September 13 (Skip Beat) History

[smakn.livejournal.com]

Title: History
Day/Theme: Sept 13 // a short history of nearly nothing
Series: Skip Beat
Character/Pairing: Kyoko
Summary: She can't connect herself with that girl from that past, can't take that history and make it hers.
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Kyoko doesn't know herself. Not at all, not even in the smallest sense (except for the anger and the hate and the memories of a boy who was a fairy.)  She once thought she knew herself, knew what she wanted with life and how to get it. The future was a straight road and she knew how she got to where she was.

Then Sho turned her world upside down and she can't shift through the debris, can't find the parts that were hers to begin with. She remembers beating him on sunny days, the white birdie hidden in the blinding sun, but did she practice for him? The meals she cooked, the postures she practiced, the techniques she memorized into her body until her hands were bruised and bloody. These small things that peppered her life, filling up each moment so she didn't have to think of her  mother, all of them were done for him. (Maybe if I'm good, I can stay with him. Maybe if I'm perfect, he will stay with me.)

All of them for him and none of it her.

Her history, the parts that define a person, is an empty slate, a blank book, an uncharted map. She sometimes looks at it, as if to try and puzzle out what the picture is, but in the mirror she only sees a stranger. She's like Peter Pan, except reversed, someone who suddenly became a grown-up.

It bothers her.

(She grabs her cool rock, the blue standing out in her skin, and thinks, at least this is hers.)
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