You, on the other hand. The things you'd say. The excuses you'd give. "Divine Mercy Sunday." You were so reckless with your emotions. They flowed and flooded around you in plain sight for anyone who wanted to observe them. I'd grown up seeing the doctor hold in his feelings. Assuming he had any. I'd grown up cold. And I was attracted to you and hated you at the same time for being so open. For being warm.
What's the use of warmth anyway, you selfish, reckless, dangerous being?
-----
I didn't want to see you cry to pain you. I wanted to help you. I wanted to see that you still could. Not because I didn't think you could, but because I don't think you thought so. Didn't anyone ever tell you how important it is? Self-confidence? Somehow, did I hurt you? Was I accidentally too hard on you? I knew you were weak, but you seemed unable to accept weakness.
To the weak, I became weak. That was what I intended, but I wasn't as good as my word. Or, rather, I didn't know how to carry out my intentions as well as I conceived of them. I needed some advice, I suppose, that at that time I wasn't able to get. I could only pray that my foolishness hadn't damaged you further than when we first met. ...It didn't did it? Oh, foolish me. Deluded me. I try not to waste much time on self-pity.
Tell me I didn't fail. I'll tell you, "It's okay to cry."
Day/Theme: April 11, 2010 "I can help you cry"
Series: Original (Navigator)
Character/Pairing: Julian & Stuart
Rating: PG
I was holding it in again. I wasn't about to keep on wasting my life with foolish crying. I wasn't a crier. I wasn't a child. I was stronger than that. You, on the other hand. The things you'd say. The excuses you'd give. "Divine Mercy Sunday." You were so reckless with your emotions. They flowed and flooded around you in plain sight for anyone who wanted to observe them. I'd grown up seeing the doctor hold in his feelings. Assuming he had any. I'd grown up cold. And I was attracted to you and hated you at the same time for being so open. For being warm.
What's the use of warmth anyway, you selfish, reckless, dangerous being?
-----
I didn't want to see you cry to pain you. I wanted to help you. I wanted to see that you still could. Not because I didn't think you could, but because I don't think you thought so. Didn't anyone ever tell you how important it is? Self-confidence? Somehow, did I hurt you? Was I accidentally too hard on you? I knew you were weak, but you seemed unable to accept weakness.
To the weak, I became weak. That was what I intended, but I wasn't as good as my word. Or, rather, I didn't know how to carry out my intentions as well as I conceived of them. I needed some advice, I suppose, that at that time I wasn't able to get. I could only pray that my foolishness hadn't damaged you further than when we first met. ...It didn't did it? Oh, foolish me. Deluded me. I try not to waste much time on self-pity.
Tell me I didn't fail. I'll tell you, "It's okay to cry."