31_days | [12-May-2007][Trinity Blood] Broken

Title: Broken
Day/Theme: May 12: his early adventures
Series: Trinity Blood (anime or manga based)
Character/Pairing: Abel, Caterina, Cain, Lilith, Seth, Kate etc...
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,711
Spoilers: If you haven't watched the parts about Abel's past with Caterina and the Silent Noise incident, don't read
Cross-Posted to: randomtrickpony and trinityblood

"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing..." -Helen Keller

The past did more than haunt him.

Oftentimes, it actually kept him from sleeping.

Kate had found him first for once, hiding in one of the confessional booths, shivering, his knees drawn up and his head in his arms. She'd been hesitant at first, and he'd looked up when she'd opened the door, but the pain in his eyes had been far too much for her to simply walk away and leave him to sob in some semblance of fretful regret.

"Abel, are you...can I get you something?"

She'd always seen him as slightly annoying at best, but it was the second time this week that she'd caught him somewhere at night, unable to soothe whatever demons haunted his own private darkness when he closed his eyes, and it worried her.

"No Sister Kate," he'd whispered, voice cracking once, nose sinking down into his arms again, legs drawing up tighter against his ribs as he tried to curl into the dark corner, away from everything.

"Is it- Umh...are you thinking about Noelle? Because you know, I miss her too. She was," Kate smiled softly, "a very kind woman. And the way she used to work so hard... Abel? What are you thinking about Abel?"

His arms had unfolded then, shoulders shrugging, pupils slight pinpricks of question as he'd turned his face up to her own.

"Not Noelle exactly," he'd whispered, breath slipping out in a long painful-sounding sigh. "It was needles Sister Kate, I just, you know," his voice became slightly irritated, his gaze focusing inward, "I had a bad-"

Abel had stopped then, and she'd watched his grimace twist itself into a parody of a reassuring smile before his eyes had grown soft once more, making her narrow her own.

"Ah," he'd laughed softly, the walls going back up "it's nothing. Really, honestly. You shouldn't worry so much about me! I'm-"

Her eyes had narrowed, causing him to stop, and he'd swallowed, pupils dilating and long hands curling up against his chest as she'd balled her own fists in suppressed frustration.

"Something is wrong Father Abel and if you don't tell me-"

His apologetic smile had not vanished, nor had his eyes left her own until now. They glanced away at that point, and he had shrugged, as if seeking a forgiveness he knew was impossible.

"Did I ever tell you Kate about how I went with Caterina that time she needed special therapy in Londinium? She was thirteen then...and she was afraid of needles and-"

Kate's mouth had twisted small in annoyance at the abrupt change of subject. But that was really Abel, right there, she realized. Never wanting to keep anyone concerned with his problems, always pulling everything back in.

"All right," she'd smiled faintly, "come out here with me...I have a little bit of time before the midnight systems check, tell me a story Abel."

-----

"Abel, have you ever thought about how you're just like Mars?"

It had been Cain then, sliding up beside him to the observation window. Abel had been there most of the day after his doctor's appointment, ignoring the colonists as they hurried by on their way to whatever little part of their own private world needed the most attention. He was often there in that window seat of an alcove, small knees pulled up and arms locked around them, and so Cain always knew where to find him.

"Hey, you aren’t listening to me," Cain's voice had grown insistent, "what are you always looking at anyways?"

Abel had smirked then, another sort of smile that in his youth had been quite useful.

"Nothing at all, dear brother. And why should you care? The pitiful humans love you as always, though you are a monster, same as me."

Cain's smile, if nothing else, had become more beatific. He had reached out and tapped Abel's pale nose tip, causing his twin to turn toward him in irritation.

"You are, you know."

"Are you dense or something! Who gives a damn about what I'm like! Except for those God-awful doctors maybe-"

He'd trailed off, shifting slightly with a clenching of his teeth as if something pained him. The sleeve of his black pullover slipped up a little on his right arm when he'd moved at that moment, and Cain spotted the dark circle of a bruise on the back of one hand, where an IV had recently been carelessly inserted.

"You just got back from another testing session, didn't you? Did you struggle with them again, is that why you are injured?"

"No," Abel had snarled, "I don't struggle anymore Cain, because that's useless. The nurse was just careless. She didn't even look at me, not even when I winced. They drew a lot of blood and gave me some of those strange shots again. The doctor wanted to know why I wasn't eating as much as he wanted me to, but other then that," he'd chuckled, a harsh little sound for one so young, "I was a good little pet I think. Rolled over for them just like you told me to."

"Abel is a doggy?"

It was Seth's small voice, her little pigtailed head turned up to both of the young men, her eyes wide and questing. Behind her, Lilith had placed a hand to her lips, giggling very softly.

"Oh, Seth," she'd countered, "you are too much."

Abel looked up at her almost lyrical speech, and Cain had turned. Then in unison both of their gazes had shifted down to the little girl who still had no idea that her life was merely an experiment.

"What do you want, bug?" Abel's blue eyes had been almost glacial.

"Me and mommy Lilith are going to the preservation park in the middle of the observatory Abel. Do you wanna come? We can get ice cream and eat it under the big trees!"

"Seth," he'd sighed, "you know I don't like ice cream, it makes me feel cold. Go play, I have other things to do and you can't follow me."

Seth had looked at her feet, her sigh one of a far older little girl.

"You know," she'd managed, "Cain is right, you are like Mars, Abel. All cold and empty."

-----

Even as a young woman of thirteen, Caterina had never been one to cry. Yet here she stood, in front of him, glistening streaks running down each cheek. She hadn't met his eyes yet, bringing up one green sleeve of her sweater to rub at her nose, but she didn't need to, he already knew what was wrong.

"Miss Caterina, you...you, um, have to leave, don't you?" He'd reached out hands, lithe fingers seeking to comfort.

"Yes, why do you have to be so stupid Abel! Of course I have to leave!" Her eyes had flashed cold with open defiance, her lips growing small as she shrugged him off. "They need to give me some special therapy for the genetic abnormalities that the disorder has caused. They said-"

Her voice had broken, her cheeks reddening.

"They said I might not make it...that even with this, um, it might not be enough."

His fingertips had touched her chin at that point, and she'd gazed up at him, still trying to hold back tears that had already come, her eyes glassy.

"But...but I don't want to die like this Abel," she'd finally cried, fists clenching. "Does God hate me this much? I, I never wanted to hurt-"

He'd curled her into his arms then, kneeling on the ground as she wrapped her small fingers over each of his broad shoulders, her delicate face burying itself in his neck.

"Cat?" Abel had whispered softly, his pet name for her, "I do not know about God, I've never met him. But try to remember this one thing, for me, please? If nothing else, I'll always be on your side, and I'll protect you, even go with you if you want...because, you really are a good person, and I am your friend. I swear, forever...no matter what."

"Stupid Abel," she'd whispered at this, finally sobbing openly against the front of his own sweater, her words muffled.

And he had only smiled.

---

At some point that night, Kate had yawned, uncrossing her legs at the ankle and fixing Abel with that slow smile she often gave to no one but Wordsworth. He'd stopped then, shifting in the pew they'd both slipped into, realizing she was growing tired.

"You really can tell a good story, I'm surprised, " she had finally managed. "So Caterina really got lost on that train?"

"Yes," he'd grinned, almost apologetically, as if he wasn't sure he should be sharing this, "she has absolutely no sense of direction."

"And she had a stuffed cat?" Kate suppressed a giggle, resting her head on her left wrist, her elbow slipping onto the back of the pew in front of her.

"Still keeps it hidden under her desk, if you must know. She loved that thing, took it to college as a good luck charm."

"Oh Abel," Kate had slid to her feet then, smiling openly. "All these places that you've been, you should share more often you know."

But at this his expression had grown weary, as if he were considering the words and finding them less than desirable. She'd stopped then, lips pursing as she'd tried to understand what had made him slip back into his own darkness.

"No," he'd finally looked up into her own eyes, "my early adventures don't often have such a happy ending, no one would want to hear them. I can assure you."

There had been nothing to say to that, and neither moved for a long moment, until Kate realized something.

"Yes," she'd knelt close to Abel, almost conspiratorially, "but this is not the past...and therefore I think this adventure should end in some consolation tea, don't you?"

His smile of surprise was so sudden that she'd jumped back with a yelp as he'd leapt to his feet, eyes wide and hands curled together in hopeful abandon.

"Your tea? Oh yes Miss Kate, any time! So long as it has thirteen sugars and-"

She didn't hear the rest, she was too busy laughing.