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31_days2008-02-01 11:25 pm
candy--chan.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2008-02-01 11:25 pm
[Feb. 1] [Detective Conan] In the Hospital Room
Title: In the Hospital Room
Day/Theme: Feb. 1: “Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
Series: Detective Conan
Character/Pairing: Shinichi (as Conan), Ran
Rating: R/M
Shinichi jolted awake, and realized immediately that what he had been experiencing was nothing more than a nightmare. Still, it took him quite some time to fully calm down again. The whole dream…it felt like he was reliving the events of the past several days. How long had he been imprisoned in that horrible place? He didn’t know, and he hadn’t given anyone much chance to tell him anything.
But the dream…that nightmare…it was exactly the same. Even now he could physically feel the hands pushing and pulling at him, the pain of broken flesh and the ache of screams being torn from an unwilling throat…was he to spend the rest of his life like this, trapped in that cycle?
If so, he would rather not live.
A sigh beside him drew his attention, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized that there was someone else in the room. He had to calm himself down again, forcing his breathing back to normal. He didn’t like surprises, not now, not ever…
It was Ran. Her arms were folded and resting on the edge of his hospital bed; her head was pillowed on her arms. Judging by her posture and even breathing, she was asleep. She hadn’t even turned a hair when he had jumped at the nightmare. She had to be exhausted.
And somehow, he felt very calm. The nightmare and his panic seemed to slip away as he just watched her sleep. The steady rising and falling of her back, the way her long hair draped over her just so…he focused on that, taking it all in.
He wondered if she knew. Oh, that was a silly thing to wonder. Satou-keiji had called him ‘Kudo-kun’ when they’d pulled him out of that god-forsaken little room. Everyone had called him by his true name, rather than his alias. They all knew. It stood to reason that Ran did too—even if no one had told her directly, she wasn’t stupid.
…Ran knew.
She knew the truth. She knew who he really was, that he had lied to her for so long…and yet here she was. She wasn’t running away—she was right beside him, even when he wasn’t awake and aware of it. She kept her vigil even in slumber.
And she had such an effect on him. Everyone else…there was fear, an instinctive desire to get away; he knew intellectually that none of these people would harm him, but at the same time…he didn’t know it. But Ran…once he had realized who she was, the terror had vanished.
He felt safe with her nearby.
…he loved her. He had for so long, and even now that still stirred in his chest. But it was painful now, more painful than it had ever been. Even as Conan, he had been able to stave off that ache by telling himself that he would get back to her someday and they would be together.
Now…he wasn’t sure if it could happen. He wasn’t sure if he deserved her anymore. Everything was such a mess…
Suddenly, he wanted to touch her, if only to know that she was real and he wasn’t dreaming. If he was merely hallucinating…it would crush him. He needed to know that it was truly her and she was really there beside him. That desire battled against his frightened instincts, which told him not to touch. Touching was bad. Touching led to pain.
In the end, his desperate need to know that he wasn’t alone claimed the victory. He reached towards her with shaking fingers. He drew back, almost abandoning the idea, but finally he let his hand brush against her hair. And it was enough for him to feel the light touch of those few stray strands of hair. It was tangible; she was real.
She did not move; it was not enough to awaken her.
Shinichi felt himself yawn. Exhaustion was winning out. He turned slightly in his bed and settled onto his side, pulling the blanket tightly around him. While laying in that pose, he could see her eyes, closed in slumber. It was comforting. And so her face was the last image he saw before he finally drifted back to sleep.
PS. Okay. Ultimate goal here is to get a good start on a much longer work. So each day I post on here will be a scene from that larger work. Someday I’ll string them all together into a full story, but for right now it will be very fragmented.
Day/Theme: Feb. 1: “Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
Series: Detective Conan
Character/Pairing: Shinichi (as Conan), Ran
Rating: R/M
Shinichi jolted awake, and realized immediately that what he had been experiencing was nothing more than a nightmare. Still, it took him quite some time to fully calm down again. The whole dream…it felt like he was reliving the events of the past several days. How long had he been imprisoned in that horrible place? He didn’t know, and he hadn’t given anyone much chance to tell him anything.
But the dream…that nightmare…it was exactly the same. Even now he could physically feel the hands pushing and pulling at him, the pain of broken flesh and the ache of screams being torn from an unwilling throat…was he to spend the rest of his life like this, trapped in that cycle?
If so, he would rather not live.
A sigh beside him drew his attention, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized that there was someone else in the room. He had to calm himself down again, forcing his breathing back to normal. He didn’t like surprises, not now, not ever…
It was Ran. Her arms were folded and resting on the edge of his hospital bed; her head was pillowed on her arms. Judging by her posture and even breathing, she was asleep. She hadn’t even turned a hair when he had jumped at the nightmare. She had to be exhausted.
And somehow, he felt very calm. The nightmare and his panic seemed to slip away as he just watched her sleep. The steady rising and falling of her back, the way her long hair draped over her just so…he focused on that, taking it all in.
He wondered if she knew. Oh, that was a silly thing to wonder. Satou-keiji had called him ‘Kudo-kun’ when they’d pulled him out of that god-forsaken little room. Everyone had called him by his true name, rather than his alias. They all knew. It stood to reason that Ran did too—even if no one had told her directly, she wasn’t stupid.
…Ran knew.
She knew the truth. She knew who he really was, that he had lied to her for so long…and yet here she was. She wasn’t running away—she was right beside him, even when he wasn’t awake and aware of it. She kept her vigil even in slumber.
And she had such an effect on him. Everyone else…there was fear, an instinctive desire to get away; he knew intellectually that none of these people would harm him, but at the same time…he didn’t know it. But Ran…once he had realized who she was, the terror had vanished.
He felt safe with her nearby.
…he loved her. He had for so long, and even now that still stirred in his chest. But it was painful now, more painful than it had ever been. Even as Conan, he had been able to stave off that ache by telling himself that he would get back to her someday and they would be together.
Now…he wasn’t sure if it could happen. He wasn’t sure if he deserved her anymore. Everything was such a mess…
Suddenly, he wanted to touch her, if only to know that she was real and he wasn’t dreaming. If he was merely hallucinating…it would crush him. He needed to know that it was truly her and she was really there beside him. That desire battled against his frightened instincts, which told him not to touch. Touching was bad. Touching led to pain.
In the end, his desperate need to know that he wasn’t alone claimed the victory. He reached towards her with shaking fingers. He drew back, almost abandoning the idea, but finally he let his hand brush against her hair. And it was enough for him to feel the light touch of those few stray strands of hair. It was tangible; she was real.
She did not move; it was not enough to awaken her.
Shinichi felt himself yawn. Exhaustion was winning out. He turned slightly in his bed and settled onto his side, pulling the blanket tightly around him. While laying in that pose, he could see her eyes, closed in slumber. It was comforting. And so her face was the last image he saw before he finally drifted back to sleep.
PS. Okay. Ultimate goal here is to get a good start on a much longer work. So each day I post on here will be a scene from that larger work. Someday I’ll string them all together into a full story, but for right now it will be very fragmented.