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31_days2008-01-23 10:42 am
rosehiptea.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2008-01-23 10:42 am
[January 23] [House] Play On
Title: Play On
Day/Theme: January 23/if music is the food of love, play on
Series: House
Character/Pairing: House/Cameron
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Kind of a downer, spoilers through Season 4
Word Count: 493
House doesn’t love music because it says what he can’t say. It’s more because it’s telling him what he did say, or making him laugh about everything he never said and never wanted to. And he doesn’t talk about music as much as he just listens to it, letting it wash over him or playing along silently, acknowledging meaning only when he cares to. And he listens to everything -- rock and jazz and opera, whatever is sending him a signal that day -- and makes no apologies.
Now and then some song comes on that he can’t believe he ever paid money to have, some sort of ridiculous love song. He is reminded of Allison Cameron in those moments, thinking it’s the sort of thing she might listen to, even though he can’t remember ever asking her what kind of music she liked. And he pictures her thinking of him as she listens, mourning the affair they never had. Really she’s probably thinking of someone else entirely with her love songs now, but he doesn’t actually want to ask her all the details about Chase since she’s come back. He prefers to think he’s still the main irritant in her heart, even though he’ll never do anything about it. And then he tells himself to get rid of that CD, to give it away to someone who is actually fond of sappy love.
Sexy songs, and House has plenty of those, can remind him of Cameron too. He has his own version of the affair that never happened, and it’s about her skin and her body and all the ways he never found to touch her, to make her want him even more. Even though Cameron was never in his bed he amuses himself making memories of their lovemaking to go with the driving beats and sensual guitar. He tells himself that he never really wanted her, at least not badly enough to do anything about it. But he also tells himself that she wanted him, wants him now, would be intrigued to know he dreams of her skin.
And some music wipes out memories, wipes out everything, if he plays it loud enough and long enough. Sometimes that’s exactly what he needs, something that fills his mind with pleasant noise instead of words he decided not say or things that never happened. This music is something that doesn’t have to make sense… but then again that describes most of his life.
In the end some of the best songs are the real love songs, the ones that hurt, but he doesn’t like to think of Cameron or anyone else when he plays them. He likes to think they are classic and powerful and symbolic and don’t remind him of anyone at all. But now and then he’ll ask himself “Has she ever heard this one?” And he lets the music die, wondering in the silence if she ever really thinks of him at all.
Day/Theme: January 23/if music is the food of love, play on
Series: House
Character/Pairing: House/Cameron
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Kind of a downer, spoilers through Season 4
Word Count: 493
House doesn’t love music because it says what he can’t say. It’s more because it’s telling him what he did say, or making him laugh about everything he never said and never wanted to. And he doesn’t talk about music as much as he just listens to it, letting it wash over him or playing along silently, acknowledging meaning only when he cares to. And he listens to everything -- rock and jazz and opera, whatever is sending him a signal that day -- and makes no apologies.
Now and then some song comes on that he can’t believe he ever paid money to have, some sort of ridiculous love song. He is reminded of Allison Cameron in those moments, thinking it’s the sort of thing she might listen to, even though he can’t remember ever asking her what kind of music she liked. And he pictures her thinking of him as she listens, mourning the affair they never had. Really she’s probably thinking of someone else entirely with her love songs now, but he doesn’t actually want to ask her all the details about Chase since she’s come back. He prefers to think he’s still the main irritant in her heart, even though he’ll never do anything about it. And then he tells himself to get rid of that CD, to give it away to someone who is actually fond of sappy love.
Sexy songs, and House has plenty of those, can remind him of Cameron too. He has his own version of the affair that never happened, and it’s about her skin and her body and all the ways he never found to touch her, to make her want him even more. Even though Cameron was never in his bed he amuses himself making memories of their lovemaking to go with the driving beats and sensual guitar. He tells himself that he never really wanted her, at least not badly enough to do anything about it. But he also tells himself that she wanted him, wants him now, would be intrigued to know he dreams of her skin.
And some music wipes out memories, wipes out everything, if he plays it loud enough and long enough. Sometimes that’s exactly what he needs, something that fills his mind with pleasant noise instead of words he decided not say or things that never happened. This music is something that doesn’t have to make sense… but then again that describes most of his life.
In the end some of the best songs are the real love songs, the ones that hurt, but he doesn’t like to think of Cameron or anyone else when he plays them. He likes to think they are classic and powerful and symbolic and don’t remind him of anyone at all. But now and then he’ll ask himself “Has she ever heard this one?” And he lets the music die, wondering in the silence if she ever really thinks of him at all.