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31_days2008-05-03 01:22 pm
seta-suzume.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2008-05-03 01:22 pm
[May 3, 2008][Suikoden III] Guilty of Feeling
Title: Guilty of Feeling
Day/Theme: May 3, 2009 "I love you when I forget about me"
Series: Suikoden III
Character/Pairing: Sasarai, Luc, Lena, Nika (the narrator)
Rating: PG
During the invasion of the Grasslands, both my bishop and I separately longed for the affections of the same person without being aware of the other's feelings or experience. When I learned after his final homecoming what had transpired in the field and at some horrible ruin referred to vaguely as the "Ceremonial Site" I chose to keep my mouth shut about what I had done and seen back home.
Luc was his name. The masked magician bought or tricked his way into a bishop's hat which I never once saw him wear. I would've like to have seen that. All my years working in the capital have left me strangely attracted to men in official hats (thought I might deny it when speaking with Dios and the like). I never actually saw his whole face, but when he was not snooping around the library acting suspicious as he read about runes and magic, I found him strangely attractive.
Knowing his relationship to my beloved bishop might explain part of it, but that same thing made me feel guilty for the romantic curiosity I had experienced. It was as much a betrayal as Luc's.
I tried to throw it away and act like I had felt nothing. And though that tactic seemed to cover my tracks in public, it didn't erase from my mind the way his walk had made my heart quicken, the smile a toss of his soft hair brought to my face as he passed by, and the tightening in my chest when he spoke to me.
I was never great at keeping my own secrets. Those of others are no problem, but mine seem to bubble over and spill out of their own accord. So, inevitably, I confided in Lena. She was skeptical about my reasons, but refrained from passing judgment on me (or at least she didn't tell me her conclusion).
"Are you sure," she asked me, "This isn't some kind of displaced longing for Sasarai?"
It hadn't occurred to me before that point, but I feared that, as usual, Lena had shot her arrow of clear-seeing right into my heart. "I never forgot the day you took down your hair," Lena mused, leaning her elbow on the table, "I never forgot what you said."
"I never forgot it either," I grimaced, "You made me so embarrassed. Just like always, you saw right through me."
Day/Theme: May 3, 2009 "I love you when I forget about me"
Series: Suikoden III
Character/Pairing: Sasarai, Luc, Lena, Nika (the narrator)
Rating: PG
During the invasion of the Grasslands, both my bishop and I separately longed for the affections of the same person without being aware of the other's feelings or experience. When I learned after his final homecoming what had transpired in the field and at some horrible ruin referred to vaguely as the "Ceremonial Site" I chose to keep my mouth shut about what I had done and seen back home.
Luc was his name. The masked magician bought or tricked his way into a bishop's hat which I never once saw him wear. I would've like to have seen that. All my years working in the capital have left me strangely attracted to men in official hats (thought I might deny it when speaking with Dios and the like). I never actually saw his whole face, but when he was not snooping around the library acting suspicious as he read about runes and magic, I found him strangely attractive.
Knowing his relationship to my beloved bishop might explain part of it, but that same thing made me feel guilty for the romantic curiosity I had experienced. It was as much a betrayal as Luc's.
I tried to throw it away and act like I had felt nothing. And though that tactic seemed to cover my tracks in public, it didn't erase from my mind the way his walk had made my heart quicken, the smile a toss of his soft hair brought to my face as he passed by, and the tightening in my chest when he spoke to me.
I was never great at keeping my own secrets. Those of others are no problem, but mine seem to bubble over and spill out of their own accord. So, inevitably, I confided in Lena. She was skeptical about my reasons, but refrained from passing judgment on me (or at least she didn't tell me her conclusion).
"Are you sure," she asked me, "This isn't some kind of displaced longing for Sasarai?"
It hadn't occurred to me before that point, but I feared that, as usual, Lena had shot her arrow of clear-seeing right into my heart. "I never forgot the day you took down your hair," Lena mused, leaning her elbow on the table, "I never forgot what you said."
"I never forgot it either," I grimaced, "You made me so embarrassed. Just like always, you saw right through me."