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31_days2009-10-27 03:34 pm
seta-suzume.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2009-10-27 03:34 pm
[Oct. 27] [Original] Everything was a Mistake
Title: Everything was a Mistake
Day/Theme: Oct. 27, 2009 "I've squandered all these years"
Series: Original
Character/Pairing: Jin Rembrandt, Prince Saraki
Rating: PG-13
I stood up and looked down at the enemy surrounding the castle walls. I looked back at Saraki. He was trembling. Even in his royal finery, he looked so small and weak. I was lying to myself, saying that he was anything but a boy at this point. I had only hoped that I could step in and fill that void of power until he really became a man and could rule on his own. I had thought I could make him a man with my guidance and a little bit of experience. I had let myself become deluded by my feelings toward him. I had managed to fail miserably. We were losing this battle. Each time I had fought without my heart involved, I had won. Now that I was swamped with emotion, I found my judgment horribly impaired. Perhaps this conundrum was what had led to my grandfather's retirement from the field of strategy so many years ago. He would not sacrifice his heart for victory. For me, it might be too late.
"Jin," the prince addressed me, his voice soft with fear. He was trying to hold back in my presence. He did not want me to see him in his weakness. I had seen him in enough hard spots already. Even one more was too much. He was taking our failures hard. He had no experience with war and for his first one to go so badly was quite a blow. "...Are we going to back down? I'm... I hate to say this, but I'm scared. Really scared. Is it possible for us to back down now? What's going to happen to you? ...To me?"
Was I wrong to do this? To try and make Saraki into everything he could be? Was I self-serving, not selfless like I had believed? Had I ever asked Saraki what he wanted for himself? Had I only just believed what I wanted to believe? Why was I having this bad feeling all of a sudden? ...Was everything I had ever done all one big mistake?
I shuddered with a heavy blow, staggering forward. I clutched at my chest and gasped, blood flying free from between my lips. Blood. I could feel it on my hand as well. Pain, shearing through my chest. Saraki had fallen to his knees in shock. He was afraid of blood. He was doing his best to look away. There was an arrow in my back. At least that was what it felt like. It hurt. It hurt a lot. And I was bleeding much more than my previous experiences would've lead me to expect. I was coughing out blood. That was a bad sign. A really bad sign. ...Why had I been standing up in front of the enemy like that anyway?
...Why did I have to go regretting everything I did?
I could've done so much better. My life... What a waste...
Day/Theme: Oct. 27, 2009 "I've squandered all these years"
Series: Original
Character/Pairing: Jin Rembrandt, Prince Saraki
Rating: PG-13
I stood up and looked down at the enemy surrounding the castle walls. I looked back at Saraki. He was trembling. Even in his royal finery, he looked so small and weak. I was lying to myself, saying that he was anything but a boy at this point. I had only hoped that I could step in and fill that void of power until he really became a man and could rule on his own. I had thought I could make him a man with my guidance and a little bit of experience. I had let myself become deluded by my feelings toward him. I had managed to fail miserably. We were losing this battle. Each time I had fought without my heart involved, I had won. Now that I was swamped with emotion, I found my judgment horribly impaired. Perhaps this conundrum was what had led to my grandfather's retirement from the field of strategy so many years ago. He would not sacrifice his heart for victory. For me, it might be too late.
"Jin," the prince addressed me, his voice soft with fear. He was trying to hold back in my presence. He did not want me to see him in his weakness. I had seen him in enough hard spots already. Even one more was too much. He was taking our failures hard. He had no experience with war and for his first one to go so badly was quite a blow. "...Are we going to back down? I'm... I hate to say this, but I'm scared. Really scared. Is it possible for us to back down now? What's going to happen to you? ...To me?"
Was I wrong to do this? To try and make Saraki into everything he could be? Was I self-serving, not selfless like I had believed? Had I ever asked Saraki what he wanted for himself? Had I only just believed what I wanted to believe? Why was I having this bad feeling all of a sudden? ...Was everything I had ever done all one big mistake?
I shuddered with a heavy blow, staggering forward. I clutched at my chest and gasped, blood flying free from between my lips. Blood. I could feel it on my hand as well. Pain, shearing through my chest. Saraki had fallen to his knees in shock. He was afraid of blood. He was doing his best to look away. There was an arrow in my back. At least that was what it felt like. It hurt. It hurt a lot. And I was bleeding much more than my previous experiences would've lead me to expect. I was coughing out blood. That was a bad sign. A really bad sign. ...Why had I been standing up in front of the enemy like that anyway?
...Why did I have to go regretting everything I did?
I could've done so much better. My life... What a waste...