[14 Sept] [Hikaru no Go] And the Waves Crashed on the Goban 14/?

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Title: And the Waves Crashed on the Goban 14/?
Day/Theme: 14 Sept/This road is all you'll ever have
Series: Hikaru no Go
Character/Pairing: Hikaru/Akira, Isumi/Le Ping
Rating: General


It was a measure of their friendship that he didn't even need to apologise.

"Sit down, will you?"

Waya looked around the bedroom for a place to do so. It was just as he remembered: goban on the floor, Go books neatly placed on tall bookshelves, stacks of kifu piled neatly on the table, the chair, the table...

"Oops. Haha," Shindou chuckled weakly. "Um, just put those old copies of Weekly Go onto the floor. I'll get Touya to move them to the recycling pile later."

Awkwardly, Waya cleared the chair as asked, idly wondering where Touya had been sitting if the chair was filled. A mental picture of them sitting on the bed together began to take shape, and he forced the image away before it could coalesce. There were some things he didn't need to see, he told himself, before sitting down on the emptied chair.

"I'm sorry Touya wouldn't let you see me when I was in hospital. I told him he was being stupid, and he agreed."

That second part took Waya aback, and he must have made a sound of disbelief.

A snort that sounded just like all the ones Shindou had made before. "Well, I beat him in a game first, and that convinced him I was right."

Typical Shindou, he almost said, but turned the words around at the last minute. "How are you?" he asked, trying to sound as casual as he could. He didn't think he succeeded; his voice wobbled alarmingly, and squeaked at the end.

"I'm fine!" Shindou said, with a loud sigh. "Or I will be. It's just walking that's a little tough at the moment."

Waya belatedly noticed the crutches by the bed.

Shindou went on, "I've already told the Institute that I will be well enough to play the first of the Meijin title games with Touya next month."

That soon? Waya was tempted to protest. He was the one who had seen Shindou fly into the air, after all--and land, with a sickeningly loud thud--and in this, at least, he did not kid himself: Shindou had escaped death by the narrowest margins. He was lucky in that his injuries would heal completely, but it could have been very different.

"I know what you're thinking, but if I can beat Touya in a casual game, I can beat him in a title game, no problem."

Waya was thinking that a five-hour official game was vastly different from a quick, casual game with one's lover.

"Waya? Let's play, too."

And that was how he ended up playing on Shindou's goban, balanced somewhat precariously on the stack of Go Weekly between the bed and his chair. He was losing, too.

"I do get sick of being stuck in bed all the time," Shindou said. It was the first thing he had said since they started the game.

Waya's heart twisted, not just with guilt. He had long known that Shindou's Go was powerful, and had encountered it for himself numerous times over the years. But each time was a renewed dashing of his hopes.

Maybe it was because Shindou's Go was like his person: brilliant, lightning fast, with unending surprises that gave his opponents hope of an eventual careless hand. It was unlike some of the other high-ranking pros that Waya played--as Go players gained experience and ranking, they tended to become more conservative, intent on protecting a early lead.

Shindou was different--he played quirky, sometimes near-suicidal hands, always experimenting and searching for breakthroughs. When he first started playing as a pro, he was not as skillful, and often lost, but as the years went by, Shindou's myosho only gained in strength and dexterity.

It mortified Waya that he was able to do this even in convalescence from a number of serious injuries.

"Sometimes I really feel like yelling at Touya to leave me alone, because I feel so useless."

Waya searched assiduously for a path out of the whole mess. He had planned the opening well, and he had read far ahead to predict some of Shindou's moves. But he had not planned--how could he?--for the way Shindou could jump in and cut off his escape routes.

"But he won't. He's afraid I'll die if he's not around." Another stone.

He couldn't find the way out. There was no road that he could see.

"Haha." There was no humour in that laugh, though. "All the times over the years I've wondered if he would disappear one day, just like- well, it's ironic that I'm scaring him instead, you know?"

He played another hand, his last resort, though he didn't have much hope in it.

Sure enough, Shindou blocked it. He went on in the same thoughtful tone. "That's what I've been seeing in his Go. Too much fear; that's how I won our games, because I could see a way through, and he couldn't."

He was going to have to resign, and Shindou was nattering about Touya Akira. He growled in his throat, and blurted, "What's that got to do with anything?"

He could almost hear Shindou's smile.

"Waya, I know that you're looking for a way to... to make all this go away." A pale-looking hand, much thinner than Waya recognised, entered his range of sight as Shindou waved a hand over the goban.

"What? What are you talking about?" he said, perplexed.

"Just like Touya! Some part of him is hoping that it'll all go back to normal soon, and he can pretend it never happened. But it won't. The past connects to the future. It's the only road we have, and the only thing to do now is to step forward on it-"

Waya interrupted, "Shindou, what's all this about roads and ways? I'm not trying to make it go away, whatever it is-"

"Waya, it was an accident. You and I know that-"

"I know!"

"Then why haven't you looked at me since you entered this room?"

Waya froze. His mind in a whirl, he continued to stare down at the goban, refusing to look anywhere else. He had been avoiding the eyes of every single person in the house: Shindou's mother, his grandfather, and Touya Akira. The mixture of guilt and discomfort he had been carrying through the weeks seemed to burn through him.

"Waya."

He had tried to feel resentful and ill-used--it was Shindou's fault for being so clumsy; it was not his fault!--but those feelings always crumbled away after a while.

"Waya, I resign." Shindou pushed the go-ke to one side.

Shocked, Waya looked up. "Shindou, you-" he began and stared at Shindou, his first real look at his friend.

Shindou was grinning at him, and his eyes were the first Waya met that day. He looked thinner and weaker, and his hair looked freshly cut, but black in front, something Waya had never seen before.

"I-" he didn't know what to say.

"Say 'thank you for the game'."

"W-what?"

Shindou made a face. "Do you know, you're the only person I can talk to about Touya? What will I do without you? Say 'thank you for the game'."

Waya parroted, slowly and wonderingly, "Thank you for the game."

Shindou grinned.

"And-" Waya gathered his courage. "I'm sor-"

"Thank you for the game!" Shindou said firmly, and tossed a handful of stones on the goban.