31_days | [April 3] [Final Fantasy VI] Waking Alone

Title: Waking Alone
Day/Theme: April 3/Nostalgia
Series: Final Fantasy VI
Character/Pairing: Cyan/Setzer slash mildly implied
Rating: PG
Word Count: 520

Cross-posted to

rosehiptea.

Cyan stood staring at Doma Castle as if it were going to dissolve in front of his eyes. Leaves rustled as someone approached, but he didn't need to look to see who it was. Setzer was the only one among them who didn't bother with quiet footsteps.

"It doesn't stop," Setzer said as he drew closer and stood facing him.

He didn't want to pretend he didn't know what Setzer meant. "The pain?" Cyan asked.

"Any of it. Pain, love, memories..."

Cyan nodded. "I know I need to let go, but I still remember everything. She used to sing songs in the morning, to wake the three of us. I would tell her I had not been asleep, and she would laugh. I think she was the only person who could laugh at me without making me angry. And she would bring me sweets, and I would tell her they were food unfit for a warrior, but in the end we would share them with each other, and with my son. He had her eyes, you know."

"Don't even try to stop remembering. It doesn't help."

"Thou hast memories as well. I know that."

Setzer rested his hand on Cyan's shoulder. "And someday I might tell you some."

"Elayne treated everyone with kindness and respect," Cyan continued, "And she felt she was no better than anyone, even a servant or a laundry-woman. And she taught Owain the same."

"Unlike you, with your warrior's pride?" asked Setzer.

"I have never claimed to be better than anyone," Cyan replied stiffly.

Setzer squeezed his shoulder. "Perhaps you are better than me, at least."

Cyan shook his head. "No. For all I may have said of moving on, right now it seems it does no good."

"Like I said, it won't simply stop. There were still be times you dream of her and wake up alone and wish you had not woken up at all. And the only reason to keep going will be the fact that she would have wanted you to. I don't know what to say of your son, only that I imagine you will see other children and count the years to see if he would be that age."

"You know too much." Cyan closed his eyes.

"And someday you will find someone to be with, and you'll know you have something else to hold onto."

"I think of no such thing, at my age," Cyan replied.

"You aren't so terribly old."

"Well, it would hardly be fitting for me to kidnap opera singers."

Setzer only laughed, and pulled him roughly into an embrace. "You will never forgive me that, will you?"

Cyan stood unmoving, feeling only warmth and a perhaps a little peace.

"I do not think I could ever love anyone as much as I loved Elayne," he said.

"Someday you'll be able stop counting love and comparing it."

Finally Cyan returned his embrace, stroking Setzer's back for a moment, then backed away slightly.

"Perhaps you are telling me something I am not ready to hear."

"You will be, someday."

Cyan nodded, and turned away. "Someday," he murmured.