[July 20] [Twilight] this endless road down which I travel

[audentiae.livejournal.com]

Title: this endless road down which I travel
Day/Theme: July 20 / the world in all its colors
Series: Twilight
Character/Pairing: Edward/Tanya
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: With very little exception, this is basically where I think Stephenie Meyer could take Tanya's character (it would suit SMeyer's character style). However, I think Meyer might be a little more adventurous with Tanya because she's a minor character and doesn't need to be developed as profoundly as our main characters. Basically, I can see Tanya taking one of two very different roads personality-wise: 1, the road you would expect from Meyer; or 2, the road I think Meyer might take Tanya down (aka the unexpected). Either way, I'm excited. :)

this endless road down which I travel

“Edward!” she says, and kisses both of his cheeks. “How sweet of you to visit me on my birthday!”

He blinks, startled, then remembers. January 18th. Tanya’s birthday. The day after he met his la tua cantante.

“Of course,” he replies, and smiles. “Why else would I drop by?” (Certainly not to avoid eating Isabella Swan, no of course not!)

She ushers him inside, sits him down, puts in his favorite CD (how did she know?). The familiar jazz relaxes him; the familiar smell of Tanya surrounds him. He pushes aside Bella Swan.

She settles down into a worn leather chair across from him. Her hair spills over a cream turtleneck, the one he’s always been partial to, and her eyes twinkle.

“It’s my thousandth birthday, you know,” she says, and he does know. He can read it in her mind and in Irina’s mind and in the giant “1000” that hangs over the doorway.

“You learn many things in a thousand years, Edward,” she murmurs, her voice drifting. “I’ve traveled the world; I’ve seen so many things. I’ve experienced ten lifetimes and yet I’m still not a day over twenty-three.”

She laughs, suddenly, and he stares at her.

Shaking her head (those curls bounce), she admits, “Isn’t it strange to wish to get older? To get wrinkles and sore bones and a fading memory?” Her eyes meet his. “Is that strange, Edward?”

He regards her for a long time, sifting through her mind for the thoughts he can understand (he thinks about himself). And finally he whispers, “No, I don’t think that’s strange at all.”

“Humans wish they had our immortality,” she says, drawing her knees to her chest. “We wish we could taste mortality once again.”

He doesn’t reply, only watches her from across the room. She looks all her thousand years in her twenty-three-year-old body. Her thoughts are trailing through different languages, different memories, different stages of her never-ending life, but they all twang with a similar feeling, a similar longing.

“Do you know what I’ve always wanted, Edward?” she asks, a finger coiling a strand of hair. “What I’ll always want more than anything?”

He shakes his head because he honestly doesn’t know. Quietly, “What have you always wanted?”

“I’ve always wanted to fall in love.”

His eyebrows arch in surprise, and she shakes her head, as if disappointed with him.

“Why else would I have been so thrilled to meet you, Edward? You gave me hope.”

He stutters out, “I gave you… hope?”

She shrugs and tugs on a strand of hair again. “Ever since I first met you, I thought, perhaps…”

“I would be the one,” he finishes.

She nods, and lets go of the coil of hair. It springs back into place.

“Your family — Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice — they have what they need. But vampires like us, Edward, the lonely ones… we’ll always be lacking. I’ve tried to fix that about myself.” She chews her lip for a moment, then admits, “That’s how I got my reputation.”

“Your reputation?”

“As a succubus. Seducing men, being loved by them… I was good at what I did. But it wasn’t enough.” She looks up at him and he recognizes the desolate look of a vampire wishing they could cry. “I wanted someone who could truly love me.”

He blinks, and says slowly, “I understand.”

She gives a sharp laugh. “Do you really? Have you ever experienced real love, Edward?”

He doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t need to. They both know the answer.

“I have, Edward.” Her eyes are dark, her mind is dark. “Don’t give yourself more credit than you deserve.”

He stares at her, unsure of how to respond. She looks away.

“Forgive me; sometimes I forget just how young you truly are.” She shakes her head delicately and says, “Let me explain myself.

“When I was human, Edward, I had a family. I had a mother and a father and a brother. I had a husband and a beautiful daughter. I know what it’s like to be loved and wanted forever. I lost that, and for the past nine-hundred-seventy-seven years, I’ve been trying to get it back.”

Her eyes sparkle as they lock with his. “The world is full of life, Edward. People who live and love and die. Don’t you ever wish you could be one of them?”

He sits perfectly still for a moment, then nods. “I wish I could die and see heaven.”

“And I wish I could see my husband’s face again.” She doesn’t say it spitefully or mockingly, just with painful honesty.

“But we’re cursed, you and I, Edward,” she continues, “forced to exist in this world without what would make us truly live.”

His eyes flicker to her, her porcelain features, her strawberry blonde curls, her endless intelligence. He offers her his hand. “We can try it,” he says quietly. “You and I, we could work.”

She shakes her head and laughs, as if he is a naïve child. “Our chance is past, Edward. Perhaps, when you’re older, when you’ve seen the world in all its colors… but not now.”

He withdraws his hand, heart oddly torn. “I can wait, Tanya.”

She shakes her head again. “I’m a thousand years old, Edward. If I was meant to find someone… but you. You’re young. Find someone to spend your forever with.”

“What if I can’t find anyone?” He swallows. “What if I want it to be you?”

She smiles softly. “Then you’ll know where to find me.”

He looks down, suddenly embarrassed, and whispers, “I should go.”

She walks him to the door with her hand on his elbow. He opens it, then pauses.

“In ten years, can we—?”

“Edward…” She places her hand on his cheek. “Give yourself time.”

He frowns. “Twenty?”

She laughs, and her hand slides from his cheek. “How about seventy? Or is that too long for you?”

“No.” His hand brushes hers. “That’s not too long.”

She smiles and says sweetly, “Goodbye, Edward. Thank you for visiting me on my birthday.”

He kisses her softly on the cheek and replies, “It was my pleasure.”

She watches him run away and thinks about what Kate’s seen, the human girl, the love of his eternal life.

She only wishes she could have the same.