Oct 14 (Bleach) Hidden Demons

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Title: Hidden Demons
Fandom: Bleach
Character/Pairing: Orihime, Tatsuki/slight IchiOri, IchiRuki
Date/Theme:  Oct 14/the girl in question
Rating: K+
Summery: There were feelings Orihime tried to supress; feelings of love (she failed at that), feelings of anger, feelings of insecurity, and most of all feelings of jealousy.
Warnings: I have not read this series in a while and am currently in chapter 209. Therefore, if this is not accurate, it is now an AU story. And it doesn't fully follow the theme, but 'the girl in question' is Orihime and uh...I'm a third person writing about her?
*fails*
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1.

"Orihime," Tatsuki called out from the classroom, "You're going to be late."

"Coming," Orihime replied, running quickly across the nearly empty courtyard. Only straggelers were there still, people who didn't care whether or not they were late to class. There was only a few minutes left, that much Orihime knew without looking at a clock, and more likely than not she'd end up late.

If she was lucky, though, she'd end up reaching the door in time. That would mean speed though and she was never the fastest in the pack.

(That was reserved for Tatsuki; Tatsuki the strong, Tatsuki the brave, Tatsuki the amazing. That was what her friend was, someone who could take the smallest words and turn them into a threat, someone who could take a weapon and transform it into a useless metal object.)

"Hurry up," Tatsuki yelled again and Orihime disappeared into the building. Quickly, she tried to climb up the stairs to their homeroom.

(If Tatsuki was here, she'd be a whole flight ahead of her. One time Orihime timed her, in order to see if the strong girl could compete in a race.

Orihime was also timed. She was seven minutes slower.)

A bell sounded somewhere and she knew that it was too late.

She dashed down the halls, dodging people with quick 'sorrys' escaping her mouth and apologetic waves.

"Finally," Tatsuki said, pulling the girl inside, "You're lucky he's late today."

Orihime said nothing, panting slightly. She would never be fast enough when she was with Tatsuki.

2.

At night, when she was alone, Orihime sometimes had nightmares. They weren't always bad, sometimes just enough for her to wake up sweating and without a memory of what scared her.

Other times there was a monster that left her terrified of closing her eyes for days. She didn't like those dreams, dreams where long nails clawed at her head and blood splattered down her shirt.

(Nii-san! Come back!)

She didn't like them at all and therefore didn't talk about them. Maybe if she forgot about those dreams, they'd eventually disappear. Maybe if she didn't think of them, she would become a stronger person, strong enough that she didn't need protecting all the time.

After those nightmares, all it would take was a single glare, a pull of her hair, or a harsh voice and Orihime's knees would start to shake.

Go away! She wanted to yell, Disappear!

It would take her a few moments to realize those weren't the monsters from her sleep, just real people trying to talk to her.

Luckily they never noticed.

Tatsuki knew a little about the dreams. She knew about the milder nightmares and she could tell the signs of when her friend was suffering from the worse ones. There would be small bags under the grey (grey like the clouds in the sky, grey like the mood Orihime was in) eyes and her smile was smaller than usual. The wierd ideas she had were crazier than normal and there was no shy looks at Ichigo.

All Tatsuki could do those days was to wait until the dark blue returned to Orihime's eyes. Orihime had refused to reveal details about those dreams no matter what others said.

She didn't know how to explain the memories of dark laughter and floating hair, the memories of fingernails raking her scalp and the sharp edges of a knife. She didn't want to explain the warm, wet body, the crushing pressure, the screams and sounds of pain that replayed itself in her mind.

These nightmares were products of the past. You can't change the past. They ate away at her confidence, reminding her of her faults, and she didn't know how to combat that.

Instead, Orihime just wore a smile and tried to rebuild her walls.

3.

"It wasn't your fault," they told her. They, such a general thing. They could mean anyone and everyone. It's funny how during and after an incident, she could never remember what she did or who she spoke to. It just blended together, a wall of sound and colours, all passing by too fast and too slow. 

"It wasn't your fault." They patted her head, leaving her alone before they went back to the preparations.

The first time she heard those words were when her brother died. "We couldn't have saved him anyways," they told her, "It wasn't that you weren't fast enough."

She remembered legs burning and lungs gasping for breath as she tried to get help. The blood on her hands, the slowly fading voice in the background, she tried her best.

Her best wasn't good enough.

Maybe if she was faster she could have helped him live a little longer. 

The situation wasn't any different from today. Her friends were lying around her, dying. Blood spilled out of their wounds (in puddles around them. There was so much. There was more than she ever thought a person could hold. Small bits of flesh stuck out here and there and it was all she could do to not vomit.)

Luckily, they were still breathing and she knew they were still alive.

Using her small friends, she quickly ran to the first person near her, Chad, and started to heal him.

"Please come back, please," she whispered over and over, a mantra. Don't disappear. Don't die. Don't leave because of me.

No one had to tell her anything, no words had to be said. It was her fault, undeniably. She couldn't fight, didn't have the reflexes, and because of that everyone had to protect her.

She was weak, pathetic, and not useful even in healing. The most she could do was close their bigger wounds and hope that a doctor could do the rest.

The next day, Orihime went to Tatsuki and asked for lessons. Tatsuki didn't question it, just gave an understanding nod, and told her to come the after school at three.

4.

"Are you sure you'll be ok?" Tatsuki asked Orihime and the girl nodded. She seemed like she was curling up into herself and Tatsuki reminded herself to spend the night with her.

The scene in front of them was a happy one. There was a boy and a girl, bickering but close enough to each other that you can tell this was just how they were. However, that was why Orihime was breaking.

For many years, for a reason she didn't fully understand, Tatsuki knew that Orihime loved Ichigo. It wasn't something she questioned after the first two years, thinking that maybe she'd grow out of it or actually do something about it.

Nothing happened and this was the result of it. Ichigo had fallen for a girl, Rukia, and she for him. The way they argued showed they were really close, even though they both probably didn't realize it.

(If one thing was for certain, Orihime didn't fall for Ichigo's brains. Though he didn't score too badly in their exams; Tatsuki snorted at that thought because he never showed those smarts.)

"It's getting late you know," Tatsuki commented, staring up at the sky.

Orihime said nothing, knowing perfectly well that it was only five. Sniffling a little, she brought her head up. Ichigo liked brave girls, people who were able to stand after they were beaten down. That is what drew her to him at first.

She always wanted to have that sort of courage, that sort of recklessness, that sort of indifference to the world. She didn't have it and was happy watching him.

(She always meant to talk to him but...somehow she knew he would never be hers. He didn't seem like the type to want someone like her.)

Rukia came into the picture, a gust of wind that breezed into Ichigo's life and just never left.

This was the closest Orihime came to jealousy. Seeing how Ichigo just accepted Rukia, how he bickered with her and worried about her, she knew that she had lost before she even began. Rukia was someone that could never be replaced.

That didn't stop Orihime from dreaming and hoping, from wishing and watching. Maybe if she could help him more, Ichigo would notice her. Maybe if she trained hard enough, he'd accept her.

All those small maybes turned into nothing around Rukia. All of that hard work crumbled in comparison to Rukia's character.

Sometimes, Orihime thought she could hate Rukia. She wanted to, wanted to destroy her and tear her up. To turn that ghost-girl into the dreams she had destroyed, bury her like the feelings Orihime hid. She wanted to hurt Rukia.

Then Rukia would smile and show her strength and Orihime would remember once again what would happen should this girl disappear. Ichigo would be lost.

Maybe if she can just watch him, at least, that would be enough. (She knew it would never be enough but tricking herself might one day make it true.)

"I think I'm hungry, you?" Tatsuki said finally after a prolonged moment of silence. "I'm going to crash at your place today, my brothers are home and I'm not stepping near them."

Tatsuki was only trying to help and because she realized the implication behind those words (I'll be your walls, your floor, your shoulder), Orihime smiled and stood up from their bench.

"I'm cooking then! A new recipe, something I haven't done before."

Tatsuki just got up and petted Orihime's head. "I know you can do it."
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