31_days | [May 17] [ Hikaru no Go] Stones on Narrow Spaces 17/?

Title: Stones on Narrow Spaces
Day/Theme: May 17 - Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream?
Series: Hikaru no Go
Character/Pairing: Akira/Hikaru
Rating: General

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ETA author's note: There's a ref to TS Eliot here. In a pun.

He was aware of Yashirou in the other room asking if 'he' was all right. He was aware of Akira replying that 'he' only needed rest and some time alone. He was aware of the light breeze stirring though the room, so that the air currents danced around him and seemed almost alive.

He was aware of his surroundings in a way that told him that he was only dreaming, yet he could not look away.

Sai was here.

Shindou had dreamt of his old friend occasionally over the years, sometimes in glimpses between fevered, mental replayings of a game, and other times facing each other as they had used to, boy and ghost. Now Sai was sitting in front of him, no longer using his fan to point out where his stones should go, but touching and moving his stones for himself.

For they were playing a game, of course.

Not just any game, but Shindou's most recent game with Ogata, the one where he had lost because Ogata asked him if losing the Shuusaku goban meant that he had also lost Sai. It wasn't simply because he was shocked. He knew that even though he had not said anything to Ogata, the man had worked out a few things for himself over the years. One of those things was Sai and Shindou's connection with him.

I'll finish that game with you, Sai had said, his voice rich and slow, the familiar cadences making Shindou ache inside. Don't let your game end in regret and frustration.

How could Shindou Hikaru explain to Ogata that he had found and lost Fujiwara no Sai and found him again in his Go, then lost him again by letting go of his guilt, and found him once more in his memory? How was Ogata to understand the pull and push of Sai's presence?

Thanks, Sai. He reprised his attacks, remembered the scenarios he had analysed and tried to get better of this Sai-Ogata opponent. He remembered thinking how strange it was that there was no 'pachi' sound when they played. Not on this goban.

You never truly lost me, Sai said.

Preoccupied with the top left, Shindou answered the change of topic with a Huh? His stones did not have much chance to survive; they were being squeezed into a narrow sideways alley that was going to be crushed at any moment.

I have moved on, but there was a small part of me that stayed with you.

That was the part that warmed Shindou's heart, and ordinarily he would have responded with his usual enthusiasm. But his stones were stuck in a V-shaped crack and becoming weaker with every passing hand. "I know, Sai," he said, and realised he had murmured that out loud instead of thinking it.

For a moment he was frightened that Yashirou and Akira would hear him, but if he concentrated he found could hear them, while debating the link between art and games, how inspiration in art could come and Go, talking of Michelangelo.

An ancient artist and engineer, Shindou remembered from old school lessons, who combined artistry with technical brilliance. Right. He could try to do the same. Now if he used his stones in the crack as a pivot... He played a hand and watched Sai consider it just a little longer. Sai was too canny not to remember that Shindou played more tricks on the goban than him.

I frightened the man who took my goban from Torajirou's side.

It took a second for Shindou to connect 'Torajirou' with 'Shuusaku'.

He had a talent, but it was not for Go. That was why he could only see me as someone--something--frightening. Yet he chose the same death I did.

Shindou swallowed. He thought about asking Sai if he knew where the Shuusaku goban was hidden. So, Sai, I was wondering if you-

Sometimes it is those who ask you the questions.

"Yeah... What?" Shindou said, realising he had spoken out loud again. In dreams, Sai was prone to cryptic pronouncements. He was always focused on Go. Shindou found himself missing the hyperactive spazzing that had, on occasion, frustrated him before. It was another part of Sai that he had lost, he thought. The Sai who was curious about tropical fish and disbelieving of the moon landing.

Sooner than he expected--but then his time-sense was likely skewed in dreams--his earlier hand had brought results. Perhaps it was because Sai had anticipated him too. But he had worked out a way to creep out of the danger to his upper left, and put in place a path for counterattacking. He had broken out of the trap Ogata had built for him in that game.

Sai opened his fan.

Shindou looked up in surprise at the sudden cessation of the yet unfinished game. But it seemed that was as far as Sai was willing to go. Behind the fan, Sai's eyes closed halfway into slits as he smiled. Good game, Hikaru, he said and vanished.

Shindou opened his eyes and met Touya's. His rival was leaning over him, dressed in the argyle sweater that Shindou knew so well--and loathed so much. There was the hint of a frown around his mouth.

Touya's mouth was made for polite conversation and untruthful pronouncements--"I'm never playing Go on the train with you again!"--and at that moment, it was curved in a way that was also made for kissing.

So Shindou raised himself on his elbows and kissed him. It was only a moment, for Touya ended the kiss and pushed him down. "Are you all right?" he asked. "I heard you call out 'I know, Sai', then you exclaimed 'What?' "

"I-" Shindou sat up, shivering suddenly as the cool air coming in through the window touched his sweaty back and neck.

Touya's arms came around him, either to warm him or in comfort, he did not know.

"I'm all right," Shindou said, watching as patterns of light and shadow floated across the plain tatami floor. "Only, we played on Shuusaku's goban."

(TBC)