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31_days2005-08-01 01:22 am
of-carabas.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2005-08-01 01:22 am
[August 1] [Gankutsuou] Denial
Title: Denial
Day/Theme: August 1st/Be indomitable, o my heart
Series: Gankutsuou
Pairing: Count of Monte Cristo/Mercedes
Rating: PG
"Have I found our guest?"
As I hear this voice, I stand on the stones of an accursed city, walk through the home of a traitor doomed to an eternity of pain. The sight now before my eyes is surely no worse than these. Horrible, certainly. But no more horrible than other things I have seen, and things I will see, and things I will bring about.
It is not painful. Not at all.
I do not know this woman. How could she bring me pain? I do not know the rich fabric she wears, the expensive jewels dangling from her ears. I do not recognize the graceful arm that links her to a beast already condemned to hell.
This grand hall, these fine paintings, these things do not fit the woman I have loved. She would never be at home here, where the stench of corruption is so thick you could choke on it. A straw hat, an ocean shore, a sunflower bending in the breeze - such things better suit the woman I know.
If the woman before me now happens to bear her face, it is of no matter.
The young man who loved her might have been hurt, to see her here. The sight of her standing lovingly beside the creature he had once called friend, it might have been too much to take. He might have wanted to scream his despair. He might have wanted to lash out against the traitor who tricked her away. He might have wanted to rip out his own heart to stop its pain.
But I am not that man, and my heart feels no pain. It has become a crystal in my chest.
Or it will, soon enough. If I have any lingering humanity, it is a weakness that I am strong enough to ignore.
I don't need to scream. I can bow, smile, speak polite words. I don't need to lash out. I can shake hands with the creature whose suffering will far exceed such temporary wounds. I don't need to rip out a pain that does not exist.
I do not know this woman.
Day/Theme: August 1st/Be indomitable, o my heart
Series: Gankutsuou
Pairing: Count of Monte Cristo/Mercedes
Rating: PG
"Have I found our guest?"
As I hear this voice, I stand on the stones of an accursed city, walk through the home of a traitor doomed to an eternity of pain. The sight now before my eyes is surely no worse than these. Horrible, certainly. But no more horrible than other things I have seen, and things I will see, and things I will bring about.
It is not painful. Not at all.
I do not know this woman. How could she bring me pain? I do not know the rich fabric she wears, the expensive jewels dangling from her ears. I do not recognize the graceful arm that links her to a beast already condemned to hell.
This grand hall, these fine paintings, these things do not fit the woman I have loved. She would never be at home here, where the stench of corruption is so thick you could choke on it. A straw hat, an ocean shore, a sunflower bending in the breeze - such things better suit the woman I know.
If the woman before me now happens to bear her face, it is of no matter.
The young man who loved her might have been hurt, to see her here. The sight of her standing lovingly beside the creature he had once called friend, it might have been too much to take. He might have wanted to scream his despair. He might have wanted to lash out against the traitor who tricked her away. He might have wanted to rip out his own heart to stop its pain.
But I am not that man, and my heart feels no pain. It has become a crystal in my chest.
Or it will, soon enough. If I have any lingering humanity, it is a weakness that I am strong enough to ignore.
I don't need to scream. I can bow, smile, speak polite words. I don't need to lash out. I can shake hands with the creature whose suffering will far exceed such temporary wounds. I don't need to rip out a pain that does not exist.
I do not know this woman.