31_days | [March 26] [Naruto] [2/4] fingers linked through the fence

Title: fingers linked through the fence

Day/Theme: 26. Happiness is being sad together.

Series: Naruto

Character/Pairing: SasuSaku

Rating: G/K

Note: This one's for paradoxrambling, who dropped me a lovely comment in fanfic_no_jutsu.

Cross-posted on FanFiction.net and to fanfic_no_jutsu, sakura_chyan, and naruto_fanworks

Today is like any other day that we spend together. Naruto left a while ago and I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with Sasuke. I really like Naruto―as a friend, of course―but I guess I just love Sasuke more.

[i suppose i think that understating it will make my heart stop aching]

We sit, like always.

We stay silent today.

Had I seen anything wrong about him, I would have comforted him. But I'm selfish. And it's hard to see anything wrong when he's so good at hiding his emotions.

It makes me angry sometimes, and I wish Sasuke would feel anything other than his usual muted ones. I wonder if he could ever be really angry, pissed-off-angry like I get so often. I wonder if he can feel happier than his shallow content.

[but it's not for me to judge when i of all people should know how much feeling hurts]

There is something restless in me today. I'm almost sad, but I can't be. I promised myself that, as long as I'm with him, I won't feel sad.

I refuse to.

[there is plenty of time for that later, for half-awake thoughts and depression past 2am]

So I stare at him and drown in my thoughts. Of course, he's all I think about. Somehow, some way, Sasuke's become almost everything to me. But I can't tell him. And I don't think I will.

I still remember last time, and futility is a pretty word but an ugly trait.

[i daydream up rejections and disgust and―

"oh. you like me."

―and never ever seeing him again.

to me, this is reality exaggerated only by a little bit]

I can't keep my thoughts from turning dark, and it's far easier to break promises to yourself.

I think that, maybe, as long as I don't show it, it's okay.

[as long as i don't cry]

The seconds tick away and I'm [almost] disappointed. Something could be happening right now, but I'm over here and Sasuke's over there and the random topics I used to be so proud of escape me.

And that is when he speaks.

"I have something to tell."

[it is awkward-sounding, disjointed―so, so him]

"Tell who?"

"My friends. You guys."

"...tell us what?"

[there's a first time for everything including hesitance and he was always better at being blunt]

He takes a breath.

"Itachi left."

"What?"

[shock, disbelief, and i'm-sorry-but-i-don't-know-what-to-say in my voice]

"He left. He's been talking about it to his friends for two months, and he had some big arguments with Mom and Dad. But I didn't know until recently."

He shrugs, like that simple motion makes it better, makes it okay. It might prove that he doesn't care after all, that he's as indifferent as he likes to pretend he is.

I know better.

It comes to mind that we went to Sasuke's place less than two months ago and Itachi even offered to order food...and suddenly, I feel horrible.

"Oh. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I've accepted it."

I don't know how much I believe him. I do know that if he's lying, he's hurting. And I would never want that.

I also know that, despite being with him, I've definitely been happier. So I decide that this―just sitting here―is okay, because misery loves company and I'm using that word again.

[this could ruin]

In the end, we do just that. We sit together, and I hope my proximity comforts him somehow. I have a bittersweet smile as I wonder whether he'll ever see how I look at him. And he has a blank face, likely thinking about Itachi.

Together, even deep in our own different emotional pain, maybe we can feel some kind of happy.

[we part. i hope we meet again]