[21 Sept] [Hikaru no Go] And the Waves Crashed on the Goban 21/?

[issen4.livejournal.com]

Title: And the Waves Crashed on the Goban 21/?
Day/Theme: 21 Sept/I'm sick of waking up on your floor
Series: Hikaru no Go
Character/Pairing: Hikaru/Akira, Isumi/Le Ping
Rating: General



Waya woke up, and promptly wished he hadn't. His head felt like it was splitting apart from the inside out, leaving his brains to melt out of his ears. He must have groaned, because in the next moment a face came into view.

"Waya-san! Are you feeling all right?"

Normally Waya liked Shigeki very much, but at this moment he wished that she would stop shouting.

"Dad!" Shigenko's face disappeared, to be replaced by her even louder voice. "He's awake!"

Waya whimpered.

After what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, Waya's sensei came into the room. His heavy footsteps seemed to pound into Waya's head. "Waya," he said.

Waya looked up, his sleepy befuddlement rapidly changing into wariness at his sensei's tone.

The years had been kind to Morishita Shigeo. There was more white in his heavy-set hair, and the jowls around his cheek hung a little more prominently, but otherwise he still looked much the same as the first time Waya had met him.

Except for an extended period during his children's growing years when he had taken time off from competitive Go--and when he took on students like Waya--Morishita had continued to make strides in the Go world. His rise was not as meteoric as his contemporary, Touya Kouyo, but he was a formidable player for all that. He was coming up against Ogata for the Gosei title that very year, in fact, and odds on his side were judged to be fair by observers. Now he studied his favourite student with a frown. "Get cleaned up and meet me in the Go room," he said and left.

Shigeki had a hand to her mouth, for she had seldom heard her father speak so sternly, and she tiptoed towards Waya. "Are you all right?" she whispered, as though afraid that she would be scolded too.

Waya belatedly realized that he was still wearing the remains of his beer, and pulled himself up to sit upright. He looked around; he was on a futon in the room that belonged to Kazuo, Shigeki's brother. "I'm all right," he said, and kicked off the blanket.

Shigeki nodded. "Just change into niisan's clothes," she said, nodding at the wardrobe. "I'll go and let Mum know you're awake." She skipped out of the room, more like a schoolgirl than a university student.

He had spent the night often enough that he knew the drill; Kazuo didn't mind sharing his clothes, and there was even a toothbrush set aside for him. It wasn't just because he played late into the night with his sensei; there were times when he had too much to drink, and didn't feel like going back to his empty apartment.

Come to think of it, the latter instances had been a lot more prevalent in recent weeks.

By the time Waya had washed his face, changed into a fresh T-shirt, and entered the Go room to sit down opposite his sensei, he had an inkling what Morishita wanted to say.

Morishita, to his credit, had been watching his student's face as Waya entered. He stayed silent just long enough to unnerve Waya, then asked, "You've been spending a lot of nights in my house." The tone of his voice made it clear that he was talking about all the times he had knocked at the door of the Morishita residence after too much alcohol.

Waya gulped. He had half-hoped that his sensei would start lecturing first--he had the tendency to vear into other topics when he did that. "I'm sorry," he apologised immediately, bowing low. "I won't do it aga-"

"I didn't mean that," Morishita said, and Waya jumped. Morishita gave him a sharp look. "I thought it was because you've been feeling guilty over Shindou's accident-"

"I-"

"-but now I think it isn't just that. What happened, Waya?"

Waya shifted miserably. His head was still hurting, and much as he liked and trusted his sensei, this just wasn't something he wanted to tell another human being. "Shindou's already forgiven me," he mumbled, not knowing why he sounded defensive about it.

"But you haven't forgiven yourself. What is it?"

Waya looked down at the floor. It was easy to assume that just because his sensei could be loud, he was careless as well. It was the same mistake he always made with Shindou, too. Just because Shindou was frequently loud and overly cheerful, it didn't mean that he didn't have his secrets. And by pushing for those secrets, Waya had come close to betraying his own code: judging people by their appearances.

He had done that with Touya Akira when he was younger, and that old prejudice now made a friendship between them next to impossible. He had been determined not to repeat that mistake, but- "I've said things about Shindou and Touya," he said, "just because I was angry at them." He gathered his courage. "I said-"

Morishita said, "I don't need to know."

Waya stared at him.

Morishita went on, "I've said this before: you're my best student, but sometimes you hold yourself back because of a reluctance to take a risk. I'm not saying that you are a coward--far from it--but there are times, Waya, when you must take action without fear of the consequences. What happens when you can read the game perfectly?"

Taken aback by the sudden switch to Go, Waya struggled for a second. "There's no such thing as reading a game perfectly," he said by rote.

"That's right!" Morishita said, giving him a start at his loud exclamation. "However well you think you've read a game, there is always the unexpected."

Waya was suddenly reminded of his Pro Exam game with Shindou. Then, he had assumed that he had blocked Shindou perfectly too. And Shindou had found a way out. What his sensei was saying was-

Morishita continued, hands on his knees and staring at Waya. "You think that things can't go back to normal again. You're right."

Waya's jaw dropped. "But-"

"But you can make it better than before. In Go, you can't change the position of your stones. You can only build on it, and turn a disadvantageous shape into a harmonious one. Just as it is with your friends. You can't reverse the accident, and you certainly can't unsay the things you've said about them."

The look in Morishita's eyes, serious and hard, made Waya realize that his sensei had heard those rumours too. He had talked only to the tabloids, but as in everything else, it was all interconnected: he should have known that sooner or later, his sensei would know.

"But you have to admit to yourself that you were wrong-"

"I know I'm wr-"

Morishita's gaze intensified. "Do you?" he asked. "In that case, why are you still drinking?"

Waya's mouth went dry.

"Move forward, Waya. Whether you have lost Shindou's trust or not, you have to move on. Make amends to Shindou if you want to regain it--show him that you're still his friend. If you can't bring yourself to do that, you still have to move on. I know you're courageous enough for that."

It was the 'courageous' that made Waya stiffen. He had stopped thinking of himself as brave for a long time. That his sensei still thought so- He made up his mind there and then. "I will," he said. He would prove worthy of his sensei's opinion of him--no, he had to do it for himself. "I will," he repeated. It suddenly seemed like a waste to have spent so much time drinking himself to oblivion and spending the night in his sensei's home. He felt disgusted with himself.

Morishita watched him for a long time, before he finally nodded, as though he had found what he wanted in Waya's expression. "Good," he said.

Waya couldn't help but relax.

"So you better stop coming to sleep on my floor from now on!" Morishita barked.