31_days | [11-Sep-2007] [Guy Noir / Noir] Noir... Guy Noir

Title: Noir... Guy Noir
Challenge: 11-Sep-2007 "your name begins with a distinct color"
Based on: Guy Noir / Noir (duh)
Characters: Guy, Mireille
Type: Cross-over; humor; 200 words
Warnings: Mild adult humor.

Guy Noir, Private Eye © Prairie Home Productions.
Noir © Bee Train / ADV Films.

I had "reluctantly" accepted an all-expenses-paid case in Paris for an old business associate. I was sitting in a quiet corner of a street cafe, enjoying an obscenely rich (and expensive) breakfast, and pretending I knew enough French to read the newspaper... when she walked up.

She was as beautiful as a summer afternoon in France, with golden hair the color of fields of grain, blue eyes the color of the sea, and skin the color of a French girl. She wore a sleeveless blouse so tight that it made me say merci, and a slitted skirt so short that I caught glimpses of London and France.

"Are you Guy Noir?" she asked politely.

"I most certainly am," I said.

"My name is Mireille Bouquet." She sat at my table, uninvited yet welcomed. "We need to talk, Mr. Noir."

"Oh?" I said hopefully.

"Yes." She pulled a Walther P-99 from her purse and held it under my chin.

"Oh," I sighed. "What can I do for you?"

"It's about your name," Mireille said. "It's infringing upon my own business."

"And here I was hoping *I* might change your name," I said.

"How sweet," Mireille said. "Sexist, and delusional, yet sweet."