31_days | [Jan. 28, 2009] [Buffy the Vampire Slayer] Her

Title: Her
Day/Theme: Casually smashed to pieces.
Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Character/Pairing: Spike. Buffy.
Warnings: After As You Were.
Spoilers: Season six and five.
Rating: PG-13

Falling for the slayer hadn't been part of the plan.

[It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. You're beneath me.]

Drunk off his ass and giggling to himself inanely. Another woman in another time.

[You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.]

Is he cursed? This isn't the first time, nor he suspect will it be the last.

[I can still see her, floating all around you! Laughing! Why? Why won't you push her away? I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes.]

They reject him, throw him away casually, as if he was just a temporary amusement. Than again, not even Cecily had given him that. At least Buffy and Dru had given him something. He was a vampire for crying out loud. Why was this bothering him so much? He was the big bad, Spike, who had once wielded railroad stakes like they were thumbtacks, pinning his victims. Where had it gone wrong?

[I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry, William.]

He hadn't minded, honestly. He just needed something and what they had benefited them both. He'd enjoyed it, reveled in it, hell, he'd - God, the slayer. It went against everything he was, he didn't even have a soul. Dru had been right and he hadn't even known it. Not until recently.