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31_days2007-03-10 09:38 am
bane-6.livejournal.com) wrote in 31_days2007-03-10 09:38 am
March 10: World of Darkness. "Patience Enough, Even for You"
Title: Patience Enough, Even for You
Day/Theme: March 10. look into their eyes, and you'll see what they know: everybody dies
Series: WoD again. Based on a short story from a Wraith/Fallen book.
Character/Pairing: Paul and the Angel (not a pairing)
Rating: PG for death and religion.
The pity was the worst part. It wasn’t even condescending enough to justify being angry. It was just pity, deep and sad, with an undercurrent of wishes that things could’ve been different. I was just a child. A stupid one that had done a stupid thing and now I was paying for it and there was nothing that could be done to help me.
He just sat and watched. I called him he because of the jaw and the broad shoulders, but he was entirely too beautiful to be a man either. That was angels for you. So perfect it hurt to look at them and think that you’d never be that wonderful. Humans were supposed to be the blessed ones. The most favored. The best of creation. So much so that at least one angel had discovered jealousy and forsaken Heaven.
So why did I feel like a dirty, damaged, chunk of self-pitying meat? And what was that miserably beautiful thing waiting for?? How long would it leave me gasping here, feeling stupid and ugly? God’s own image shouldn’t be laying in the filth, choking on maggots, and wondering why I wasn’t dead yet.
Dear one, the angel said. You are dead.
Was I in Hell then? This was eternal punishment? To lay here and feel like I was dying while an angel that couldn’t or wouldn’t take me stood by and looked down? I think I’d rather burn.
No, the angel said.
What was wrong with me then?? Why did it still hurt? Why was I still scared and confused and unhappy if the worst was over?? Hadn’t I died to get away from all that?
You haven’t gotten away, the angel said.
I didn’t understand. If the angel had been human it might’ve sighed patiently. As it was, it just sat there, perched over me. I didn’t know what it was waiting for or what I was supposed to do now.
This was supposed to be over! Why did I still feel this bad?? Why did I still feel at all?? Why didn’t the winged moron help me?? Isn’t that what angels were for? Come to think of it, why hadn’t he helped me before I was dead?? Weren’t they supposed to be guardians?? Weren’t they supposed to take care of us??
He didn’t respond to that at all. It occurred to me that maybe he had done this before. It figured. Even my death was nothing special. I did the same dumb thing some other hairless ape had done. And this immortal beauty had to watch over all us primates until there was nothing left. Then, maybe it could go back to Heaven, or more likely to watch over some other idiot who had tried to fly.
You can come with me, the angel said.
I couldn’t move. I felt like I was made of wet sand. Or buried in it. I was cold and heavy. I didn’t believe him.
Let go, he said.
I couldn’t. It was too much. It was too heavy.
So don’t hold it. Let go.
I couldn’t! An all-knowing creature should've known that.
So he settled down to wait again. I felt even worse. I thought these things were taken care of when you died. I thought all I had to do was die. Humans had been dying for a long time, after all. You would think that there would be a set routine by now.
There is.
Why aren’t you helping me??
I’m waiting.
For what?? I’m dead! There’s nothing else!
There is everything else.
Oh, NOW you’re feeling chatty.
Now you are.
GO AWAY!!
Come with me.
I CAN’T.
And he fell silent again. He wasn’t even going to argue. I wasn’t even worth that much. Fine. Let him sit there forever if he wanted. I was dead. I wasn’t going anywhere. I could stare up into his infuriating sympathy as long as he could stare down. I hoped someone else was as lost and lonely as I had been, and had no angel to watch over them, because they were all busy with losers like me. Why should anybody be any luckier than I had been?
I hoped every human alive would die like I had and be trapped as I was. I hoped every angel had to be stationed like gargoyles over ungrateful, angry souls, and spend all of eternity waiting for us to suddenly ‘let go’. Why should they get to go to Heaven when I couldn’t? Why shouldn’t they be stuck here too, until the whole world ended?
He was looking at me again. It was the pity that got me again. I remembered that it wasn’t his fault. He was the one who knew what he was doing. He was just doing his job.
Day/Theme: March 10. look into their eyes, and you'll see what they know: everybody dies
Series: WoD again. Based on a short story from a Wraith/Fallen book.
Character/Pairing: Paul and the Angel (not a pairing)
Rating: PG for death and religion.
The pity was the worst part. It wasn’t even condescending enough to justify being angry. It was just pity, deep and sad, with an undercurrent of wishes that things could’ve been different. I was just a child. A stupid one that had done a stupid thing and now I was paying for it and there was nothing that could be done to help me.
He just sat and watched. I called him he because of the jaw and the broad shoulders, but he was entirely too beautiful to be a man either. That was angels for you. So perfect it hurt to look at them and think that you’d never be that wonderful. Humans were supposed to be the blessed ones. The most favored. The best of creation. So much so that at least one angel had discovered jealousy and forsaken Heaven.
So why did I feel like a dirty, damaged, chunk of self-pitying meat? And what was that miserably beautiful thing waiting for?? How long would it leave me gasping here, feeling stupid and ugly? God’s own image shouldn’t be laying in the filth, choking on maggots, and wondering why I wasn’t dead yet.
Dear one, the angel said. You are dead.
Was I in Hell then? This was eternal punishment? To lay here and feel like I was dying while an angel that couldn’t or wouldn’t take me stood by and looked down? I think I’d rather burn.
No, the angel said.
What was wrong with me then?? Why did it still hurt? Why was I still scared and confused and unhappy if the worst was over?? Hadn’t I died to get away from all that?
You haven’t gotten away, the angel said.
I didn’t understand. If the angel had been human it might’ve sighed patiently. As it was, it just sat there, perched over me. I didn’t know what it was waiting for or what I was supposed to do now.
This was supposed to be over! Why did I still feel this bad?? Why did I still feel at all?? Why didn’t the winged moron help me?? Isn’t that what angels were for? Come to think of it, why hadn’t he helped me before I was dead?? Weren’t they supposed to be guardians?? Weren’t they supposed to take care of us??
He didn’t respond to that at all. It occurred to me that maybe he had done this before. It figured. Even my death was nothing special. I did the same dumb thing some other hairless ape had done. And this immortal beauty had to watch over all us primates until there was nothing left. Then, maybe it could go back to Heaven, or more likely to watch over some other idiot who had tried to fly.
You can come with me, the angel said.
I couldn’t move. I felt like I was made of wet sand. Or buried in it. I was cold and heavy. I didn’t believe him.
Let go, he said.
I couldn’t. It was too much. It was too heavy.
So don’t hold it. Let go.
I couldn’t! An all-knowing creature should've known that.
So he settled down to wait again. I felt even worse. I thought these things were taken care of when you died. I thought all I had to do was die. Humans had been dying for a long time, after all. You would think that there would be a set routine by now.
There is.
Why aren’t you helping me??
I’m waiting.
For what?? I’m dead! There’s nothing else!
There is everything else.
Oh, NOW you’re feeling chatty.
Now you are.
GO AWAY!!
Come with me.
I CAN’T.
And he fell silent again. He wasn’t even going to argue. I wasn’t even worth that much. Fine. Let him sit there forever if he wanted. I was dead. I wasn’t going anywhere. I could stare up into his infuriating sympathy as long as he could stare down. I hoped someone else was as lost and lonely as I had been, and had no angel to watch over them, because they were all busy with losers like me. Why should anybody be any luckier than I had been?
I hoped every human alive would die like I had and be trapped as I was. I hoped every angel had to be stationed like gargoyles over ungrateful, angry souls, and spend all of eternity waiting for us to suddenly ‘let go’. Why should they get to go to Heaven when I couldn’t? Why shouldn’t they be stuck here too, until the whole world ended?
He was looking at me again. It was the pity that got me again. I remembered that it wasn’t his fault. He was the one who knew what he was doing. He was just doing his job.