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31_days2008-11-17 10:22 pm
issen4.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2008-11-17 10:22 pm
[Nov 17] [Initial D/Prince of Tennis/Hikago] Slip Roads 17/31
Title: Slip Roads 17/31
Day/Theme: 17 Nov/a slow escalation of yearning
Series: Initial D/Prince of Tennis/Hikago
Character/Pairing: previous Takahashi Ryousuke/Fuji Yuuta
Rating: PG-13, references to incest between brothers
--------------------
He knew that nothing good ever came out of the words, but still, he said, "We have to talk."
Keisuke was on the way out again, Ryousuke could see. The FD was sparkling clean, though the tyres showed clear evidence of hard driving, proof that Keisuke had been racing in the days--nights--that he had been back in Japan. But to Ryousuke's words he made no response. His back was stiff, as though he was holding himself rigidly and trying not to hear.
With only a bit of effort, Ryousuke could easily imagine that this was the same, rebellious Keisuke that he had pulled away from the motorcycle gang. But then a maple leaf drifted near Keisuke's face, causing him to turn his head to one side to avoid it, and the illusion was broken. Keisuke was no child.
"Keisuke," he said when there was still no reply.
"Come after me if you really want to talk," Keisuke said, and got into his car.
"Kei-" Ryousuke stopped himself, his mind going into its usual analytical mode. It was not as though he could have this talk with Keisuke in the house anyway. Touya might know what lay between them, but Ryousuke had the impression that he had not told anyone else, and he was not ready to risk their conversation being overheard. Somewhere on this mountain, there would be a place they could talk. He ran for his own car, preparing to chase Keisuke.
It was late afternoon but already the sky was changing, full of rich oranges and indigo. Dusk came early for those who lived in mountain valleys. A shower of maple leaves floated past Ryousuke in a red shower as he turned out of their driveway, reaching unerringly for the road behind Keisuke. Somehow the urgency of autumn seemed to spur Ryousuke on more fiercely than ever, and he pressed his foot to the gas pedal, feeling the momentum building up inside him.
Speeding was a boyish joy that he would never tire of, as long as he was alive, Ryousuke thought. Oh, he dressed it up with computer simulations to find the best way to boost a car's perform, and he had run numerous tests on engines, tyres, fuel types, but the real thrill was always driving, by himself, as fast as he could.
He knew where Keisuke was going. They had an old gathering place halfway up Mt Akagi, back when they were just starting Red Suns. It was there that he had taught Keisuke how to drive--really drive--and how to win races. Keisuke's career had really started there, and Ryousuke wasn't going to be beaten in a race there.
He drifted into a corner, pulling up much faster than he usually did as he exited the corner, letting himself jump into the next straight stretch. A trick he learnt from Fujiwara, well worth learning because he soon caught sight of the tail of Keisuke's FD, its brake lights flashing as Keisuke executed his own drift into the next corner, so fast that it would have made an onlooker blink.
But Ryousuke was no mere onlooker and he had his own set of tricks. In a race, he preferred to stay close to his opponent and observe the other's techniques, searching for weaknesses that could be exploited. He pulled up behind Keisuke, not bothering to overtake at a time when it could still be risky, contented to observe. Keisuke had always been impetuous, and while Ryousuke hoped that his experience abroad had helped him to grow out of that, there was just that little bit that only a brother could tease out... there.
Unwillingly, he could feel a smile grow on his lips. If there was one thing about Keisuke he had truly missed, through the years, it was this: the two of them on the mountain roads racing paths that only the most dedicated racers on this mountain knew--every twist and bend, even the smallest potholes on the oldest stretches. The way trees would provide cover if he swerved to the right, preventing an opponent from catching his actions. He could feel it excitement rising inside him, despite his trepidation for the reason behind the race. This was when he felt the closest to his brother, when he felt he could safely yearn to have Keisuke close by, so they could race like this.
But he also had his pride as the White Comet to keep up, Ryousuke thought.
The danger of being a professional driver was that after a while, one stopped expecting to be passed on the right. A circuit driver only went round and round in the same direction, and left openings that he was not even aware of. Ryousuke had exploited that weakness in Project D against professional drivers, and even warned Fujiwara and Keisuke about it. The irony was that he was about to use it against Keisuke. With a breath of effort, he passed Keisuke, watching the car fall back in his rearview mirror, before he signalled right--the small unused path to the old gathering place.
He had barely closed his car door when Keisuke drove up, and pointedly stopped a good distance from Ryousuke.
The place was a dead end that had been created when newer, better mountain roads were built, half gravel and half asphalt. Some young couples had used it as a trysting place, judging from the tyre marks and flattened grass. Ryousuke watched as Keisuke reluctantly walked nearer, and on impulse, he asked, "How are your races doing?"
Keisuke frowned. "You didn't bring me here to talk about my racing."
There were times when he and Keisuke could talk all day about racing, the cars they'd drive and the best way to focus while racing a strong opponent, but it seemed that Keisuke didn't want to talk about anything like that now. Was it because he was not a professional? Ryousuke mused. But he said out loud, "That's right."
Keisuke got closer, his hands now firmly in his jeans pocket. "Then talk."
Ryousuke's gaze went to the way Keisuke was holding himself: his back slightly hunched, as though he already expected what Ryousuke was about to say. He found himself comparing it to the way Keisuke had looked when he came home--alive with hope and confident about everything. To compare it with the way Keisuke looked now--it was a sign that more than enough time had passed. "I tricked you four years ago," he said.
The bewilderment on Keisuke's face was eloquent. "What?"
"I wondered if you knew," Ryousuke said, half to himself, then told himself it was truly time to confess, rather than manipulate Keisuke's actions again. "The offer from Australia." It had been an incredible offer, much too fast actually, for Keisuke's level at the time. If Ryousuke had been planning a perfect racing career for Keisuke, he would have advised Keisuke to start with a Japan team and train in the country first. But he had chosen to throw Keisuke into the deep end of the pool.
"You said it was an incredible opportunity."
"It was," Ryousuke said. "But you were unprepared for it. You shouldn't have accepted it."
"What? But I-"
"I remember, you were considering another offer at the time. It would have been better for you. But I wanted you out of Japan."
"...Aniki?"
"With Project D coming to an end, I was preparing to give up racing. But you were not ready to give up." On me, he meant to say. "I knew that the longer you stayed, one day I would weaken, and we would be committing a great... wrong." He drew a breath. "Remember the fight we had about why I wanted to become a doctor?"
"Yes."
"I used that to push you to take the Australia offer."
Keisuke was quiet, and if Ryousuke's deductions were right, he was seeing the events of that day in another light. "You did that so that I would break up with you."
"Yes."
"You bastard." He didn't hear the steps, but Keisuke was in front of him, his face flushed with rage.
Ryousuke closed his eyes briefly. The last thing he ever wanted was for Keisuke to hate him. "It worked," he said.
Keisuke's hands gripped his shoulders painfully. "Damn it, Aniki! You know how I felt! No one else came close. I've met so many people in Australia, but I never desired them. I only thought of you."
Ryousuke shook his head, and pushed himself free from Keisuke's arms. "I'm sorry. It's something not meant to be. We're brothers, Keisuke!"
"You're just scared," Keisuke said. "Scared of what other people will say. Sacred to go after what you really want. Are you really the big brother that I respected so much when I was a kid?" He raised his chin as though in challenge, daring Ryousuke to contradict him.
"I'm still your big brother," Ryousuke said firmly. "And that's all I'll ever be," he went on, watching the tendrils of fear unfolding behind Keisuke's eyes as he continue to speak, crushing his hopes. "I can't love you as a lover, Keisuke. Nor do I want to. You deserve someone better... and something better than a scandal that would wreck your career... and your life." He reached out and pressed his fingers very gently to Keisuke's cheek.
Keisuke slapped his fingers away.
"Don't give me that bullshit!" Keisuke said.
Ryousuke closed his hand in a fist, not wanting to drag it on any longer. There had to be something else, something that could push Keisuke away once and for all. He stepped back as though to distance himself. "I'm in love with someone else, Keisuke," he said.
Keisuke's eyes widened.
This would work where nothing else would, Ryousuke observed, firmly repressing his reluctance to hurt Keisuke further. He kept the picture of Fuji Syusuke stroking Yuuta's neck in his mind, forcing himself to remember the tenderness of that gesture--and the poison in it. Strange, that it had taken him this long to see it.
"You're just saying that," Keisuke whispered.
Ryousuke shook his head, watching hurt spread across Keisuke's face, as though he had been shot. "I've never said anything through the years, and I always thought it was because I wanted to be sure of my feelings before taking such a big step. But now I realise," Ryousuke paused in surprise to find that he was speaking the truth now, "that it was because a part of me still hoped that things between you and I... would work out somehow."
Keisuke stepped forward, his eyes lighting up with desperate hope. "It could, Aniki! We could still-" He stopped when Ryousuke shook his head. "You've given up on us."
"Yes. I've finally given up on something that had no chance of surviving in the first place. I'm only ashamed that it took me so long to understand." So much for his vaunted sense of reasoning! "I'm sorry, Keisuke," he said, and realised he had never thought of the need to apologise for manipulating Keisuke until now.
Keisuke was quiet for a very long time. "Is it Fujiwara?" he asked finally.
The bottom fell from Ryousuke's stomach. "W-what?"
"The person you love. Is it Fujiwara?" Keisuke looked at him, both fists clenched. "You've always noticed him more than me, when we were in Project D. I know you even sent him flowers once."
Roses, Ryousuke thought irrelevantly. Out loud, he said, "Fujiwara's just a friend." He did not want Keisuke's jealousy directed at Fujiwara.
"Oh, right," Keisuke sneered. "And I suppose he and you haven't been sneaking around my back while I was in Australia-"
"Keisuke!" Ryousuke was torn between anger and a sense of the ridiculous that he and Fujiwara had been placed in the roles of an adulterous couple. "He's not- I mean, he likes girls."
The silence after that was deafening, one that was finally broken by a choked-up sound that could be anything between a sob and a chuckle from Keisuke. Ryousuke reached towards him instinctively, but Keisuke's voice checked him in mid-reach.
"What am I supposed to do now?" Keisuke asked. "I've been biding my time all these years, waiting for the right moment to come back, and make you realise that we were meant to be. I waited until I couldn't help myself anymore. But now you say that it's impossible between us."
"Keisuke..."
"You're a piece of work, Takahashi Ryousuke," Keisuke spat. He got into his car and drove away.
(tbc)
Day/Theme: 17 Nov/a slow escalation of yearning
Series: Initial D/Prince of Tennis/Hikago
Character/Pairing: previous Takahashi Ryousuke/Fuji Yuuta
Rating: PG-13, references to incest between brothers
--------------------
He knew that nothing good ever came out of the words, but still, he said, "We have to talk."
Keisuke was on the way out again, Ryousuke could see. The FD was sparkling clean, though the tyres showed clear evidence of hard driving, proof that Keisuke had been racing in the days--nights--that he had been back in Japan. But to Ryousuke's words he made no response. His back was stiff, as though he was holding himself rigidly and trying not to hear.
With only a bit of effort, Ryousuke could easily imagine that this was the same, rebellious Keisuke that he had pulled away from the motorcycle gang. But then a maple leaf drifted near Keisuke's face, causing him to turn his head to one side to avoid it, and the illusion was broken. Keisuke was no child.
"Keisuke," he said when there was still no reply.
"Come after me if you really want to talk," Keisuke said, and got into his car.
"Kei-" Ryousuke stopped himself, his mind going into its usual analytical mode. It was not as though he could have this talk with Keisuke in the house anyway. Touya might know what lay between them, but Ryousuke had the impression that he had not told anyone else, and he was not ready to risk their conversation being overheard. Somewhere on this mountain, there would be a place they could talk. He ran for his own car, preparing to chase Keisuke.
It was late afternoon but already the sky was changing, full of rich oranges and indigo. Dusk came early for those who lived in mountain valleys. A shower of maple leaves floated past Ryousuke in a red shower as he turned out of their driveway, reaching unerringly for the road behind Keisuke. Somehow the urgency of autumn seemed to spur Ryousuke on more fiercely than ever, and he pressed his foot to the gas pedal, feeling the momentum building up inside him.
Speeding was a boyish joy that he would never tire of, as long as he was alive, Ryousuke thought. Oh, he dressed it up with computer simulations to find the best way to boost a car's perform, and he had run numerous tests on engines, tyres, fuel types, but the real thrill was always driving, by himself, as fast as he could.
He knew where Keisuke was going. They had an old gathering place halfway up Mt Akagi, back when they were just starting Red Suns. It was there that he had taught Keisuke how to drive--really drive--and how to win races. Keisuke's career had really started there, and Ryousuke wasn't going to be beaten in a race there.
He drifted into a corner, pulling up much faster than he usually did as he exited the corner, letting himself jump into the next straight stretch. A trick he learnt from Fujiwara, well worth learning because he soon caught sight of the tail of Keisuke's FD, its brake lights flashing as Keisuke executed his own drift into the next corner, so fast that it would have made an onlooker blink.
But Ryousuke was no mere onlooker and he had his own set of tricks. In a race, he preferred to stay close to his opponent and observe the other's techniques, searching for weaknesses that could be exploited. He pulled up behind Keisuke, not bothering to overtake at a time when it could still be risky, contented to observe. Keisuke had always been impetuous, and while Ryousuke hoped that his experience abroad had helped him to grow out of that, there was just that little bit that only a brother could tease out... there.
Unwillingly, he could feel a smile grow on his lips. If there was one thing about Keisuke he had truly missed, through the years, it was this: the two of them on the mountain roads racing paths that only the most dedicated racers on this mountain knew--every twist and bend, even the smallest potholes on the oldest stretches. The way trees would provide cover if he swerved to the right, preventing an opponent from catching his actions. He could feel it excitement rising inside him, despite his trepidation for the reason behind the race. This was when he felt the closest to his brother, when he felt he could safely yearn to have Keisuke close by, so they could race like this.
But he also had his pride as the White Comet to keep up, Ryousuke thought.
The danger of being a professional driver was that after a while, one stopped expecting to be passed on the right. A circuit driver only went round and round in the same direction, and left openings that he was not even aware of. Ryousuke had exploited that weakness in Project D against professional drivers, and even warned Fujiwara and Keisuke about it. The irony was that he was about to use it against Keisuke. With a breath of effort, he passed Keisuke, watching the car fall back in his rearview mirror, before he signalled right--the small unused path to the old gathering place.
He had barely closed his car door when Keisuke drove up, and pointedly stopped a good distance from Ryousuke.
The place was a dead end that had been created when newer, better mountain roads were built, half gravel and half asphalt. Some young couples had used it as a trysting place, judging from the tyre marks and flattened grass. Ryousuke watched as Keisuke reluctantly walked nearer, and on impulse, he asked, "How are your races doing?"
Keisuke frowned. "You didn't bring me here to talk about my racing."
There were times when he and Keisuke could talk all day about racing, the cars they'd drive and the best way to focus while racing a strong opponent, but it seemed that Keisuke didn't want to talk about anything like that now. Was it because he was not a professional? Ryousuke mused. But he said out loud, "That's right."
Keisuke got closer, his hands now firmly in his jeans pocket. "Then talk."
Ryousuke's gaze went to the way Keisuke was holding himself: his back slightly hunched, as though he already expected what Ryousuke was about to say. He found himself comparing it to the way Keisuke had looked when he came home--alive with hope and confident about everything. To compare it with the way Keisuke looked now--it was a sign that more than enough time had passed. "I tricked you four years ago," he said.
The bewilderment on Keisuke's face was eloquent. "What?"
"I wondered if you knew," Ryousuke said, half to himself, then told himself it was truly time to confess, rather than manipulate Keisuke's actions again. "The offer from Australia." It had been an incredible offer, much too fast actually, for Keisuke's level at the time. If Ryousuke had been planning a perfect racing career for Keisuke, he would have advised Keisuke to start with a Japan team and train in the country first. But he had chosen to throw Keisuke into the deep end of the pool.
"You said it was an incredible opportunity."
"It was," Ryousuke said. "But you were unprepared for it. You shouldn't have accepted it."
"What? But I-"
"I remember, you were considering another offer at the time. It would have been better for you. But I wanted you out of Japan."
"...Aniki?"
"With Project D coming to an end, I was preparing to give up racing. But you were not ready to give up." On me, he meant to say. "I knew that the longer you stayed, one day I would weaken, and we would be committing a great... wrong." He drew a breath. "Remember the fight we had about why I wanted to become a doctor?"
"Yes."
"I used that to push you to take the Australia offer."
Keisuke was quiet, and if Ryousuke's deductions were right, he was seeing the events of that day in another light. "You did that so that I would break up with you."
"Yes."
"You bastard." He didn't hear the steps, but Keisuke was in front of him, his face flushed with rage.
Ryousuke closed his eyes briefly. The last thing he ever wanted was for Keisuke to hate him. "It worked," he said.
Keisuke's hands gripped his shoulders painfully. "Damn it, Aniki! You know how I felt! No one else came close. I've met so many people in Australia, but I never desired them. I only thought of you."
Ryousuke shook his head, and pushed himself free from Keisuke's arms. "I'm sorry. It's something not meant to be. We're brothers, Keisuke!"
"You're just scared," Keisuke said. "Scared of what other people will say. Sacred to go after what you really want. Are you really the big brother that I respected so much when I was a kid?" He raised his chin as though in challenge, daring Ryousuke to contradict him.
"I'm still your big brother," Ryousuke said firmly. "And that's all I'll ever be," he went on, watching the tendrils of fear unfolding behind Keisuke's eyes as he continue to speak, crushing his hopes. "I can't love you as a lover, Keisuke. Nor do I want to. You deserve someone better... and something better than a scandal that would wreck your career... and your life." He reached out and pressed his fingers very gently to Keisuke's cheek.
Keisuke slapped his fingers away.
"Don't give me that bullshit!" Keisuke said.
Ryousuke closed his hand in a fist, not wanting to drag it on any longer. There had to be something else, something that could push Keisuke away once and for all. He stepped back as though to distance himself. "I'm in love with someone else, Keisuke," he said.
Keisuke's eyes widened.
This would work where nothing else would, Ryousuke observed, firmly repressing his reluctance to hurt Keisuke further. He kept the picture of Fuji Syusuke stroking Yuuta's neck in his mind, forcing himself to remember the tenderness of that gesture--and the poison in it. Strange, that it had taken him this long to see it.
"You're just saying that," Keisuke whispered.
Ryousuke shook his head, watching hurt spread across Keisuke's face, as though he had been shot. "I've never said anything through the years, and I always thought it was because I wanted to be sure of my feelings before taking such a big step. But now I realise," Ryousuke paused in surprise to find that he was speaking the truth now, "that it was because a part of me still hoped that things between you and I... would work out somehow."
Keisuke stepped forward, his eyes lighting up with desperate hope. "It could, Aniki! We could still-" He stopped when Ryousuke shook his head. "You've given up on us."
"Yes. I've finally given up on something that had no chance of surviving in the first place. I'm only ashamed that it took me so long to understand." So much for his vaunted sense of reasoning! "I'm sorry, Keisuke," he said, and realised he had never thought of the need to apologise for manipulating Keisuke until now.
Keisuke was quiet for a very long time. "Is it Fujiwara?" he asked finally.
The bottom fell from Ryousuke's stomach. "W-what?"
"The person you love. Is it Fujiwara?" Keisuke looked at him, both fists clenched. "You've always noticed him more than me, when we were in Project D. I know you even sent him flowers once."
Roses, Ryousuke thought irrelevantly. Out loud, he said, "Fujiwara's just a friend." He did not want Keisuke's jealousy directed at Fujiwara.
"Oh, right," Keisuke sneered. "And I suppose he and you haven't been sneaking around my back while I was in Australia-"
"Keisuke!" Ryousuke was torn between anger and a sense of the ridiculous that he and Fujiwara had been placed in the roles of an adulterous couple. "He's not- I mean, he likes girls."
The silence after that was deafening, one that was finally broken by a choked-up sound that could be anything between a sob and a chuckle from Keisuke. Ryousuke reached towards him instinctively, but Keisuke's voice checked him in mid-reach.
"What am I supposed to do now?" Keisuke asked. "I've been biding my time all these years, waiting for the right moment to come back, and make you realise that we were meant to be. I waited until I couldn't help myself anymore. But now you say that it's impossible between us."
"Keisuke..."
"You're a piece of work, Takahashi Ryousuke," Keisuke spat. He got into his car and drove away.
(tbc)