31_days | [October 9, 2008] [BtVS/Angel] Equivalent Exchange

Title: Equivalent Exchange (4/6)
Day/Theme: October 9. same time, same place
Series: Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Character/Pairing: Angel, Wesley, Connor, Buffy, Fred, Spike, Gunn, Lorne; Buffy/Angel, Fred/Wesley
Rating: PG
Notes: Previous parts here

-

Before answering, Angel looked Wesley over. He was holding himself stifley and his eyes were hard. "Sit down."

Wesley obeyed after a moment.

"How much do you know?" Angel asked.

"I read the contract in full," Wesley told him. "I'm not as up on legal matters as Gunn, but I can't say I thought the writing was over my head."

"So you know I have a son," Angel said. He forced himself not to look away.

"Yes," Wesley said.

"It didn't turn out well," Angel said and quickly decided not to mention Wesley's part in Connor's breakdown. The last thing he needed was Wesley to drown himself in alcohol and guilt for something he couldn't even remember. Or worse, decide to walk away again. "I lost him to Hotlz and a hell dimension after a few months."

Wesley's face softened and his arms twitched, as if he wanted to reach out and touch Angel. "Which one was it?"

"Quor'Toth," Angel said and the word burned on his tongue.

Wesley's eyes widened and any remaining anger drained from his body. "Angel - "

Angel didn't let him finish. He had, for the most part, forgiven Wesley for kidnaping his son, but it was something he could never forget and hearing Wesley express any sort of sympathy towards Connor situation would have been too much. Especially since he had before. "He came back so angry and..."

Wesley leaned back and set his hands in his lap, concern in his eyes.

Angel looked down, unable to keep looking at Wesley. He grabbed some papers on this desk and straightened them up. "Let's just say that I didn't exactly help him."

Angel knew Wesley wanted to say something, probably words of comfort that would be meaningless and false because Angel could list every single mistake he'd made with his son and nothing change that, not completely.

"He wanted to kill himself and other people - " Angel only left out Cordy because he wasn't strong enough to even say her name in this situation, "- and the only thing I could do before it was too late was make a deal with Wolfram & Hart. He needed a life I could never give him."

Wesley was quiet for awhile. Ten minutes, exactly, if the clock ticking in the background was accurate.

"You said he came back," Wesley said, quiet, and Angel clenched his fists. "You weren't able to locate him. He had years while I imagine you only had months."

"That doesn't matter," Angel said and, not able to sit down any longer, jerked away from his desk and walked across the room. There were very few things he regretted more than giving up on finding Connor.

"Of course it does," Wesley said. Angel heard the chair creak as Wesley stood up and was very aware of Wesley walking over towards him and allowed it. "Some would not have even tried."

Angel didn't have to hear the way Wesley's voice became harder, defensive, to know what saying those words cost him.

Angel strode over to the couch and sunk into it. Wesley sat down next to him.

"I imagine if you wanted to give your son a normal, not to mention safe, life, you would not have given him to Buffy," Wesley said.

"How did you know - "

"Angel," Wesley said, and the mild frustration in his voice was oddly comforting. "Connor is the name of your son. That was not hard to piece together."

"That was apparently a warning from the Senior Partners for trying to leave," Angel said. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "Before that, he had a normal family and a normal life and was perfectly happy." He moved his head to the side to look at Wesley. "Are you going to tell Buffy?"

"That's something you should probably do yourself," Wesley told him as he looked at Angel in the eyes. "But under the circumstances... If it would be of help to you, it wouldn't be a problem for me."

Angel couldn't help but think of the fact that Dawn was gone and the last thing Buffy needed was the pain of losing another family member as he said, "And if I don't want to tell anyone?"

"If they changed Connor once more than I rather imagine this is something that cannot be undone," Wesley said, not tearing his eyes away from Angel. "So I'll keep this to myself if you really wish to keep this a secret. However, I will tell you that I believe it would be the wrong choice for you to make."

"I could probably handle that," Angel said, without remorse. "But Connor has to fight Sahjhan - that's what the prophecy I told you was about - or else his original memories will come back. We have about two months to prepare him for that." He stood up and in front of Wesley. "Do you think you could help me give Buffy enough to work with?"

-

"Connor's connection with the Key didn't stop with Glory - apparently he is also prophesied to kill a demon called Sahjhan, who is also connected to the Key. We also believe that's why he's also developing powers," Wesley lied to Buffy without blinking.

It was one of the skills he'd... acquired during his relationship with Lilah.

Buffy stared at both Wesley and Angel. Then she folded her arms and stood up from the couch. "No."

Wesley shot her a confused look. "No?"

"No," Buffy confirmed. "I'm vetoing this. How do you kill him? I'll do it."

"You can't just... veto a prophecy," Wesley said and winced mildly at how childish he sounded. It was just that he'd forgotten how frustrating Buffy could be when she didn't like something even if Wesley had to acknowledge that it was often a particular strength of hers.

"Watch me," Buffy said. "Now tell me how to kill this thing or I'll call Giles."

Wesley looked at Angel, who nodded at him. He closed his eyes tightly and then opened them back up. "Chopping off his head should probably work."

She nodded at him then turned to Angel and spoke to him for the first time since Wesley had called her in to give her the information on Connor's condition, "Do you know where he is?"

"Yes. I can even drive you there," Angel said, and Wesley found his frustration fading at that. It was obvious that he had no desire to see Connor - his son, it was still strange for Wesley to think of Connor in that way - going into a dangerous and potentially deadly fight.

But there was still one other fact to consider. "You told me Vail gave you two months."

"Really don't think he'd mind to get this over with sooner," Angel said.

Wesley gave Buffy a wary smile. "Would you like me to inform you on what I know about him or would you rather skip the preparation?"

"Prep me up in the car," Buffy told him as she led Angel and Wesley out of Angel's office.

-

"While I'm sure you don't lack power," the demon and or warlock - Vail - said to Buffy, "Only your brother can kill Sahjhan. The prophecy is quite clear on that."

"A prophecy said I was suppose to die a few years back," Buffy said. "But I'm still alive and kicking."

"Even so," Vail said, his hoarse voice grating in Buffy's ears. "I'd rather not take any risks in this situation."

"Then he's not going to die," Buffy said. "My brother is no going to fight him." She turned around, as if to leave.

Angel grabbed her wrist and Buffy turned around. Vail was holding some sort of yellow glowy box.

"Those aren't terms I will accept," Vail said. "And I don't believe Angel will either."

Angel's eyes were locked on the box and his had tightened his grip so hard on Buffy's arm that it was starting to hurt. "We can't let him break that box."

Wesley took a step forward. "Buffy skills greatly surpass Connor's. Not to mention the fact that she's fought and killed more powerful demons than Sahjhan in her time. You would be wise to take this deal."

Vail ignored him. "With two words I can break the spell with this box."

Angel tore his eyes away from the box and to Buffy. "We can't let him do that. If we train - "

Buffy jerked away from him. "Are you crazy? I'm not risking my brother's life on a stupid prophecy." She walked over to Vail. "You have two choices: me or no one."

"That might be something you regret," Vail said and muttered two words that Buffy couldn't make out, even as she strained her ears.

A moment later she didn't care.

"Let me kill him," Buffy said after taking exactly sixty seconds to stop shaking and bury the tears building up behind her eyes. "Or I will kill you."

Vail was smiling when he said, "If you insist."

Wesley had warned her not to let Sahjhan speak and Buffy took that advice. Sahjhan didn't get a word in before Buffy chopped off his head.

No one else said a word either.

-

After Wesley, Angel and Buffy walked out of Vail's living quarters, Buffy found her way in Angel's arms. She buried her face into his chest and grabbed his arms in a way Wesley noted to himself must have hurt a lot.

Wesley counted the seconds - sixty - before Buffy was able to pull herself together. She pulled away just enough so that she could speak and be heard.

"We have to find out who did this and get Dawn back." She didn't even have to say 'and then kill whoever took her away'.

"That won't be a problem," Wesley said and it felt like someone else was speaking through him. Maybe someone was. The someone who had a scar on his neck. "It was Angel."

Buffy pulled away from Angel and then stared at Wesley. "What?"

That wasn't quite correct. Wesley rubbed his knuckles. "Angel made a deal with Wolfram & Hart to save his son," at the confused look Buffy shot him, Wesley added, "he had become unstable and was attempting suicide. Then it backfired on him when he tried to quit." He looked at Angel. "Was Dawn the price?"

Angel didn't even try to defend himself. He just said, "Yes."

Buffy took a deep breath. "How do we get her back?"

Angel looked at her. "We can't. Wolfram & Hart used the magic that made her to make him."

"He, for all intents and purposes, is now the Key," Wesley said as he pieced what Angel was saying together. Which brought him to a new question. "Did everyone get their memories back?"

"Yes," Angel said. And then his eyes widened. "Connor! I need -"

Buffy grabbed his arm before he could move. "You will never talk to him again."

Angel broke away from her. "He's my son."

"He's my brother," Buffy snarled.

"We don't have time to argue semantics," Angel snapped. "You have no idea what he's been through - "

"I'm about to find out," Buffy said shortly. "And if I see you again, I'll kill you myself."

Wesley watched her stalk off and when she was out of site, he turned back to Angel. "We should be heading back."

Angel stared at him and said, clearly just realizing what Wesley now remembered, "Wes -"

"We should be heading back," Wesley repeated and began to walk towards the car.

Angel took the hint and followed him without a word.

-

When Angel got into his office, Spike was sitting on the couch. He stood up when he saw Angel enter, he tapped his head and asked, "Is there a Dawn Summers or am just I going nuts?"

"There was," Angel said as he walked over to his desk and sat down. "Now there's Connor."

"Did it have something to do with her being the Key?" Spike asked. Angel picked up a pen and rolled it between his fingers. "We thought she was mostly normal, but you can never really tell with magic."

"It has something to do with that," Angel said and he stared at the paperwork in front of him. Staff reviews in Wesley's neat handwriting. "Mostly it has to with Wolfram & Hart and me."

"You wouldn't hurt the little Bit," Spike said and Angel knew he was shaking his head without looking up. "Not unless you lost your soul. If that's it, I can't say that will make a difference because I'd still kill you."

Angel set down the pen. "It wasn't something I planned. Wolfram & Hart just wanted to make sure that I didn't leave."

Spike strode over to him. "What does that even have to do with Dawn?"

Angel looked up and into Spike's eyes. "Connor is my son. Buffy is someone they can use to hurt me. Do I have to do any math for you?"

"Not everything is adding up," Spike said and turned around sharply. "But I don't even care."

Angel watched him walk out of the room.

Before Angel had time to process this, Gunn walked in. "Thought I've give you a head's up. Buffy's friends called. They want answers and they want them in person."

Angel closed his eyes in order to rub them. The last thing he needed was for Xander and Giles to have another reason to want him dead.

"For what it's worth," Angel could feel Gunn's eyes on him, "I'm not pissed. I would have done the same thing for Alonna. Even with all the legalize I've got now telling me every single way that it could come back and bite me in the ass."

"It's got worth," Angel said, though he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes, and then Gunn left the room.

Angel had leafed through about half of the reports Wesley had written when Lorne walked in. And Angel would be lying if he didn't say he was at least a little bit uneasy about the fact that, for once, he didn't have a cell phone anywhere in site.

"We need to have talk," Lorne said as he closed the door.

"I really don't have a lot to say," Angel told him.

Lorne waved him off. "Don't worry about that, sweetie. I've got plenty to say." He walked over to the chair in front of Angel's desk and sat down in it.

"And I really don't have a whole lot of time to spare," Angel said, though he set down the reports.

"I can make it short," Lorne said, standing up. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Not my mind, no," Angel replied.

"Angelcakes, you can't just play with people lives like this," Lorne said. "Believe me when I say no good can come from it."

Before Angel could respond, Fred came into the office. "Do you think I could talk to Angel alone?"

"You can probably get through him better than me," Lorne said when she smiled at him, he smiled back and left the room without another word.

Angel pushed the reports aside as Fred walked next to him and scooted on the desk. She set her palms on the edge of it for balance. "Sometimes to be a good dad, you have to do terrible things."

"The last thing I'd call myself is a good dad," Angel said.

"Okay, you probably wouldn't win the parenting award of the year," Fred admitted. "But you did what you had to do for your son. That can't be a all bad." When Angel didn't say anything, Fred pressed on, "Connor's alive, right? And now he's gotta know thing in this world that he didn't before. The things he knows now, they can make all the difference in the world."

"Look, Fred -"

"And it wasn't just him! The past couple of years have been rough." Fred bowed her head. "It's nice for all of us to have more memories where we're together without falling to pieces." Angel didn't have the heart to tell her that his memory had never been altered. "They feel real and that's got to mean something."

At that, Angel stood up. "Wes - "

Fred slipped off the desk. "Angel, would you mind if I talked to him first?"

Angel hesitated but nodded slowly at the look Fred gave him.

-

"It's true," Connor said and it was the first time he'd spoken since his memories had been restored when Buffy found him on top of the roof of the hotel they were staying in, "I'm not wanted."

Buffy grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around. "There is no one in this world I want more."

Connor craned his neck in order to look down at the ground below them. "I was chained up once and bleeding. I was going to jump to save the world. But you wouldn't let that happen and died in my place. And when you came back you wanted to die again and I couldn't fix it."

"But you did," Buffy said, pulling him close.

"It's just a lie," Connor said. "Everything is a lie." He wondered if the impact of jumping off the hotel would kill him or if he was now strong enough to survive it.

"No it's not," Buffy told him and slid to the ground, bringing him down with her. "Sometimes the only thing that gets me through is the fact I want to give you everything. I feel like that right now and that's not a lie."

"Angel told me that too - that he wanted to give me everything." He wanted so badly to wrap his arms around her like he did the night of their - her - mom's funeral. But he couldn't. "But it was just to give me away."

"No." Buffy ran her fingers through his hair. Connor kept his body still. "He just wanted to save you. I don't know what happened, but I do know him."

"By giving me more lies," Connor said as shoved her away roughly. He wasn't sure where the anger came from, but he embraced it. It was better than feeling nothing.

Buffy grabbed him again. She took his his hand in hers. "There was a Key before you. Her name was-" Buffy's voice broke off for a moment. "Dawn. I told her she had my blood and that made her real." She pressed his hand against her shoulder and Connor curled his fingers around her shirt. "I told you the same thing."

Connor remembered. "I don't have your blood."

Buffy's eye sparkled some when she said, "Yes you do. The key was used to make you."

Connor twisted around to look at the edge of the roof. "What if I still want to jump?"

"Then I'll save you." She cupped his face with both of his hands and wiped away a stray tear slipping down Connor's cheek. "I will always save you."

"Don't let go."

"I won't."

-

Wesley didn't answer the soft knocks on the door, but he was not surprised when Fred walked in anyway. He left the door unlocked for a reason.

Fred closed the door softly behind her moved her hand on to the light switch.

"Please don't." Wesley's voice came out hoarser than he'd intended to. But he always lost some control when he drank.

Fred dropped her hand and then made her way across the room and over to Wesley. She firmly grabbed the glass out of his hand. Wesley watched her walk over to the table, set it down, and walk back over to him wordlessly.

"No more of that, now."

Wesley nodded and closed his eyes. "You should go."

"I'm not going to leave you like this," Fred said. She sat down next to him and sat her hand on top of his.

Wesley bowed his head and hated himself for not having the strength to ask her to go again.