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31_days2005-08-26 03:03 am
zauberer-sirin.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2005-08-26 03:03 am
[Aug. 25th] [Bleach] traitor to impostor
Title: traitor to impostor
Series: Bleach
Day/Theme: August 25th / the heart beats on and will not stop
Character/Pairing: Byakuya/Hisana, and Byakuya and Rukia, however you choose to see it
Rating: PG
Spoilers: possibly, if you don't know who Hisana is
There are days I don´t think about her at all, he says, as if he were simply continuing a conversation that was left outside, hanging in line, waiting to be picked up.
He startles her, even if she does not jump or parts her lips a bit, or curls her fingers into a fist. He simply startles her.
Rukia didn´t hear him coming, didn´t felt his hand move closer and closer, until his fingers stop to trace the outline of her shoulder. She is back to him, can´t see his face. There a shards of moonlight streaking down the cold tiles (Rukia is barefoot, each nerve feeling the stone underneath) but its blue is ugly and the night is half-clouded, ordinary, grey.
"There are days I don´t think about her at all," Byakuya repeats, not because he thinks she hasn´t heard, but because there seems to be something in the sentence he doesn´t quite believe.
He places his hand where shoulder meets arm, softly cupping her sharp bones.
She knows that if she takes a step back her body would be pressed against his chest; she doesn´t do it but just the knowledge feels like electricity uncurling inside her stomach. She swings her feet, keeping the possibility always open.
"Then, of course, I try to make it up by staying up all night thinking about her..."
His voice does not shake anymore, and they´ve walked so long to get to the point where he can tell these things to Rukia with such easiness, his tone of such intimacy, trust.
The longing in his voice is what lingers, like warm poison poured into one´s ear. If not for the mirrors Rukia would never believe that she had something to do with Hisana. Hisana was beautiful, graceful, perfect. Rukia feels ugly, and Byakuya´s presence makes her feel inadequate, wrong, like he is the one who could expose her, bare her, little impostor, you don´t belong here. You don´t belong.
"But of course it´s not the same. It cannot excuse me for not thinking about her for whole days."
There is a self-deprecating edge to his voice; just there hidden but not so well that he is not aware of Rukia seeing through it, filtering through his elegant pronunciation. He likes the repetition of words, the same structures, he likes the rhythm of it all, like a plea.
The most shocking, Byakuya thinks but is not ready to tell Rukia yet, if only just yet, is the thought of happiness without her. It´s a subtle betrayal but he is beginning to imagine he could be happy, and it hurts like the first breath of air after you thought you were going to drown.
"Rukia..."
It sounds so close, so low and clear at the same time that Rukia knows without seeing he is bending towards her, so it´s almost a whisper.
"Do you think I´m a horrible person, for not thinking about her all the time?"
"No," the words escapes her before she can take it back or think about what it means. She fears she seems too eager. And though the next logical word out should be brother but somehow it doesn´t make it past her throat. Instead: "I think it´s human."
Byakuya laughs. It takes Rukia more than a couple of seconds to recognize the sound, because she has never heard it. It´s beautiful. Then she realizes what she´s just said.
(Hisana always made him smile but she never made him laugh)
"I mean that..."
He steadies her with his hand.
"I know what you meant."
The most shocking thought of all, Byakuya thinks, is that there could be happiness without her.
He´ll tell her Rukia one day.
Just not yet.
Series: Bleach
Day/Theme: August 25th / the heart beats on and will not stop
Character/Pairing: Byakuya/Hisana, and Byakuya and Rukia, however you choose to see it
Rating: PG
Spoilers: possibly, if you don't know who Hisana is
There are days I don´t think about her at all, he says, as if he were simply continuing a conversation that was left outside, hanging in line, waiting to be picked up.
He startles her, even if she does not jump or parts her lips a bit, or curls her fingers into a fist. He simply startles her.
Rukia didn´t hear him coming, didn´t felt his hand move closer and closer, until his fingers stop to trace the outline of her shoulder. She is back to him, can´t see his face. There a shards of moonlight streaking down the cold tiles (Rukia is barefoot, each nerve feeling the stone underneath) but its blue is ugly and the night is half-clouded, ordinary, grey.
"There are days I don´t think about her at all," Byakuya repeats, not because he thinks she hasn´t heard, but because there seems to be something in the sentence he doesn´t quite believe.
He places his hand where shoulder meets arm, softly cupping her sharp bones.
She knows that if she takes a step back her body would be pressed against his chest; she doesn´t do it but just the knowledge feels like electricity uncurling inside her stomach. She swings her feet, keeping the possibility always open.
"Then, of course, I try to make it up by staying up all night thinking about her..."
His voice does not shake anymore, and they´ve walked so long to get to the point where he can tell these things to Rukia with such easiness, his tone of such intimacy, trust.
The longing in his voice is what lingers, like warm poison poured into one´s ear. If not for the mirrors Rukia would never believe that she had something to do with Hisana. Hisana was beautiful, graceful, perfect. Rukia feels ugly, and Byakuya´s presence makes her feel inadequate, wrong, like he is the one who could expose her, bare her, little impostor, you don´t belong here. You don´t belong.
"But of course it´s not the same. It cannot excuse me for not thinking about her for whole days."
There is a self-deprecating edge to his voice; just there hidden but not so well that he is not aware of Rukia seeing through it, filtering through his elegant pronunciation. He likes the repetition of words, the same structures, he likes the rhythm of it all, like a plea.
The most shocking, Byakuya thinks but is not ready to tell Rukia yet, if only just yet, is the thought of happiness without her. It´s a subtle betrayal but he is beginning to imagine he could be happy, and it hurts like the first breath of air after you thought you were going to drown.
"Rukia..."
It sounds so close, so low and clear at the same time that Rukia knows without seeing he is bending towards her, so it´s almost a whisper.
"Do you think I´m a horrible person, for not thinking about her all the time?"
"No," the words escapes her before she can take it back or think about what it means. She fears she seems too eager. And though the next logical word out should be brother but somehow it doesn´t make it past her throat. Instead: "I think it´s human."
Byakuya laughs. It takes Rukia more than a couple of seconds to recognize the sound, because she has never heard it. It´s beautiful. Then she realizes what she´s just said.
(Hisana always made him smile but she never made him laugh)
"I mean that..."
He steadies her with his hand.
"I know what you meant."
The most shocking thought of all, Byakuya thinks, is that there could be happiness without her.
He´ll tell her Rukia one day.
Just not yet.